Mongs and Football, Do they mix well?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by tothepubandbeyond, Apr 10, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Over the past few weeks I have noticed several events which have led me to the conclusion that mongs should never be allowed near footballs or football events.
    1)On the local news there was a youth team composed entirely of mongs. Reason it was in the news was that no-one wanted to play them. When the mongs were interviewed the reserve Keeper was asked why he wasnt the first keeper, he replied "cos he bullies me!" pointing to the first team keeper.
    2)At collage there is a special needs department (I suspect it is only there for the amusement of the rest of us). The mongs constantly seem to be in the canteen. One breaktime I noticed that two mongs are playing football with bottles as goalposts and bottle tops as footballs. After five minutes of play one of the mongs scored, resulting in the other mong letting out an almightly "MMMMLLLLLAAAARRRRR!!!" and then laying into the scorer!
    3)College again, mongs playing real football on the football field. One in goal and one trying to score. The one trying to score put the ball on the penalty spot, took at long run up and belts it at the keeper at all of two MPH. The keeper promptly falls over and lets it the ball in.
    4)College again, Chavs nicked the mongs football and were using their skills to keep the ball away from the mong. The mong got so wound up he tryed to break a chavs ankle.
    5)Half time at the football match there was a mong relay race for some charity or other (incidentally one of the carers had "special 4 life" printed on her shirt). The third mong in the relay was really hyper and when she finished her stretch the carer had to pin her down to stop her from carrying on.
    So has anyone else got any stories to disprove or prove my conclusion that mongs and football dont mix?

    Edited cos people are accusing me of being a mong over spelling
     
  2. I could not agree more with you. I just wish someone would tell Man Utd. :lol:
     
  3. Judging by your own spelling, grammar and punctuation it seems like you'd accept that you should not be allowed to play football yourself?
     
  4. I see my unit, has been let out again to play football.
     
  5. Millwall, mighty Millwall !
     
  6. I feel (an Arrse Mong Correspondent writes) as though I am in danger of becoming an Arrse Mong-expert but once again let me be quite clear on this matter. Mongs are no use for football. While kicking and heading them can be temporarily satisfactory, it is certainly not a "beautiful game". Moreover if you do succeed in bundling one of these mlaaring, windmilling, vicious mongs into a goal net, then consider you can get it free again without occasioning severe personal injury, "you're a better man than me Gunga Din". No, mongs are not for playing football with, footballs are for playing football with but only until the ground becomes soft enough for rugby again.
     
  7. brettarider

    brettarider On ROPs

    Mongs are for life not just 90 mins :lol:
     
  8. So has anyone else seen any evidence of the mong football or is this all a figment of a deranged imagination?
     
  9. AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :evil: :evil: :x :x :x

    Fuck off Spelling Nazi!

    This is the Naafi Bar not the frigging English Forum!

    I can't spell (Yes because i was to lazy to learn), but i know what words mean and some of them are huge! If spelling is all you can comment on then dont comment

    CNUT (thats nice for CUNT) :evil: :evil: :evil:

    rant over, back to mong baiting.
     
  10. you do get the odd one that can kick a ball at about 300mph, ill be damed if im gonna try and block that, just let it break the net, or the greenhouse 4 roads down. They are freakishly strong! maybe rugby is a better direction for them, imagin that!
     
  11. God you may be onto something there, imagine it, 15 big fiji fella's (cant even begin to spell the plural of fiji man) and 15 massive snarling stella filled mongs, it would be carnage! fantastic viewing though.
     
  12. Have to issue life jackets and rebreathers in the scrum to prevent the front row drowning in drool.
     
  13. Strangly enough, i havent seen mongs playing rugby yet. i will keep a look out and hope to bring you a "do mongs and rugby mix?" thread
     
  14. they're known as handlers 'in the business'. Now that's a job that takes guts, vast amounts of courage, and of course ice cream.
     
  15. And a slobber proof jacket?