Mongol mishappenings

#1
Today I think I found the key to the door Ive been tying to open for nearly eighteen months...

Ive tried seduction, jokes, crudeness, bribes, begging, demanding, threats of violence, all sorts in an effort to get Cait bent over touching her toes in front of me.....

Today, purely by accident she nealry flooded the Car at Burger King when I jokingly paid for our drinks with a beadle / claw / mong hand.

Her nipples shot through the front of her jumper like a pair of liquorice torpedos and she let out a murmer and sigh that had my testes twitching.

When it dawned on me that the mocked hand was arousing her, I did it with both hands and threw an inverted footed limp (as used by the Korean Mong team at the Helsinki freestyle championships)....

I thought I'd cracked it, no way was I not getting laid....

How fcukign wrong could I be??????????? she simply sat there in frenzied bliss, lapping away at the back of my crooked hands in her own world of seemed ecstacy... I thought she was reaching orgasm at one point, she was just adjusting her arse cheeks to squeeze out a lady trump and a giggle.

All I got out of it was sucking the gush marks out of the car seat when she went back to work..... Everytime I get the whiff of Tuna brine I'm destined for a boner

Saying that...tomorrow I intend paying a visit in a motorised chair, neck brace and head dobber... in the hope she might hop on and ride me in a fit of lust

Any other Arsers thought they were going to get there end away only to end up losing out to something handicapped?
 
#3
Forget the desk, how am I meant to clean the mess up from my screen and keyboard?? :twisted:
 
#4
Sit with your groin under the desk like any normal bloke would.

That way, any unexpected eruptions are hidden from your co-workers, unless you want them to be noticed by, say, the new temp (or the tea boy, if you ride the other bus)

Bringing office harmony to all. Another Fluffy Bunny service.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#11
Awwww ! Aren't they sweet little pudgy fingers ?
I reckon they look real.

So MDN, are you a proper dribbling spaz or just a mong walt ?
 
#13
I think I should make it very clear at this point that it isn't the sight of MDNs hand that is having the effect on me.

Just wanted to clear that one up.

Luckily, as something of a pointy-head, I have a wireless router, so can examine the picture in the privacy of the latrine during breaks.

However, I'm beginning to suffer from zinc & vitamin K deficiency. Anyone care to suggest a good brand of vitamin supplement?
 

Sixty

ADC
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#14
You should be ashamed of yourself, shortfuse. Squaddie humour is all very well but mocking a disabled man is despicable.

Jeremy Beadle didn't ask to be born that way. In fact I believe he's trying to improve himself; he's taking a secretarial studies course at college now that his TV work has dried up.






Apparently it'll help with his shorthand.
 
#17
Mighty_doh_nut said:
Today I think I found the key to the door Ive been tying to open for nearly eighteen months...
How come it has taken Cait eighteen months to discover you are only slightly less of a slavvering, window licking, basin hair cut spackerzoid mong than Steven Hawking :?:
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#18
BlackHand said:
How come it has taken Cait eighteen months to discover you are only slightly less of a slavvering, window licking, basin hair cut spackerzoid mong than Steven Hawking :?:
She's either Int Corps or SIB.
 
#19
MDN you poor, misguided, cnutstruck fool.

You drive her to Burger King, you buy her an XL double whopper with cheese meal, she laughs coz MDN made a funny.

It has feck all to do with your amusing impressions of a spac - you fed her and she wants to make sure you will again.

Let's look at the evidence:

You drive her to the burger King, where she works, in your brand spankers Daewoo Matiz. She's already chuffed because the girl behind the drive-in window will clock her and a mystery bloke who, although a bit inbred looking, dresses in nice suits from Matalan and has a posh set of wheels. You then pay for her dinner, which she troughs. Then she eats the rest of your fries and licks the burger relish from your hands. You think this is great and start doing mong impressions. All she has to do is laugh and act like she finds you droll, and she knows you'll be taking her out again - hey presto! An extra fiver for the bingo on thursday.

She's playing you man! She only wants you for the burgers.

You were right by the way mate ;)
 
#20
MDN as I've said before you are a God amongst mortal man. :lol:
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top