Mong magnet

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cuddles, Nov 13, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I have switched operations from the cyber-cafe on Rose St to the Murrayfield Bar - because a)it is a bar and b)it has free wi-fi! I know, an arrsers dream really...

    The thing is I had just settled down to some internet humour, as only the Arrse provides, when a low "mlaaring" sound came to my attention. I looked up to discover six mlaaring mongs and their carers - Guardianistas to a woman I doubt not - had occupied the table next to me.

    Now they are ordering food and I fear I may have to shut down here too, because I am very close to the most mlaary mong and I only have a very few screen wipes.

    If I don't make it back unsoiled, for God's sake buy me a flannel, Ginger!
     
  2. Fizz their Tango bottle when they go to the bogs. Then run. They have the strength of ten men and the mind of a child.

    I was a right evil little beggar when I was a kid. imagine that with super strength!
     
  3. Watch out their saliva is acidic.
     
  4. And their mongy mlaaars are known to kill braincells
     
  5. Good God, man! Get out before it's too late! Save yourself!

    Edinburgh, by Christ...
     
  6. Actually I ended up chatting to one of their mong-wranglers - a big blonde piece who seemed keen to know whether I would be passing this way again. Maybe I should invite her to join me drinking and whoring in the Grassmarket tomorrow night? Or possibly not seeing as she looked a bit rabbit-in-pan, turn-on-gas,light-the-gas,leave-to-boil...
     
  7. Oh oh oh, send her my way!!!! :D
     
  8. Ask yourself these questions:

    1. Did I give her my real name?

    2. Will I be passing this way again anytime soon?

    3. Will she?

    4. How drunk am I likely to get?

    5. Has the situation changed in principle since the original mission was given?

    If your mission analysis proves favourable, you can move on to questions such as, 'What are the chances of involving one or more of her charges on the festivities?'
     
  9. Perhaps you could find some to borrow a mong in oder to...ahem, well you know....as they say....

    Well let me put it like this; the combination of a mong and an Edinburgh crackwhore in a squalid no-questions hotel room(facilitated by a pre bribed night clerk) could make for quite a memorable couple of hours. Especially if you take the electric cattle prod.....

    Edited for Bliar generation spelling due to trembling hands.
     
  10. I bet your hands are trembling, you dirty old slave-ship captain you!

    SAC to you I say...

    I never give my name...well my own name anyway. In fact I use the nom de guerre "john milsom". He was a chap i was at school with and it trips off the tongue and is also likely to attract my attention if I hear it in conversation, avoiding the obvious blank "Oh bugger is that meant to be me?" look.

    As for back story, I am quite getting into my alternative persona as a veteninary obstetrician-gynaecologist specialising in large animal pregnancies...which is mighty close to the truth!

    So we are not yet compromised...yet
     
  11. brettarider

    brettarider On ROPs

    no even better get them to eat mentho's then fizz their pop fcuk me who needs a nuke device when you have all those throthing mongs
     
  12. Paddy - will you never learn buddy?? However if you want I could get her to e-mail one of our brave nautical lads, providing you promise not to greet if she nicks your iPOD??
     
  13. None of these are 100 yards from digs or next door to a chippy! Nevertheless many thanks...
     
  14. As for back story, I am quite getting into my alternative persona as a veteninary obstetrician-gynaecologist specialising in large animal pregnancies...which is mighty close to the truth!

    Oh sweet Jebus. Mong munching and bestiality in one post.... I'm going to have to hit the Apfelkorn again, ho-hum! :wink: