Modern W@nk

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by shortfuse, Sep 16, 2008.

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  1. A collection of Damien hirst "Art" fetches 70 million quid odd at sotheby's

    Therefore proving two things

    1. Money cannot buy taste

    2. The human as a species is fundamentally stupid and open to suggestion, if it's somehow percieved as "cool" and those that just simply don't like it are derided as philistines who "dont get it" then the price tag goes up.

    Personally I wouldn't hire the c unt to paint my lounge, and I think his "work" is samey and lacking any interesting points of merit, I've seen better presented jars of pickled herrings in Tesco's.

    but then I'm a philistine, and I don't get it... not just him, but "Art" in general

    Indeed, on a visit to the national portrait gallery, the most remarkable thing I saw was the acres of beautifully laid and polished wood floor, and wondered to myself how long it would take a troop of Junior Leaders armed with a tin of yellow wax and 2 floor bumpers to sort out... oh and apparently there were some pictures or something.

    to me, if it's not "functional" then it's a waste of f ucking space.

    But then, I am an empty and joyless being.

    I can't help being drawn to the very funny and utterly true Harry Enfield sketch from this weeks show,

    One born every fackin minute.

    Fair play to Hirst himself he's cottoned on to the fact he could wipe his arse on a napkin, and open it out like a big brown shitty butterfly and some mug would buy it for eleventy squillion pounds.
  2. Surely more in Tracy Ermin's line?
    Agree 100% with your sentiments.
  3. Remember the story of The King's New Clothes?
  4. Isn't it "The Emperor's New Clothes"?

    ....... or was my upbringing too multi-ethnic? 8O
  5. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Wrong, wrong, bad and wrong. If that were true we'd all be living in the same houses with the same furniture wearing the same clobber.

    Ah well. Since the CO's brought me here to try and inject a little culture, I suppose I shall have to make the effort.

    Lets start with Glasgy hard man Charles Renne Mackintosh who said "Life without industry is sloth, industry without art is brutality"

    And the Septic Marshall McLuhan who said "Art is whatever you can get away with".

    Are you telling me it doesnt make you smile when some Muppet makes a picture out of elephant shite and it goes for £1.2 million? Because it makes me smile. Mostly at the likes of Brian Sewell and Adrian Searle trying to tell us how relevent to contemporary life a pile of elephant shite is.

    As for the King having no clothes? He's got clothes. All the way to the bank. Art has out-performed stocks & shares, commodities and precious metals as an investment for more that 40 years.

    Take a look at todays headlines from the City and ask which you would prefer - shares in a Merchant Bank or the pile of elephant shite.
  6. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Certainly not. It was an Empire, and therefore an Emperor. The Duke is getting confused with 'The King's Head' that used to be in Gallowgate.
  7. Smile.... it makes me curl up.

    Not at the pile of elephant shite, I refer you to point 2.

    The gullability of the human species.

    Charles Rennie Mackintosh was an architect so understood the form and function of structure, he just made it look pretty, like I said above, i admired the floor in the gallery, a well made piece of work, that served a purpose.

    Like I also said, i'm a joyless philistine, so please feel free to tell me I don't get it.

    The vast majority (but not all) art, is produced by the pompous up themselves offspring of the art establishment, striving to be different but just adding to the list of bewildering f ucking crap that simply leaves me utterly utterly cold.

    anyway, this is the naafi bar so the only art permissible is a well formed "Razzle stack" of pasty arrsed MOT failiures propped up next to a windswept sign for accrington or some other Northern shithole :)
  8. I thought this thread was going to be about modern masturbation techniques.

    Disappointed of Dudley.
  9. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)

    :oops: i too, thought i might learn something
  10. In the 1952 film musical Hans Christian Andersen based on the life of the Danish poet and story-teller Hans Christian Andersen, starring Danny Kaye, the story of The Emperor's New Clothes is told in The King's New Clothes as one of the film's eight songs.
  11. Just to back that idea up...

    The words to the song as I remember are...

    "The king is in the all together, the alltogether the alltogether, the King is in the alltogether, hes as naked as day that he was born" the emperor is in the altogether just doesnt have the same ring to it.

    Although im sure the story is, The emperors new clothes, so draw from that what you will.
  12. I too thought it had something to do with self pleasure :(
  13. mwl946

    mwl946 LE Good Egg (charities)

    Thanks for that Gren, will be singing that ruddy song all day now........