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:eek:The idea of this room is for your stories, whether you were there, heard it in the mess or even heard it on the beach, (Dunkirque you sprog), this is the place for it.  NO NAMING people, but naming units, Corps etc are heartily encouraged.  

???If your message is removed you will be told why.  

;DPlease remeber, as your mum says, "the old ones are the best".
To go with the theme... some time back in the past at RMAS... final rehersals on that sacred square mile.. a OCdt caused a major drill error. AcSM ( Foot Gds of Course)after enormous shouting and eruptions to all assembled, called out the luckless Cdt, and proceeded to reduce him to a pile of quivering gel. As a final punishment he ordered the haplass Cdt to report to the staute of Queen Victoria and ask forgiveness... as the Academy watched he marched up, halted (1-2), saluted and proceeded to have an animated conversation with the statue. Of course we all looked on enthralled. The Cdt finally turned to the right, pulled out a cigerette, lit it, and ambled down the road... The AcSM by now was speechless.. and shouted.. Sir ! where the hell 'r 'u going. Cdt stopped turned round and shouted back, Queen Victoria sends her regards and has given me the rest of the day off ! and continued into the distance.. needless to say the rest of the parade suffered for the rest of the day! The said Cdt is i believe a 1star at the moment  8)
Hong Kong airport circa 1989,baggage handlers strike,jumbo jets queued up like the M25 on a friday afternoon,Lufhansa jumbo pulls out and proceeds to the end of the runway for takeoff.

Very clipped British voice on the radio says

" Tower, speedbird 123, we have been waiting for 40 mins for clearance,how come the Lufthansa 747 got clearance so quick"?

And before the tower could reply the next thing heard on the radio was

" Because I got up very early in zer morning and put my towel on zer runway"!
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered crowd. Not only were you expected you to know your parking location, but also you had to know how to get there without any assistance from them.

So, the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing was cause for amusement:

Speedbird 206: "Good morning, Frankfurt.  Speedbird 206 clear of the active."

Ground: "Guten morgen Speedbird 206.  Taxi to your gate."

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground: "Speedbird 206, do you know vere you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, looking up the gate location now."

Ground (with impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you neffer
*flown* to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206: "Yes, Ground - in 1944, but we didn't stop".
Dril Square RMAS.

A rather dishevelled Ocdt cocks up another drill movement and is immediately set upon by his CSgt.

Pointing at him  "There is a piece of sh*t at the end of my pace stick"

"Not this end CSgt"


Hello My names Carson.

This is my first entry, So if I overstep my mark, please, keep me in check. Im in the process of writing a book about Army life. To get straight to the point, I am looking for amusing stories. I was a serving Soldier myself so I already gathered a few experiences, and drank afew beers in the Naafi.The Junior Ranks Club, NCO's Mess, WO's/Sgts Mess, And I've even had my share off the Officers Mess night tray. (And no I didn't sign a chit)

Here's the deal, If I use the story the sender gets a mention in the credits. And if I get the book published in about fifteen years, I'll send Him/Her a signed copy.
its not much but its the best I can offer at the moment.

Many thanks in advance     Carson


With the sad retirement of Perry Mason at LONDIST I recalled hearing of the one time a parade under his direction moved off late and it was his fault.

It was a practice for the annual troop and the Band of the Royal Marines were standing in for the rehersal for one reason or another.  At the centre of the band was a very large coloured gentleman dressed in full No1's poised to play his Base Drum and as befits his instrument he was also draped in a full Leopardskin.  Just before the parade moved off, Mr Mason pointed to the Drummer and in his best drill square voice shouted


Needless to say the parade collapsed into fits of laughter and was late moving off.
i am ridden with guilt after totally pi#sing myself stupid at your post Dark :) :)  Top tale!! :)

Carson, put that in your book..... NOW! :)

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