Mockney Fool: Scoff inspired by Jamies AntiChav Campaign

Fed this to the boys tonight - standing ovation - nothing left over!

Stonker’s Sausage Casserole With Beans


Ingredients

6 tbsp olive oil
1 red onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
(1 red chilli, deseeded and chopped - optional)
2 x 400g/14oz tins plum tomatoes
salt and freshly ground black pepper
cannellini beans, 410g/14oz tin, drained and rinsed
3 sprigs sage leaves, chopped
pinch salt
12 (to 18 ) good-quality sausages (we like this with Lincolnshires)


Method

1. To make the tomato sauce, put the oil in a lage pan, add the garlic and and chilli and cook for 2 minutes till the garlic is soft and sweet. Be careful not to burn the garlic. Then add the onion and cook over a medium heat for 8-10 minutes, to brown tand soften the onion; then:
2. Add the tomatoes and break them up, bring to the boil, then reduce the heat and simmer, stirring regularly, until the sauce is thick - about 50 minutes.
3. Brown the sausages all over (grill or fry in olive oil - doesn’t make much odds). Drain on kitchen towel and set aside.
4. Meantime get your spuds going for the mash.
5. Add the beans, sage and sausages to the tomato sauce and stir to combine. Cook for about 15 minutes, until the beans are soft and tender (but not mushy), the sausages are cooked through and the sauce is rich and thick. Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper (and sprinkle with sage leaves to serve).
5. Dish up with good mashed potato, or maybe polenta.
 

spike7451

RIP
RIP
My breakfast special!
1 Large field mushroom,stalk removed
1 medium free range egg (or duck egg)
1 round of wholemeal toast,buttered

Optional-
Rashers of bacon,herby sausages & Hienz Chili beans

Brush the mushroom with melted butter & slam in a medium oven to start cooking.When half cooked,carefully break the egg into the gill (under)side of the mushroom & put back on the oven to cook thru.
Serve on toast with the trimming's of you're choice.
 
Jesus mary and joseph, I have seen it all now lads.

Be gone the stereotype of knuckle dragging goons and welcome to the new man who cooks and wears pink.

Be careful you don't all get tooooooooo metrosexual! Lol!

Bon apetite x
 
Stonker's Mustard, Sage and (maybe) Apple Pork chops

Ingredients
4 175g pork chops (loin chops are good for this, good-quality, thick shoulder steaks are even better)
2 tsp Dijon mustard
(Optional)225g/8oz Bramley apples, peeled, cored and sliced
75g/3oz cheddar cheese, grated
2 tbsp snipped fresh sage or 1 tsp dried
salt and pepper

Method
1. Preheat the grill to high.
2. Place the chops on the grill rack and season on both sides with salt and pepper.
3. Cook until nicely browned and cooked through (20-25mins, turning once or twice).
[Meanwhile cooking/mashing your potatoes and veg]
3. Thinly spread a little mustard over each chop. Heap the cheese & sage (& Bramleys if you're using them) on top.
4. Return to the grill and cook for until the topping is golden brown. Serve straight away with creamed potatoes and vegetables.

45 mins prep time max.
Scores 8/10 from the boys - 10/10 from the Mrs.
 

duty_cook

Old-Salt
I owe an apology to the entire thread and those involved.

I, at first thought this was a wind up, although after carefull monitoring and expirementation with a couple of recipies i have realised this is a fantatsic thread with some quality posts.

Apologies to all.

I shall ponder and post a suitable fantastic recipie soon.
 
duty_cook said:
I owe an apology to the entire thread and those involved.

I, at first thought this was a wind up, although after carefull monitoring and expirementation with a couple of recipies i have realised this is a fantatsic thread with some quality posts.

Apologies to all.

I shall ponder and post a suitable fantastic recipie soon.
Just keep it f*cking simple!!! :D
 

duty_cook

Old-Salt
Stonker said:
duty_cook said:
I owe an apology to the entire thread and those involved.

I, at first thought this was a wind up, although after carefull monitoring and expirementation with a couple of recipies i have realised this is a fantatsic thread with some quality posts.

Apologies to all.

I shall ponder and post a suitable fantastic recipie soon.
Just keep it f*cking simple!!! :D
For you...
Always
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
A quick snack for you:

Elelphant Stew

Ingrediants

1 elephant, skinned and cleaned
2 rabbits (optional)
144 lbs onions, sliced
130 lbs carrots - sliced
50 gals elephant stock (this can be made from the bones)
Thick gravy (bisto preferably)
Seasoning to taste
50lbs Parsley for garnish

Method

Chop elephant into bite size pieces (This may take about a week). Put into large cooking pot; add sliced vegetables, cover with stock and season to taste.

Bring to boil on kerosene stove (experience rules that this is best done in the garden).

Simmer for 4 days. Add Bisto.

When ready, serve, garnishing first with parsley.

This dish will feed approximately 3000 people, if more are expected add the two rabbits. This should be avoided however as the rabbits will impair the delecate flavour of elephant.
 
Bossdogs Chocolate Pudding

Serves: 1
Difficulty: A squaddie can do it.

Remove Plastic bag
Place silver pouch in water.
Heat in Boiling water for 5 mins
Tear off top.
Eat.
 
Bossdogs Sweet and sour chicken with rice

Serves: 1 /2
Difficculty: Easy.

Phone Chinese Takeway.
Place Order and wait for delivery.
 

Auld-Yin

ADC
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Stonker said:
Auld-Yin said:
A quick snack for you:
Elelphant Stew
Ingrediants

1 elephant, skinned and cleaned
I'm off to Woburn this minute . . .
Don't forget the rabbits. Could be a tad embarassing if CGS turns up and there is not enough to go round.
 

Narcissus

War Hero
Some nice easy studenty ideas Here thanks to the_matelot for that as I would still be on pot noodles now!

Linemanloz's Quick and Easy Pasta

Prep Time: 5 Mins
Cook Time: 10 Mins

Ingredients:
1x pack of Tortellini
1x Onion
1x Tomato
1x Carrot
1x Tin tomato soup
Assorted spices

Dice the onion, tomato, and carrot.

Start heating the soup and add the paste to water and slowly bring to boil.

Add the veg to the soup and bang in some spices to taste.

When pasta and soup are heated put on plate and scoff.

Well apart from my shite effort, anyone think that may be we could make a decent collect them all, make a book i.e. "Cooking with your ARRSE" and make some money for charity?
 
linemanloz said:
Well apart from my shite effort, anyone think that may be we could make a decent collect them all, make a book i.e. "Cooking with your ARRSE" and make some money for charity?
Nice idea - but as yet we've only just got 4 pages. Agreed, that's more recipes than you get in 24 hour packs, but all the same . . .

I've been wondering if we could catch Jamie Oliver's attention somehow . . . :D
 
Boomers Best of British Toady in the Holey...

(Gone back to traditional for this classic Toad in Hole - cooked this last night for my usual Saturday night slot)

Serves 2-3
Preparation time less than 30 mins
Cooking time 30 mins to 1 hour

Ingredients

6 good-quality pork sausages - about 14oz/400g
1 tbsp groundnut or other flavourless oil (if necessary)
For the batter:
3oz/75g plain flour
1 large egg
3fl oz/75ml semi-skimmed milk
salt and freshly milled black pepper
For the onion gravy:
8oz/225g onions, peeled and sliced
2 tsp groundnut or other flavourless oil
1 level tsp golden caster sugar
2 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 level tsp mustard powder
15fl oz/425ml vegetable stock made from 1½ level tsp Marigold Swiss vegetable bouillon powder dissolved in 15fl oz/425ml boiling water
2 rounded tsp plain flour
salt and freshly milled black pepper

You will also need a solid-based, flameproof roasting tin with a base of 9x6in/23x15cm, 2 in/5cm deep, and a baking tray 14x10in/35x25.5cm.

Method

Preheat the oven to 220C/425F/Gas 7.

Begin by making the batter, and to do this sieve the flour into a large bowl, holding the sieve up high to give the flour a good airing. Now, with the back of a spoon, make a well in the centre, break the egg into it and add some salt and pepper. Now, measure the milk and 2fl oz/55ml water in a measuring jug, then, using an electric hand whisk on a slow speed, begin to whisk the egg into the flour - as you whisk, the flour around the edges will slowly be incorporated. Then add the liquid gradually, stopping to scrape the flour into the mixture. Whisk until the batter is smooth. Now the batter is ready for use, and although it's been rumoured that batter left to stand is better, I have never found this, so just make it whenever it's convenient.

Now place the sliced onions in a bowl, add 1 teaspoon of the oil and the sugar and toss the onions around to get the lightest coating, then spread them on the baking tray. Next arrange the sausages in the roasting tin, then place the onions on a high shelf in the oven, with the sausages on a lower shelf, and set a timer for 10 minutes. When the timer goes off, remove the sausages from the oven but leave the onions in for a further 4-5 minutes - they need to be nicely blackened round the edges. When they are ready, remove them and leave to one side.

Now place the roasting tin containing the sausages over direct heat turned to medium and, if the sausages haven't released much fat, add the tablespoon of oil. When the tin is really hot and the oil is beginning to shimmer - it must be searing hot - quickly pour the batter in all around the sausages. Immediately return the roasting tin to the oven, this time on the highest shelf, and cook the whole thing for 30 minutes.

Now for the gravy. First add the Worcestershire sauce and mustard powder to the stock, then add the onions from the baking tray to a medium-sized pan. Now add the second teaspoon of oil, then, using a wooden spoon, stir in the plain flour. Stir all this together over a medium heat and then switch to a whisk, then gradually add the stock to the pan, whisking all the time, until it's all in. Then bring it up to simmering point and gently simmer for 5 minutes. Taste to check the seasoning, then pour into a warmed serving jug. When the toad is ready, it should be puffed brown and crisp and the centre should look cooked and not too squidgy. Serve it immediately with the gravy, and it's absolutely wonderful with mashed potato.

Photos to follow...
 

Narcissus

War Hero
Intresting Fruit Salard

Massacre the peace loving pigmies of Umboto gorge,

Slice all the nasty shaped mangos and other fruit they attacked you with,

Serve :D
 

the_boy_syrup

LE
Book Reviewer
Preperation time 6 hours
Eating time 12 hours plus

1) Phone lads (Pref G and Noel) arrange RV
2) Drink drink drink
3)Report 'Salt and Peppers' pick up Number 12 (Mexican pizza)extra donna meat, Pepparami and Ham
4) Arrive home annoy Mrs syrup and syrupette place sutible DVD in player Band of Brothers etc crank up home cinema system
5) Wake up on sofa stumble up stairs sleep
6)Wake up go looking for pizza
7)Remove from bin
8)Rinse,scoff whilst watching Grand prix or footy

Or for a quiet night in
1) Open drawer
2) Select menu
3) Telephone
4) Order
5) Count penny jar into manageable piles of 5's,2's and 1's
6) Await delivery

Although I will be trieng some of the recipes on here
Working on the 'Born in Glasgow if you can't fry it I don't eat it' principle
 
sniper_bob said:
Did anyone see Jamie Oliver's comments on Defence in the NOTW at the weekend - he wants to disband us all and put more coppers on the streets - IGNORANT TW*T.
Just found them. In his defence, i heard him on Radio 2 saying that NOTW simply fired questions at him and he gave answers of the top of his head without any thought - so i wouldn't take it too seriously. I did agree about "stop fighting other people's wars" though.

Anyway: here's a link to the recipes he did live on the www last week:
Mockney recipes in NOTW

and the webcast itself is here
 

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