Moat, The Movie.

Now we all know it's coming, Moat the movie. Hollywood will pick this up and turn it into next summers blockbuster. So, bearing this in mind I was discussing this with my work mates and we thought Tom Cruise plays Moat, Angeiina Jolie plays his missus, 19yrs old grandmother of twelve from Birtley, etc.
I am sure that the esteemed arrsers will come up more Hollywoodisms that can be applied to Downtown Rothbury.
Gazza to play The World Weary Drunk.
That Vin Diesel bloke to play Moat... he's certainly thick enough.


Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Pte Golden can lead the SF team that assisted plod.

Flashy would of course be the fast jet jockey talking about the 'sortie' over Northumberland while quaffing wine spritzers in the Mess..

Lady Jane (from the gallery) can play the Acting Chief Plod.
The closing song has to be "You're the One that I Want" from Grease.

Dig the lyrics, man.

I got chills.
They're multiplyin'.
And I'm losin' control.
'Cause the power
you're supplyin',
it's electrifyin'!


Book Reviewer
The chief inspector could be the really bad English b'stard who's the enemy of the Northern tribes, with Moaty screaming "Ngggnnnnnnnnnnnn . . . . . . . freeeEEEDDOOOOOOMMMMMMM . . . . . . ngngngngngngn . . . ." as the evil English electricity makes him flex all his super powerful and manly muscles, just before he heroically blows his head off in defiance of his oppressors!

It might help if we use a bit more Hollywood licence and have him paint his face blue, and have all his web-footed chums wearing kilts too.
My kok to play The Shotgun - goes off when you least expect it and takes away half your face.
Gerard Butler to play Moat...


Oh, and the sawn-off is too gay for an American audiance; it will be replaced with a jeep-mounted 50. cal HMG. And Roule will wipe out half of Northumbria Plod before he's killed in hand to hand combat by the scrawny kid who plays the main vampire in the Twi-shite movies.

I'm just waiting on my call from Les Grossman...


Book Reviewer
The latest Hollywood blockbuster! MGM presents 'Those limey motherfuckers!'


I thought that posh bird from Wallace and Gromit and the Wererabbit could play that acting chief constable, got ahead like a graverobbers dog. She'll sort out Rothburys lower east side.
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