Mistress Splosh??

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Rocketeer, May 16, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Well, this just goes to prove that you never stop learning and there's something new to discover every day...

    Got to love those randy scientists who just love to poke about in people's sex lives.. makes for headlines and gets them closer to the grant trough when they hand out the funds...


    The latest studies on what turns men on shows that males can be ' aroused' by smells....yeah, yeah.. I know that's nothing new, perfumes.. pheromones...etc..

    but this is different..
    Seems what turns a good portion of men's cranks is:

    1] the smell of warm pumpkin pie [ ?]
    2] licorice [ ?? ]
    3] hot buttered popcorn [!!]

    there's more...

    Seems that food used in sex has its own fetish afficionados..Sploshers!!

    okay.. I can see playing with your cutie by spraying whipped cream on each other.. I can even' enjoy' the thought of drizzling chocolate on her naughty bits.. but these ' Sploshers ' go well beyond that..

    and I don't mean MDN's enjoyment of cucumbers or carrots up his butt.

    apparently sploshers get off on using food as an integral part of their loveplay by mashing, splashing and otherwise sticking food in various and sundry orifices..

    there's even rules fergawdsake!!

    1] avoid using high sugar content foods as they may cause yeast infections..
    2] avoid using foods that are difficult to ' retrieve ' or ' remove ' [??]
    3] despite their availability, it is suggested that people do not use Dildos made from Gummi Bear candy as some people get a rash/infection reacting to the food colour dyes in the gummies..

    So..who wants to dip their todger in mint sauce? anyone want to dump spaghetti and meatballs on their luuuve du jour?? [ will it cost extra? ]

    At my age,I just don't think I'm up for a roll in a gravy boat...and I'm not sure a plate of mashed potatoes up my sphicter will make me perform better..

    but..hey.. MDN is the expert..

    damn! you can Google and get anything on the interweeb...
     
  2. Thank fu@k a sensible thread at last the site seems to be full of mad people tonight. I can see a lot of good advice has come out of this scientific study and i would be only too happy to volunteer as a subject, but would be a bit reluctant in allowing a mad scientist shoving his meat and two veg near my ricker.

    Liberal cream on genitals licked off good, parsnips, mash and pork roast with crackling up bottom bad. You see I'm contributing already.
     
  3. Tar does it for me. Nothing blows my beans like using my fists on my lover until my knuckles are numb and bleeding before dousing her in a gallon of boiling tar and arse raping her.
    The acrid, pungent odour of seared flesh and petroleum distillates gives me a stiffy you could lift a Bedford tailgate with.
     
  4. I was thinking more of the delicate smell of subtly marinated meat in a fine red wine sauce lovingly administered to my loved ones open and willing sex area ready for me to push it all the way home.

    But ye I can see where you are coming from or more to the point going too Carstairs is lovely this time of year.
     
  5. Thought the leg of lamb resleeve was SOP?
     
  6. put whipped cream on your bellend and let tibbles do the rest.
     
  7. I don't have a cat and would have to be one sandwich short of a picinic to allow rover near my Jolly Rodger covered in cream. I havew no wish to be called Jan
     
  8. Retract that, Sir, or it's pistols at dawn!

    He's not my type.