Mistaken Identity

#1
I attended a wedding over the weekend of a Corps friend of mine to his (now) delightful nurse wife - No, they did not meet a a party where a bus load of nurses rocked up to fellate the gentlemen dancers.

The best man, who was a half cut by the time he saunters over to me during the evening do, procedes to announce that he knows me, but can't put his finger on where from. Now, I left Gods Corps in Sept 05 to join 1 UK Civ Div and I had never met this bloke in my life. His questioning went something like this:

"Weren't you Squad 160?"

Yeeeessssss....?

"Did you where glasses during your A3?"

Yes

"Were you a bit geeky looking?"

Well, I, errr.... I wore glasses.....

"Do you remember SM P***ger and would you have rode her bareback?"

I do remember her.......

"Thats it! You're that tw@t who had 3 ND's on the range! Didn't everyone hate you!?"

Now, I must point out that I did where glass, but alas, no more. I have fallen under the power of specsaver contacts.
I probably would have done Pled***, i'm attracted to power.
I did NOT have 3 ND's on the range!

I do believe I know who I have been mixed up for. Initials B M. Squad 160. After the A3 he went to a certain computer database place across the water; whilst on a visit to an infantry location went in to the cook house in civies with his Browning down his trousers - nice.

So please, if you hear this rumour of a 4 eyed NDing geek whos a tw@t from Squad 160 - ITS THE OTHER ONE!

I wonder how often this type of mistaken identity occurs after you leave?

Bast@rds!

Anyway, we got on after the true identity had been cleared up and had a good night. Turns out we must have missed / walked passed each other on numerous occasions thorugh our careers and not known it. One of the most pivotal times was at chickers when he was on his A2, me on some other course and he a group of other were told about a house party going on. They rocked up in the wrong house to be greeted by a female Capt. Turns out I was in the house nextdoor getting my head down. God bless the Gwarr Princess who no longer graces the nominal role of the Corps. May her right hook be remembered for ever....

edited to tidy up.

Edited for Op_Int_And_Spy:

SMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSM

Now go and do some work.
 
#3
Letterwritingman said:
So were you 160 or not then. As I recall B.M was the only Porridge, glasses wearing geek in that fabled squad. 8)
I was 160.

Easy mistake to make. I had to share a room with that geek for a few weeks - I woke up once with him standing above my bed. He reckons he can't remember it and that he must have been asleep. I kept a low profile during my A3. Enough egos and 'special' people to keep themselves entertained.

Shi'ite smearing anyone?
 
#4
I was also in 160 and I am struggling to remember you.... :?

Of course I cannot forget the legend that is B.M. a bit walty as I recall! :D
 
#7
FunkyNewBlood said:
"Do you remember SM P***ger and would you have rode her bareback?"
Yes and Yes :twisted:
 
#8
Bwahaha I remember I made her cry once!

Not because of anything you fcukers are imediately thinking about though. It was because I was so good you see!! Hmm.. I'll just shut up now.
 
#9
FunkyNewBlood said:
"Do you remember SM P***ger and would you have rode her bareback?"

I probably would have done Pled***, i'm attracted to power.
2 points here:

Anyone that would have done said lady without a bag over the head is one sick puppy. Not for nothing did the nigs in training call her Skeletor. Did have a nice bod though.......

Plus, anyone that uses the abbreviation SM for military rank (and not the true use which relates to enjoyable deviant practices, see above) deserves to be a civvy.

How many NDs was it again?
 
#11
Op_Int_and_Spy said:
FunkyNewBlood said:
"Do you remember SM P***ger and would you have rode her bareback?"

I probably would have done Pled***, i'm attracted to power.
2 points here:

Anyone that would have done said lady without a bag over the head is one sick puppy. Not for nothing did the nigs in training call her Skeletor. Did have a nice bod though.......

Plus, anyone that uses the abbreviation SM for military rank (and not the true use which relates to enjoyable deviant practices, see above) deserves to be a civvy.

How many NDs was it again?
One point - d!ckhead - you will notice the quotation marks dotted through my post. When someone says Sergeant Major and I am quoting them, I will say Sergeant Major. I do not and never have altered my reporting. This is why I left the once great Corps. Shi'ite operators don't get kicked in to touch, in fact they normally get sent on courses or promoted and as quick as a flash get their badge and think they are Gods gift. Heck, i'm going to go all out here and say that some are even scared of leaving.

I chose to leave the Corps for a better job. Whats your excuse for staying?

As for the question of how many ND's. Only ever one, and that was all over your missus face. . . . I can be a sarcastic tw@t as well.

Bite?

Me?

Never!! 8O :wink: :roll: :x
 
#12
CRmeansCeilingReached said:
im sure her hubby would be delighted to read this thread... :?
I'm sure someone around here would throw him a sympathy shag. . . .
 
#13
FunkyNewBlood said:
I Anyway, we got on after the true identity had been cleared up and had a good night. Turns out we must have missed / walked passed each other on numerous occasions thorugh our careers and not known it. One of the most pivotal times was at chickers when he was on his A2, me on some other course and he a group of other were told about a house party going on. They rocked up in the wrong house to be greeted by a female Capt. Turns out I was in the house nextdoor getting my head down. God bless the Gwarr Princess who no longer graces the nominal role of the Corps. May her right hook be remembered for ever....
here's our graham with another reminder :)

http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/Forums/viewtopic/t=5398.html

seem to remember that thread was what prompted me to sign up to arrse, many moons ago!
 
#14
FunkyNewBlood said:
When someone says Sergeant Major and I am quoting them, I will say Sergeant Major. I do not and never have altered my reporting.
Ohh really, why did your original post say:

FunkyNewBlood said:
"Do you remember SM P***ger and would you have rode her bareback?"
I've double checked and neither of the words Sergeant or Major appear in your post. This is probably why you left, an over inflated opinion of your lacking trade skills. Perhaps you should have altered your reporting, it might have improved it.

FunkyNewBlood said:
I chose to leave the Corps for a better job. Whats your excuse for staying?
The reason I'm in the Corps is the pension and I can't find a better job! If you can find one that pays me 30 grand a year for playing spider solitaire and surfing the net all day though I'll take it.

FunkyNewBlood said:
As for the question of how many ND's. Only ever one, and that was all over your missus face.
You've obviously met my missus as she doesn't swallow - unlike your mother :twisted:

FunkyNewBlood said:
I can be a sarcastic tw@t as well.
Yes you can, just minus the sarcasm

Foolish Boy................
 
#16
The reason I'm in the Corps is the pension and I can't find a better job! If you can find one that pays me 30 grand a year for playing spider solitaire and surfing the net all day though I'll take it.
Its worse than I thought:

You are scared of leaving. The 'its my pension' plea gets soooo lame after a while.

Better job? You? A fat* self indulgent arrse?

* I do not believe that I know you. I use the term 'fat' as you claim to play electronic cards on your computer and surf the net all day. Hmmm. Ever heard of Mr Hay**** or a certain Cpl All**? Didn't they once belong to the Corps and surf the net all day? One got off a heavy prison sentence for dobbing in a certain 'chain' of his friends who enjoyed small pictures of kids (Sorry, im playing with words there). and the other went to Colly and is on acertain register now.. Jeez, i'm boring myself.


Tell you what, lets have a virtual handshake and go on our merry ways? :D

CR,

I'm sat here lubbed up and ready to go. . . .

Now where did you bury GreenGirl . . . . . .? :D
 
#17
FunkyNewBlood said:
Ever heard of Mr Hay**** or a certain Cpl All**? Didn't they once belong to the Corps and surf the net all day? One got off a heavy prison sentence for dobbing in a certain 'chain' of his friends who enjoyed small pictures of kids (Sorry, im playing with words there). and the other went to Colly and is on acertain register now.. Jeez, i'm boring myself.
Did that tw*t get away with a heavy prison sentence then, what the hell do you have to do to keep a kiddie fiddler off the streets. Always thought he was a d!ck, hanging isn't good enough for him, now castration.....
 
#18
FunkyNewBlood said:
You are scared of leaving. The 'its my pension' plea gets soooo lame after a while.
Actually I can't wait to leave the Army, I'll take my massive pension and sit around watching daytime TV all day!

FunkyNewBlood said:
I use the term 'fat' as you claim to play electronic cards on your computer and surf the net all day.
Only when I'm not in the Gym (on the Army's time), casting admiring glances at myself in the mirror!

FunkyNewBlood said:
Ever heard of Mr Hay**** or a certain Cpl All**? Didn't they once belong to the Corps and surf the net all day?
Never heard of the latter, but certainly know the former. Given his appaling lack of knowledge of IT Sy, he desereved all he got. Given the crime, he actually deserved more.

FunkyNewBlood said:
CR,I'm sat here lubbed up and ready to go. . . .
Last time CR heard those words, he was saying them to the mortar platoon!

FunkyNewBlood said:
Tell you what, lets have a virtual handshake and go on our merry ways?
No way, I haven't had this much fun in weeks!
 
#19
Op_Int_and_Spy said:
FunkyNewBlood said:
CR,I'm sat here lubbed up and ready to go. . . .
Last time CR heard those words, he was saying them to the mortar platoon!

FunkyNewBlood said:
Tell you what, lets have a virtual handshake and go on our merry ways?
No way, I haven't had this much fun in weeks!

well, i can't deny it. but you know what they say: "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger... except for our rings."


reminds me of the old joke - what's the difference between oral sex and **** sex?

oral sex makes your day, **** sex makes your hole weak :)
 
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