Missing presumed drowned - explain that one then.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Steven, Dec 3, 2007.

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  1. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/tees/7124519.stm

    So he went missing 5 years ago presumed drowned in a canoe accident.

    He has now turned up alive and well in a London police station and says that he has "no recollection" of where he has been for the past 5 years.

    His missus has emigrated and his kids have grown up.

    Just what is he going to tell his missus when he finally meets her again?

    I think that "Oops sorry" just wont be enough somehow. :)
  2. Wibble????
  3. I'll lend him some pencils
  4. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Floated downstream, unconscious, with bullets zipping into the water all around his inert body as he dropped down the gorge, over waterfalls, through the rapids before finally coming to a halt on the bank, face to the sky as the water lapped around his bruised and scratched, half-naked body. A few hours (could be days) later, he finally came to, and struggled on his knees to the dirt track 2 miles away.

    Finally, an old man in a beaten-up yellow chevy came to a stop and took him to his family home in the jungle, where his beautiful daughter nursed him back to health, and fell in love with him as he got his worn muscles back to there previously rippling greatness, with the aid of an old rusty axe that he used to chop the firewood.

    He became known as 'the man with no name'. Eventually, his need to find out who he was got the better of him, and with a rucksack of levened bread and funy green leaves, and a ball of string, he followed a path to who-knew-where, though his suconscious took him on a lonely and violent path around half the world from one place to the next until . . . on a ship, bound for the UK, he looked in the mirror and got . . . flashbacks; flashbacks of an idylic life, with open fields, a beautiful daughter, a right munter of a wife and . . . a canoe!?!?!

    Not satisfied, and not happy with the name that kept coming back to him "Rambo", he arrived at Harwich docks and hitch-hiked to London with his rucksack and took himself to the local Police station . . .

    . . . the bullsh!t continues . . .
  5. Yeah that would probably work :)
  6. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    Is it Harold Bishop?
  7. It's easy enough to explain really:

    (Cue twangy, big eared, inbred, banjo music in background)

    "You've got a mighty purty ass city boy"

    (Please bear in mind at this point, that Burt Reynolds is actually fuc'king shi't with a bow and arrow).

    And our city boy with a mighty purty ass probably liked a hill-billy length up him!

    And that my dear Watson is the bell end of the matter.

    I'll get my ulster and deerstalker!
  8. He was probably being chased for hanging a monkey.
  9. Simple answer which may explain it all, man suffers from depression and decides to do a runner faking his demise in the canoe. Very common happens to many mainly men every year. Eventually gets over it and thinks up amnesia to cover the original runner.
  10. :D
  11. How fcuking boring is that? :roll:

    A rip tide/giant whale/small island scenario is much more likely :)

    I wonder if Jonah was the first bloke who thought of this?
  12. I think he has been funding his secret army of Dwarf Ninjas inside an inert Volcano on a south sea island.

    This is all just a clever ruse to get some "seed cash" from a Red Top daily from selling his story.

    When the little fellas with the throwing stars are taking over the country don't say I didn't warn you.