Misc.

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by viceroy, Aug 8, 2012.

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    [TD="width: 100%"]Golf and Bees:
    A young woman had been taking golf lessons.


    She had just started playing her first round

    of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

    Her pain was so intense that she decided to


    return to the clubhouse for help and to complain

    Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse


    and asked, 'Why are you back in so early?

    What's wrong?'

    'I was stung by a bee', she said.

    'Where', he asked.

    'Between the first and second hole', she replied.


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    He nodded knowingly and said, 'Then your

    stance is too wide.'






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    Chat up line:



    At a bar ...

    [​IMG]

    Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,
    "Listen here good looking. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on; it doesn't matter to me. I just love it!"





    Eyes now wide with interest, he responds,

















    "No kidding, I'm in Banking too! Which one are you with?"




















     
  2. SIMPLE TRUTH 1

    Lovers help each other undress before sex.

    However after sex, they always dress on their own.

    Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

    SIMPLE TRUTH #2

    When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats".

    But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".

    Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated."


    THE FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE

    1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

    2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-hole's name.

    3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

    4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

    5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

    AND A BONUS RULE:
    Condoms do not guarantee safe sex;
    A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband!
    ____________