Miltary Rules

Discussion in 'Armed Forces Jokes' started by Civvy-Ginge, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. Royal Marine Rules:
    1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
    2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
    3. Have a plan.
    4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
    5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet ¬ even your friends…
    6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
    7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
    8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
    9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
    10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
    11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
    12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
    13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

    SBS Rules:
    1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
    2. Kill every living thing within view.
    3. Adjust speedo.
    4. Check hair in mirror.

    SAS Rules:
    1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
    2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
    3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
    4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

    Army Rules:
    1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
    2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
    3. Curse bitterly.
    4. Curse bitterly.
    5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
    6. Curse bitterly.

    RAF Rules:
    1. Have a cocktail.
    2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
    3. See what's on Sky.
    4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
    5. Request more funding from Government with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
    6. Wine & dine 'key' MP’s, invite MOD & defense industry executives.
    7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
    8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
    9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
    10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

    RN Rules:
    1. Go to Sea.
    2. Drink Coffee.
    3. Deploy Marines
  2. Fantastic Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet ¬ even your friends…
  3. Never met a RAF type that could mix a decent cocktail.
  4. Well at least they can make a martini, without argueinng over the ingredients as members of the Senior Service have been known to do!