Milkman

Discussion in 'Blue Jokes' started by PigGunner, Jun 12, 2013.

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  1. Joey the milkman was doing his usual rounds when, to his surprise, he gets to Mrs Smith's house and there she is leaning against her front door dressed in nothing more than a skimpy see-through nighty.

    "Come inside Joey" she says seductively "I have a surprise for you."

    Joey shrugs his shoulders and does as he's told. Once inside, Mrs Smith strips off and forces Joey to ravish her every which way on the couch, the lounge room floor, the kitchen table and finally finishes her off in the bedroom, after which she hands him a ten dollar note.

    "Wow!" says Joey "What was that all about? I've been delivering milk here for two years and you haven't even so much as said hello to me before."

    "Well you see Joey, before Mr Smith left for work I suggested we give you a Christmas bonus for your dedication to your work. I suggested we give you a hundred dollars, but he said fuck him, give him a tenner!"
     
  2. Too many words can't be bothered to read it.
     
  3. You missed the bit about 'and breakfast was my idea'.
     
  4. Wasn't told it that way Joe, but that version does ring a bell.
     
  5. Surprised you can read at all.
     
  6. Did you buy the joke in an antiques shop?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. No, he finds them inscribed on old bones
    -Archaeologist.jpg

    :tongue:
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. No, but must admit it was a personal favourite many moons ago. There's not too many I haven't heard over the years in one incarnation or another.
     
  9. Ooh, I rather like this one;

    [h=3]Meditation on a Bone[/h]
    A piece of bone, found at Trondhjem in 1901, with the following runic inscription (about A.D. 1050) cut on it: I loved her as a maiden; I will not trouble Erlend's detestable wife; better she should be a widow.
    Words scored upon a bone,
    Scratched in despair or rage --
    Nine hundred years have gone;
    Now, in another age,
    They burn with passion on
    A scholar's tranquil page.

    The scholar takes his pen
    And turns the bone about,
    And writes those words again.
    Once more they seethe and shout
    And through a human brain
    Undying hate rings out.

    "I loved her when a maid;
    I loathe and love the wife
    That warms another's bed:
    Let him beware his life!"
    The scholar's hand is stayed;
    His pen becomes a knife

    To grave in living bone
    The fierce archaic cry.
    He sits and reads his own
    Dull sum of misery.
    A thousand years have flown
    Before that ink is dry.

    And, in a foreign tongue,
    A man, who is not he,
    Reads and his heart is wrung
    This ancient grief to see,
    And thinks: When I am dung,
    What bone shall speak for me?

    A.D. Hope.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Yeah mate, I like it too.
     
  11. Got talking to the milkman this morning and he had something interesting to say. When I got home this evening I said to the G/F "The milkman says he`s slept with every woman in this street except 1".

    She said "I bet it`s that snotty cow at no 31".