Military Silliness

#1
An ex naval bloke I know told me that on Naval bases, if you walked on the grass and were seen, someone would shout "Man Overboard!" and you had to stand still and wait for the guard to arrive with a life belt on a rope which they would use to pull you in and escort you to the Base WO for a bollocking.

Seems somewhat far-fetched to me, but anyone know if this is true?

Also, anyone got any other tales of military silliness?
 
#2
According to my sources they do/did it HMS Yeovilton.
 
#3
Cheers. Seems long-winded. All you need is a hearty, "GETOFFTHEFUCKINGGRASSYOUMONG!" bellowed by an irritated stickman for the same effect.
 
#4
Does silliness include soldiers being ordered to paint paving slabs green one day, white the next? If so, I saw some paper-shuffling AGC types doing that at Worthy Down when I was there for a week.

They didn't like being laughed at.
 
#5
In the REME workshop in NI there was a particularly ginger lad. Every time he ventured out onto the shop floor someone blew a fox hunter's horn. You had to stop whatever you were doing, down tools, and run after him. He would leg it through the maze of corridors with about 20 blokes chasing him.
 
#6
In the REME workshop in NI there was a particularly ginger lad. Every time he ventured out onto the shop floor someone blew a fox hunter's horn. You had to stop whatever you were doing, down tools, and run after him. He would leg it through the maze of corridors with about 20 blokes chasing him.
What happened when you caught him? Did he have good reason to run? A kicking or did he end up with an arsehole as red as his hair?
 
#7
Does silliness include soldiers being ordered to paint paving slabs green one day, white the next? If so, I saw some paper-shuffling AGC types doing that at Worthy Down when I was there for a week. They didn't like being laughed at.
On a Royal visit to SEME Bordon back in the late 80's after the normal, sweep the world, de-weeding everything and picking out the moss between cobble stones a company were brought in to dye the grass green.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#8
spending hours pulling weeds around the tpt sqn yard only to have a spraying contractor turn up just as we finish. cunts....
 
#9
1950's Catterick. Opposite where the White Shops are/were there was a railway siding and a coal yard, when I was at 2TR we were tasked to spray the coal heaps with white wash because blokes were stealing the coal to heat their billets.
 
C

cloudbuster

Guest
#10
An ex naval bloke I know told me that on Naval bases, if you walked on the grass and were seen, someone would shout "Man Overboard!" and you had to stand still and wait for the guard to arrive with a life belt on a rope which they would use to pull you in and escort you to the Base WO for a bollocking.

Seems somewhat far-fetched to me, but anyone know if this is true?
Certainly happened at Daedalus, plus you had to wait at the gate for the liberty boat before heading into town (sorry, 'go ashore') on the lash. OTOH, they did a damned good line in WRNS, and Brufen.
 
#11
There used to be an RSM called 'Keep off the grass' Greene. If he caught you walking on the grass he would ask you how many paces you had taken onto the grass. He would give you extras for the number of steps you'd taken and then double the number because you had to come back.
 
#12
Certainly happened at Daedalus, plus you had to wait at the gate for the liberty boat (sorry, 'go ashore') before heading into town on the lash. OTOH, they did a damned good line in WRNS, and Brufen.
Only time I had to wait for a liberty boat was in training- as a trained rating I've never had to do it. Never heard about the walking on the grass thing either, but then there's not much grass in a dockyard.
 
#13
Getting a helicopter to hover over the trees to blow the loose leaves off a couple of days prior to a HRH visit, followed by the whole regiment out on leaf picking up duties.

Still I suppose it is better than painting the grass green.
 
#14
Pulling up weeds just after the local German contractor had just sprayed them with weed killer :)

Having working weekends where lads were dicked to paint borders around buildings and squares around flagpoles for an equipment care inspection :)

Sweeping the hard standing in Al Amarah

Trying to ban drinking in the block

Ironing kit in Ghanners

Drill

Those silly traffic light thingies in MT wagons

The RAF

I could think of more but I'm a bit sober at the moment :)
 

chrisg46

LE
Book Reviewer
#15
I turned up at the front gate in Arborfield to see a bunch of guys in overalls painting the kerbstones in alternate colours (red, yellow, blue maybe).
I imagine it was being done as "extras" for doing something militarily silly...
 
C

cloudbuster

Guest
#16
Only time I had to wait for a liberty boat was in training- as a trained rating I've never had to do it. Never heard about the walking on the grass thing either, but then there's not much grass in a dockyard.
As guests attending an Aeromed course at Seafield Park we didn't exactly endear ourselves to the Gangway Party by saying we'd 'swim' into Gosport.
 
#17
No drinking in the block.

No tracksuits or rifles in the cookhouse.

Having to put on barrack dress and carry an issue grip bag containing washing and shaving kit and a change of clothes, just to get some blisters popped or a jar of Brufen off the MO.

Drill.

Issue PT kit.

Marching, swinging arms shoulder high, even if you were going from the company lines to the stores 50 meters away.
Doing the above with somebody calling out the time if there were more than two of you.

Parading on the drill square in bulled ammo boots and puttees just to mount guard.

Being put on restrictions parade at 17:30 for sideburns/not swinging arms shoulder high while marching/any other petty, imagined or trivial offence.

The RP staff. Full stop.

The SF Platoon mincing around with drums and bugles and attending a ridiculously long course to learn them.

Just let me know when you want me to stop.......
 
#19
I read (Readers' Digest?) that some guy on National Service was tasked to paint kerbs white. He spilled the paint and rather than clear it up, painted it into a neat square.
He visited to the barracks many years later and noted that the square was still there, and freshly painted.
 

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