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Military One Liners


Book Reviewer
Any examples of unexpected off the cuff comments that have had you rolling with mirth, on exercises or on ops.

Outside Basra 2005, at night. A vehicle patrol decides to put some illum up from 51mm, as a show of force to stop any baddies thinking about sneaking up.
Parking up by the side of the River Shatt, security goes out and the night is split by a "BANG"... but no light. Another one is put up, still nothing. After half a dozen rounds, with no lights (but a loud thud as a round apparently landed on a local's car roof), a voice calls out of the darkness, "Did we keep the receipt?"

A dark wood somewhere in Eastern Europe, after a full day of live fire company attacks, and a chaotic resupply of water, ammo and rations all at the same time, with no lights and being told to grab any Bergan from the pile and "sort it out in the harbour area", one individual stomps off and decides to get a brew on. Rapidly has a good blaze going, and was met with the inevitable "Put that bloody fire out"
"Fcuk off," comes the reply. "I'm Akela."

Granted, this thread could provide some amusement, but of course, maybe you just had to be there...
In a Nissan hut, far, far away, dead of winter, effing freezing inside and we are all tucked up in our pits. Sgt appears and a voice says, 'It's colder in here than it is outside Sarge'. the response was, 'Well open a few windows then."

Heard in 1967 in the nick in Tanah Puteh which was established in the Chinese Shophouses, ground floor....

"Any complaints, you chaps?"

"No sir"

"OK, goodnight"

"Oi!, shut the fuckin door on y'way out, the mossies will get in"

The detention room door was never kept locked during dark hours.
It wasnae me. I thought it was an urban myth like the "I'm not that fecking bored" and "if you don't know who this is you can do it yourself you fat twat" stories!

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