Military Lunacy Review Society (MLRS)

The Bad Lads Army antics seem to have got the nostalgia juices running high so its high time we had a call for the 'best of the bunch'.

Lets start with Show Parades We Have Loved

An SNCO I knew went on a drill pig course at Pirbright. Halfway through the course he appeared on a Friday afternoon looking perplexed. He had failed a room inspection because his window had not been open to the uniform gap used by the rest of the course and he had been given a 'show window correctly open' parade at 2200hrs on Monday...outside the guardroom.

After a lot of thinking, he borrowed a pre-made window from a local carpenter, banged his heels in at 2200 clutching it in the 'correctly open' position and got away with it.

Another bloke was picked up for having a crease in his bedsheet and given a 'show crease removed from bedsheet' parade. So he irons his bedsheet with tons of starch and forms up at 2200. Simple, n'est ce pas?
Bloke: Staff, crease removed from bedsheet, STAFF! [proffers sheet for inspection]
Pig: Where is it?
Bloke: Staff?
Pig: You said you removed the crease. Where is it?
Bloke: Err, its gone, Staff.
Pig: Gone? You've lost it 'aven't you, you 'orrible fecker! Did I not say 'Show crease removed from bedsheet'?
Bloke: Errr...umm...yes, s'pose so.
Pig: Right, back 'ere tomorrow night and I wants ter see that feckin' crease understand?
Bloke: Errr...
Pig: Right turn, quick march, dep di dep di dep di etc.

Bloke taken in hand by kindly corporal and shows up next night with immaculately pressed bedsheet (no crease) and a pocket handkerchief with one very neatly ironed crease in the middle.

All right lads, the floor's yours, let's be 'aving them! :wink:


War Hero
Book Reviewer
Junior Leaders - Mid 60's.

Squad all put on Show Parade properly dressed in PT Kit, some one had turned up in a white shirt while everyone else was in red - no-one had specified which one to wear.

Squad turns up for show parade duly attired all in red. One bright tw*t never wore socks and was roundly bollocked by Duty Sgt. Said bloke then bluffs it and said that proper PT kit is no socks. Duty Sgt checks dress instructions - said bloke found to be correct 15 young JLs spent remaining 60 minutes before lightsout on show parade after show parade.

Duty Sgt says back here in 5 minutes in No 2, then denim order, then drill order, 10 changes in all. 15 v young JLs v pis*ed off and sort out bright bloke who was only bluffing.

Ah, character building I think they called it.
My JNCO's cadre, the Trg Sgt had the same surname as me, and being scaleys, we had silly name badges. First parade, in denims and jumpers, he picked me up for having same name as him, and told to show at 2200 not having same name !
So thinking I was being a clever cnut borrowed my mates jumper(different name badge), and paraded at the guardroom at said time.
He took the parade, and promptly jailed me for impersonating another soldier ! - 1 hour on the 3 headed bumper later, I was severely fcucked, twt Sgt pissing himself the whole time, left me alone for the rest of the course though.

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