Military imaginary comparisons

#1
Whilst going through items for Post Op PXR, my mind wandered to Pre Deployment Training, and how many times the DS came out with imaginary and memorable sentance completing 'comparisons'.

For example:

'as hard as a woodpeckers lips'

or

'all over it like a tramp on chips'

Anyone else have memorable one liners to brighten up whats already groundhog day??
 
#5
Smart as a carrot, which I never really got because there is nothing smart about carrots :?
 
#6
All over like a mad womens shit.

Daft as a box of frogs.
 

Fronty

Old-Salt
Book Reviewer
#7
"Mad as a box of spiders", which I assume to be because they want to get out and are quite angry, or possibly driven to insanity by their incarceration.
 
#8
Surely some of the spiders maintained their sanity?
 
#9
DarkNinja said:
Surely some of the spiders maintained their sanity?
Alas, the spiders were not given sufficient mental health care on their discharge from the box for a comprehensive factual answer to be provided on that one. However a FOI request has been made which will no doubt produce an answer showing the govt and MoD in a good light.

Sadly the spiders will start to appear in prisons, killing flies and moths...the usual story.
 
#10
Cuddles said:
DarkNinja said:
Surely some of the spiders maintained their sanity?
Alas, the spiders were not given sufficient mental health care on their discharge from the box for a comprehensive factual answer to be provided on that one. However a FOI request has been made which will no doubt produce an answer showing the govt and MoD in a good light.

Sadly the spiders will start to appear in prisons, killing flies and moths...the usual story.
Gordon Brown has announced a study group to look into the spider problem which he claims has been brought about by 18 years of Tory misrule. The 100 strong committee will take approximately 18 months to reach their conclusion although pay and expenses have been allowed for a further 6 months in case of overspill.
 
#11
What about the box of frogs :?: They have rights as well. This is tantamount to Frogism and that is fcuking outrageous.
 

udipur

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
Face like a bag of spanners

Morale was lower than whale sh*t
 
#13
Ord_Sgt said:
Smart as a carrot, which I never really got because there is nothing smart about carrots :?
Harumph!! <takes offence and moves it to the drawing room>

A SNCO once referred to me as standing to attention, "like an anxious spastic".

Oh how I laughed as I doubled to the Guardroom.
 
#15
Not strictly military, but my gran had a cracking description of someone who she thought was untrustworthy:
"Two inches over a jam pot, scutty little snake!"
 
#16
NCO eyeing up new recruits fallen in for the first time at depot para.
Hands on hips, snarling.....

"More mongs than in mongolia, more flids than in Flidadelphia"
 
#17
TalaveraTom said:
Not strictly military, but my gran had a cracking description of someone who she thought was untrustworthy:
"Two inches over a jam pot, scutty little snake!"
Did she ever explain what she meant?
 
#18
Monty417 said:
What about the box of frogs :?: They have rights as well. This is tantamount to Frogism and that is fcuking outrageous.
Yeah, wot he said.
 
#19
vvaannmmaann said:
TalaveraTom said:
Not strictly military, but my gran had a cracking description of someone who she thought was untrustworthy:
"Two inches over a jam pot, scutty little snake!"
Did she ever explain what she meant?
She said that back in Dublin, there were gangs of thieves/pickpockets who would mug people and were known as Scuttlers. They considered themselves as big gangsters, so the jam pot refers to their being dragged down a peg or two(Not as big as they think they are). The snake bit i think is self explanatory...Just a nice combination of similies IMO :D

Incidentally, the same gangs existed in Manchester and Salford and had the same name Scuttlers, but most of them were Irish immigrants in the 19th century. There have been some good books written on the subject recently, and highlight why my grans saying is so apt :wink:
 
#20
Not a comparison per se, but;

"Sarn't, there's been an outbreak of morale, stamp on it now!"
 

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