Military imaginary comparisons

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by MAD_FERRET, Jan 5, 2010.

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  1. Whilst going through items for Post Op PXR, my mind wandered to Pre Deployment Training, and how many times the DS came out with imaginary and memorable sentance completing 'comparisons'.

    For example:

    'as hard as a woodpeckers lips'


    'all over it like a tramp on chips'

    Anyone else have memorable one liners to brighten up whats already groundhog day??
  2. Knew an Irish Guard who spoke of the snow being "as fresh as a subaltern's arse."
  3. Breath like a sh1tsmuggler's bergan.
  4. You look like 10lb of shit in a 5lb bag
  5. Ord_Sgt

    Ord_Sgt RIP

    Smart as a carrot, which I never really got because there is nothing smart about carrots :?
  6. All over like a mad womens shit.

    Daft as a box of frogs.
  7. Fronty

    Fronty Old-Salt Book Reviewer

    "Mad as a box of spiders", which I assume to be because they want to get out and are quite angry, or possibly driven to insanity by their incarceration.
  8. Surely some of the spiders maintained their sanity?
  9. Alas, the spiders were not given sufficient mental health care on their discharge from the box for a comprehensive factual answer to be provided on that one. However a FOI request has been made which will no doubt produce an answer showing the govt and MoD in a good light.

    Sadly the spiders will start to appear in prisons, killing flies and moths...the usual story.
  10. Gordon Brown has announced a study group to look into the spider problem which he claims has been brought about by 18 years of Tory misrule. The 100 strong committee will take approximately 18 months to reach their conclusion although pay and expenses have been allowed for a further 6 months in case of overspill.
  11. What about the box of frogs :?: They have rights as well. This is tantamount to Frogism and that is fcuking outrageous.
  12. udipur

    udipur LE Book Reviewer

    Face like a bag of spanners

    Morale was lower than whale sh*t
  13. Harumph!! <takes offence and moves it to the drawing room>

    A SNCO once referred to me as standing to attention, "like an anxious spastic".

    Oh how I laughed as I doubled to the Guardroom.
  14. Nipple rub after a tab referred to as

    "nipples like chimpanzee's toes"
  15. Not strictly military, but my gran had a cracking description of someone who she thought was untrustworthy:
    "Two inches over a jam pot, scutty little snake!"