Mid air mud flap mishap

#4
I prefer the walk up and down the aisle crop spraying the entire aircraft the benifits are two fold firstly everybody gets to share and pinpointing the culprit is difficult
 
#6
I hate that sh1tty smell that spreads through an aircraft but not as much as knowing the smug owner is laughing like fcuk to him/herself.

I dont have bad guts to retaliate.
 
#7
I prefer the walk up and down the aisle crop spraying the entire aircraft the benifits are two fold firstly everybody gets to share and pinpointing the culprit is difficult
I did that on a flight to Australia in 2016.
A real nasty silent but violent one. I stayed in the bog for 10 minutes pretending to have a dump. My Mrs whispered in my ear when I got back to my seat

"You're a dirty bastard "
 
#8
A team mate was asked by the bird he was seeing (through streaming eyes) to pull her reserve if she passed out when I dropped my sump on jump run.

Another mate's missus asked me to drive her to the shops. Dropped one en route and she called for an immediate stop. Pulled over while she bailed out and blew her lunch all over the base of a tree in the parking lot of a very upmarket mall.

Apparently I'm a cunt...
 
#9
I was in a meeting discussing the GSR before it was about to be issued to the troops with my then QM & RQ a few years ago and all was going well until a colleague decided to rip a silent one out. The QM being the joker put a GSR on and carried on as if nothing had happened. The culprit was known and was given a stern talking to by the RQ later!
 

AlienFTM

MIA
Book Reviewer
#10
In 1972 a civilian jet (BOAC?) taking off from Heathrow for Belgium (on the day my brother was due to fly from Heathrow to Belgium to take up a post at the Embassy, but that's by the by) fell on Staines.

I was in Sixth Form. One of my muckers (went on to be a British Midland, then Virgin, pilot) insisted he'd heard that the last words on the cockpit voice recorder were, "Have you sh¡t yourself?"
 
#12
What a disappointment - I thought this thread was going to be about reverse cowgirl mishaps.
 
#14
You don't know what a rancid fart is until you drop one in an immersion suit on the chopper flight to or from the platform and forget all about it until you pop the zip on arrival up to two hours later. You are completely bang to rights, the suit retains and ferments the guff readily and you cant exactly stand there going "It wasn't me" with the tell tale gas cloud circling you. If this happens on the trip out you then hurriedly stuff the suit in the emergency grab bag in your room and forget about it .... until the day you go home and get to experience a whiff of your forgotten air biscuit all over again.

Murphy's Law also states that when this happens on the trip home the Safety Equipment fitter taking your suit from you will be the fittest female they have who, when you dump the suit in the bin in front of her, will catch a whiff and send you home with a "You dirty dirty *******" look.

Few trips ago the curry I had the previous night mixed with the mornings banana sandwiches on the flight home to create a true stench of evil resulting in a suit fit only for burning.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#15
In 1972 a civilian jet (BOAC?) taking off from Heathrow for Belgium (on the day my brother was due to fly from Heathrow to Belgium to take up a post at the Embassy, but that's by the by) fell on Staines.

I was in Sixth Form. One of my muckers (went on to be a British Midland, then Virgin, pilot) insisted he'd heard that the last words on the cockpit voice recorder were, "Have you sh¡t yourself?"
The pilot I believe was being checked out by the companies senior flying instructor who during take of started to suffer a heart attack. He forced the plane to take too steep an angle and it stalled falling out of the sky. Medical checks on crews and protocols for taking over aircraft under stress were changed after this.

British European Airways Flight 548 - Wikipedia
 
#20
Resurrected from the vaults.


My worst ever farting session was fuelled by a weekend of curry, Chinese, chilli, lager, red wine and malt whisky.

I went to bed thoroughly refreshed late Sunday night. I was woken up in the middle of the night by a strange shuffling and clicking noise accompanied by flashes of light. As I rather groggily surfaced I realised that Mrs TS1 was walking around the bedroom flicking a lighter on and off.

"WTF are you doing?"

"I am trying to burn off your farts. It smells like a gas chamber in here"

In the end she gave up and went to sleep in our daughters room. I went for a slash and when I walked back in the bedroom I nearly fainted.

I opened all the windows but the noxious vapours were heavier than air and hovered around at pillow level. I genuinely thought I would get asphyxiated in bed.

(As this is a flatulence thread I will gloss over the solid by-product follow-up although "solid" might be less than accurate).

My red wine and roast pork/lamb farts are notable area denial weapons/room-clearers. On the upside I can tell what I had for dinner last night, which is handy given the memory loss.
 
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