Michael Phelps- Retard Strong?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by crabtastic, Aug 13, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Something has been bothering me for the last few days about Michael Phelps' dominance in the pool. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but then- all of a sudden- it hit me. Could it be that the spams have figured out a way to channel super mong-strength in a manner more productive than kicking seven shades of shite out of their handlers and/or any kids who rip the p1ss out of them?

    I mean, look at him:

    [​IMG]

    He clearly has an extra chromosome rattling about in there somewhere or had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck a bit too long. By my reckoning his charge towards Olympic history can be thwarted by distracting him with some ice cream and the odd brightly coloured balloon here and there.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. Good point. Maybe the Aussies can get back on top of the pile with the introduction of some fluffy little bunny rabbits.
     
  3. Erm..... He was diagnosed with ADHD, a learning disability, as a child.

    He has however earned $5 million in the past year so he must be doing something right.
     
  4. Command_doh

    Command_doh LE Book Reviewer

    So he is a hyperactive spaz?

    Your logic fails however, because I am not currently winning any gold medals...

    What am I doing wrong? Furiously masturbating and swearing at strangers is not currently an Olympic event either.
     
  5. Maybe you could start a petition to have it as a demonstration event at the London Olympics with medal competition starting in 2016. Not sure who would be doing product endorsements. Would K-Y pay as much as Speedo? Not sure,
     
  6. What's better than winning gold at the Special Olympics?
    Not being retarded :)
     
  7. Pish and nonsense. ADHD is another made-up affliction that exists only because:

    a) thick kids won't sit down and shut the fcuk up;
    b) parents and teachers are no longer allowed to kick the fcuk out of them when they don't;
    c) Drug companies come up with drugs like ritalin and then have to think of "disorders" that they could cure- much like Restless Leg Syndrome- just so there was a legitimate reason for college kids to be holding onto cases of the stuff when the police came knocking.

    $5m (plus another mil from Speedo, as I understand)- Jesus, can you imagine how flash his new tambourine is going to be? Yes, he's obviously doing something right, but then that Corky kid from Life Goes On had a good run for a while, too. I still wouldn't want either of them to go into the field of neurosurgery. Besides, Phelps is not even the most overpaid retard in sports:

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Is it me or does Phelps look suspicously like Forest Gump ?????
     
  9. I thought it was more like Adam Sandler in Little Nicky.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    Are they related? I think we should be told...
     
  10. There's a profile in the Sunday Times - he was one of the weakest swimmers they had on the team out of water and he only started weight training last year.

    Swimming - too many medals, too many distances, too many strokes....I mean jesus, they took the 1k out of the cycling and we have nver had a 300m track race. which is a brilliant distance - the 200 people come up and the 400 come down, it's usually as tight as hell.

    Moreover, in no other sport do natural (and otherwise undesirable) features give you such an advantage - freakishly long arms, hypermobile joints, short fat legs, big feet and hands....

    A 100, 200, 400 and 800, use whatever stroke you like, and that's it, IMHO
     
  11. Isn't his middle name EPO?
     
  12. I read a report on his daily food intake, for breakfast he starts with three fried egg sandwiches, egg banjos the food of champions.
     
  13. He has to eat 3 because he drools 2/3 of whatever he eats out the side of his mouth.
     
  14. Supposedly 12,000 calories a day, but I don't believe that. The numbers didn't even begin to add up.