MI5 recruiting gay spies

#1
So this is the news flash
"LONDON (AFP) - The Security Service is actively recruiting gay spies and wants its staff to be more open about their sexuality, the Financial Times reported Monday.

(Advertisement)
The chief executive of Stonewall, a gay rights lobby group, told the business daily it had been hired by the Security Service -- better known as MI5 -- to help the agency encourage more gay applicants for positions.

"Historically, public services were delivered by the man from the ministry, who was white and heterosexual and got the 4:30 pm (train) back to Tunbridge Wells every afternoon," Ben Summerskill said.

"This (move by MI5) is recognition that the establishment is changing and slowly becoming more reflective of wider society."

The intelligence agencies have in recent years attempted to cast a wider net when it comes to recruiting -- the country's foreign intelligence service MI6 placed its first-ever advertisement for jobs in a newspaper in May 2007, and in recent years, it has launched its own website.

Separately, the Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ), Britain's intelligence listening post, has embedded advertisements into popular video games in a bid to attract tech-savvy recruits."
Link http://uk.news.yahoo.com/afp/20080818/tuk-britain-intelligence-gay-jobs-advert-a7ad41d.html

I thought judging from the 'Cambridge 5' that being homosexual was mandatory. It was just that they kept it quiet and entered by the back door !! :D

D_B
 
#2
Of course, HM intelligence services have always been well known for their rampant heterosexuality....
 
#5
I wonder if they have a 'ring gauge' for the medicals. That would exclude RAF regt then !! :evil:

Perhaps they think gays would be able to secrete a complete radio (rather than a few matches & a fiver) where no-one will find it :wink:

D_B
 
#7
arby said:
Mr_Deputy said:
arby said:
you got your application in then Mr_D?
no thanks and you most likely took all the forms you big gay Jock.
Well sir, I may be a homosexual, but I am no scot.





And before jarrod gets all excited and starts PMing me, I was joking.
For which relief :)wink:) much thanks!
 
#8
" Not only 9 to 5 but now gay and alive"

Priority will be given to candidates who turn up, snappily dressed, crew cut hair style, gym membership card and non visible tattoes, however, interview points awarded for dolphin tattoes on arse cheeks or ankle. Candidates should check the revised answers to the following on our information website :

1) Cork or screw top on a Tempranillo-Merlot 2001
2) Fennel Risotto? grated Parmesan or not?
3) Nasty PSNI man tells you to go walk your own fcuking poodle and you reply....?
4) Military type puts his hand up your arrse, helping you onboard the Chinook helio, would you
a) feign annoyance, b) push backwards or c) ask for his mobile number, purely for ops reasons only of course.
5) what eyeliner, best matches desert cam. Carefull on this one. Do doublecheck the website.
 
#10
Alec_Lomas said:
" Not only 9 to 5 but now gay and alive"

Priority will be given to candidates who turn up, snappily dressed, crew cut hair style, gym membership card and non visible tattoes, however, interview points awarded for dolphin tattoes on arse cheeks or ankle. Candidates should check the revised answers to the following on our information website :

1) Cork or screw top on a Tempranillo-Merlot 2001
2) Fennel Risotto? grated Parmesan or not?
3) Nasty PSNI man tells you to go walk your own fcuking poodle and you reply....?
4) Military type puts his hand up your arrse, helping you onboard the Chinook helio, would you
a) feign annoyance, b) push backwards or c) ask for his mobile number, purely for ops reasons only of course.
5) what eyeliner, best matches desert cam. Carefull on this one. Do doublecheck the website.
On a more serious note(pulls on body-armour/helmet, checks shell-scrape)I'd be more impressed if the Spooks set up the Regional Intelligence Centres that were promised at least a year BEFORE 7/7.

Inspite of the fact that the only Islamic terrorist attack outside of London happend at Glasgow Airport, and that Glasgow had been used as a base for the attempted strike on London 24 hours earlier, we still don't have any Spooks up here. They're parachuted in for specific jobs - like advising the Scottish Parliament on security measures - then return to the Smoke.

I can well understand why Intelligence Officers in London have no wish to transfer up here(for a start most don't speak the lanquage :wink: )but surely the Spooks can recruit local "talent"?

OK, rant over. We can get back to slagging off the pillow-biters! :twisted:
 
#13
Werewolf said:
Alec_Lomas said:
" Not only 9 to 5 but now gay and alive"

Priority will be given to candidates who turn up, snappily dressed, crew cut hair style, gym membership card and non visible tattoes, however, interview points awarded for dolphin tattoes on arse cheeks or ankle. Candidates should check the revised answers to the following on our information website :

1) Cork or screw top on a Tempranillo-Merlot 2001
2) Fennel Risotto? grated Parmesan or not?
3) Nasty PSNI man tells you to go walk your own fcuking poodle and you reply....?
4) Military type puts his hand up your arrse, helping you onboard the Chinook helio, would you
a) feign annoyance, b) push backwards or c) ask for his mobile number, purely for ops reasons only of course.
5) what eyeliner, best matches desert cam. Carefull on this one. Do doublecheck the website.
On a more serious note(pulls on body-armour/helmet, checks shell-scrape)I'd be more impressed if the Spooks set up the Regional Intelligence Centres that were promised at least a year BEFORE 7/7.

Inspite of the fact that the only Islamic terrorist attack outside of London happend at Glasgow Airport, and that Glasgow had been used as a base for the attempted strike on London 24 hours earlier, we still don't have any Spooks up here. They're parachuted in for specific jobs - like advising the Scottish Parliament on security measures - then return to the Smoke.

I can well understand why Intelligence Officers in London have no wish to transfer up here(for a start most don't speak the lanquage :wink: )but surely the Spooks can recruit local "talent"?

OK, rant over. We can get back to slagging off the pillow-biters! :twisted:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7137315.stm

Seems to be an ongoing process.
 
#14
You can just imagine the new selection boards...

Spook: "Tell me: do you think you could kill a man?"

Applicant: "Ooo, I suppose I could - eventually!" :twisted:

WW - seconded what you said. But we'll probably have to wait 'til AQ sets of a SADM in London and they evacuate the place before we get Spooks North of the Border... :roll:
 
#15
FrankCastle said:
You can just imagine the new selection boards...

Spook: "Tell me: do you think you could kill a man?"

Applicant: "Ooo, I suppose I could - eventually!" :twisted:

WW - seconded what you said. But we'll probably have to wait 'til AQ sets of a SADM in London and they evacuate the place before we get Spooks North of the Border... :roll:
What about if he was coming really hard? and from behind too? Would you take him Frank?
 
#16
Werewolf said:
Alec_Lomas said:
" Not only 9 to 5 but now gay and alive"

Priority will be given to candidates who turn up, snappily dressed, crew cut hair style, gym membership card and non visible tattoes, however, interview points awarded for dolphin tattoes on arse cheeks or ankle. Candidates should check the revised answers to the following on our information website :

1) Cork or screw top on a Tempranillo-Merlot 2001
2) Fennel Risotto? grated Parmesan or not?
3) Nasty PSNI man tells you to go walk your own fcuking poodle and you reply....?
4) Military type puts his hand up your arrse, helping you onboard the Chinook helio, would you
a) feign annoyance, b) push backwards or c) ask for his mobile number, purely for ops reasons only of course.
5) what eyeliner, best matches desert cam. Carefull on this one. Do doublecheck the website.
On a more serious note(pulls on body-armour/helmet, checks shell-scrape)I'd be more impressed if the Spooks set up the Regional Intelligence Centres that were promised at least a year BEFORE 7/7.

Inspite of the fact that the only Islamic terrorist attack outside of London happend at Glasgow Airport, and that Glasgow had been used as a base for the attempted strike on London 24 hours earlier, we still don't have any Spooks up here. They're parachuted in for specific jobs - like advising the Scottish Parliament on security measures - then return to the Smoke.

I can well understand why Intelligence Officers in London have no wish to transfer up here(for a start most don't speak the lanquage :wink: )but surely the Spooks can recruit local "talent"?

OK, rant over. We can get back to slagging off the pillow-biters! :twisted:
WW, perhaps SOCA stepped in and like the famous 'Yosser' said " Gis a job, I can do that"

As for the Smoke, try Belfast as well.
 
#17
Random_Task said:
Werewolf said:
Alec_Lomas said:
" Not only 9 to 5 but now gay and alive"

Priority will be given to candidates who turn up, snappily dressed, crew cut hair style, gym membership card and non visible tattoes, however, interview points awarded for dolphin tattoes on arse cheeks or ankle. Candidates should check the revised answers to the following on our information website :

1) Cork or screw top on a Tempranillo-Merlot 2001
2) Fennel Risotto? grated Parmesan or not?
3) Nasty PSNI man tells you to go walk your own fcuking poodle and you reply....?
4) Military type puts his hand up your arrse, helping you onboard the Chinook helio, would you
a) feign annoyance, b) push backwards or c) ask for his mobile number, purely for ops reasons only of course.
5) what eyeliner, best matches desert cam. Carefull on this one. Do doublecheck the website.
On a more serious note(pulls on body-armour/helmet, checks shell-scrape)I'd be more impressed if the Spooks set up the Regional Intelligence Centres that were promised at least a year BEFORE 7/7.

Inspite of the fact that the only Islamic terrorist attack outside of London happend at Glasgow Airport, and that Glasgow had been used as a base for the attempted strike on London 24 hours earlier, we still don't have any Spooks up here. They're parachuted in for specific jobs - like advising the Scottish Parliament on security measures - then return to the Smoke.

I can well understand why Intelligence Officers in London have no wish to transfer up here(for a start most don't speak the lanquage :wink: )but surely the Spooks can recruit local "talent"?

OK, rant over. We can get back to slagging off the pillow-biters! :twisted:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7137315.stm

Seems to be an ongoing process.
Fair one. But as off March this year, MI5 had "No Regional Intelligence Centre in Scotland and no plans to create one in the forseeable future." This was the answer I was given by 5's Recruitment Hotline.
 
#18
Am I getting this right?

I assume they are being recruited because there is some top secret task which requires 008 to be bummed for several years in order to download information from his Terrorist master via DNA being deposited in his Rectum.

Not!

Lets recruit mincers because the public want our spies to reflect the community in which they serve!
 
#19
Alec_Lomas said:
Werewolf said:
Alec_Lomas said:
" Not only 9 to 5 but now gay and alive"

Priority will be given to candidates who turn up, snappily dressed, crew cut hair style, gym membership card and non visible tattoes, however, interview points awarded for dolphin tattoes on arse cheeks or ankle. Candidates should check the revised answers to the following on our information website :

1) Cork or screw top on a Tempranillo-Merlot 2001
2) Fennel Risotto? grated Parmesan or not?
3) Nasty PSNI man tells you to go walk your own fcuking poodle and you reply....?
4) Military type puts his hand up your arrse, helping you onboard the Chinook helio, would you
a) feign annoyance, b) push backwards or c) ask for his mobile number, purely for ops reasons only of course.
5) what eyeliner, best matches desert cam. Carefull on this one. Do doublecheck the website.
On a more serious note(pulls on body-armour/helmet, checks shell-scrape)I'd be more impressed if the Spooks set up the Regional Intelligence Centres that were promised at least a year BEFORE 7/7.

Inspite of the fact that the only Islamic terrorist attack outside of London happend at Glasgow Airport, and that Glasgow had been used as a base for the attempted strike on London 24 hours earlier, we still don't have any Spooks up here. They're parachuted in for specific jobs - like advising the Scottish Parliament on security measures - then return to the Smoke.

I can well understand why Intelligence Officers in London have no wish to transfer up here(for a start most don't speak the lanquage :wink: )but surely the Spooks can recruit local "talent"?

OK, rant over. We can get back to slagging off the pillow-biters! :twisted:
WW, perhaps SOCA stepped in and like the famous 'Yosser' said " Gis a job, I can do that"

As for the Smoke, try Belfast as well.
SOCA have a small presance up here, mostly working alongside SCDEA at Osprey House.

From what I've heard of the Thundercats, I'd much prefer Spooks - whatever team they play for! :wink:

Yeah, I noticed an advert for a position(not IO)in the Belfast RIC.
 
#20
Werewolf said:
Random_Task said:
Werewolf said:
Alec_Lomas said:
" Not only 9 to 5 but now gay and alive"

Priority will be given to candidates who turn up, snappily dressed, crew cut hair style, gym membership card and non visible tattoes, however, interview points awarded for dolphin tattoes on arse cheeks or ankle. Candidates should check the revised answers to the following on our information website :

1) Cork or screw top on a Tempranillo-Merlot 2001
2) Fennel Risotto? grated Parmesan or not?
3) Nasty PSNI man tells you to go walk your own fcuking poodle and you reply....?
4) Military type puts his hand up your arrse, helping you onboard the Chinook helio, would you
a) feign annoyance, b) push backwards or c) ask for his mobile number, purely for ops reasons only of course.
5) what eyeliner, best matches desert cam. Carefull on this one. Do doublecheck the website.
On a more serious note(pulls on body-armour/helmet, checks shell-scrape)I'd be more impressed if the Spooks set up the Regional Intelligence Centres that were promised at least a year BEFORE 7/7.

Inspite of the fact that the only Islamic terrorist attack outside of London happend at Glasgow Airport, and that Glasgow had been used as a base for the attempted strike on London 24 hours earlier, we still don't have any Spooks up here. They're parachuted in for specific jobs - like advising the Scottish Parliament on security measures - then return to the Smoke.

I can well understand why Intelligence Officers in London have no wish to transfer up here(for a start most don't speak the lanquage :wink: )but surely the Spooks can recruit local "talent"?

OK, rant over. We can get back to slagging off the pillow-biters! :twisted:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7137315.stm

Seems to be an ongoing process.
Fair one. But as off March this year, MI5 had "No Regional Intelligence Centre in Scotland and no plans to create one in the forseeable future." This was the answer I was given by 5's Recruitment Hotline.
Well in light of the discussion topic, gives you a bit of extra time to 'bone up' on the essentials prior to putting in an application to join:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00005V3WH/?tag=armrumser-20

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0071430180/?tag=armrumser-20
 

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