MGS Jobsworth Pr*@k

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by toonmad, Jan 15, 2007.

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  1. A few weekends ago i was in my local boozer near camp when in walks one of the gentlemen from our camps MGS. On making very brief eye contact, he ask how i was (he recognised me), i reply "Fine thanks", "You", (big F*@king mistake), i then get a 40 minute account of his life, Ex Inf, (nowt against Inf by the way), 22yr Full Screw, should have been a General, Wife F**@ked best mate, Blah, blah, blah.......... What a Knob !!!!!!

    Next morning on driving in to camp the very same MGS bloke subjects me to the full works, ID card check (back and front), Full car search, questions like " Have you checked your vehicle this morning", "Have you left it unattended"...... for 10 mins this went on.. I was seriously p*@@ed off.. :frustrated: Had i upset him by my bored expression the previous day????

    So you can imagine my delight a week later when i drove into camp early (2am) one morning to find the very same guy fast asleep in the guard box, feet on the bench and drool escaping over his left cheek... Deep F**king Joy... I quietly got out of the car and walked up to the guard box and proceeded to bang on the window with all my might, This resulted in said MGS guy, Shitting himself, Falling off his chair, banging his head against a heater on the wall, CLARET EVERYWHERE!!!!!!

    I could barely drive, my eyes where watering that much once back in the car with all the laughing i had done, my sides ached for days. I am now waved through without a word being exchanged...

    Squaddie - 1 MGS Jobsworth P*@ck - Nil
  2. Ord_Sgt

    Ord_Sgt RIP

    You're going to hell you do know that? karma being what it is. :meditate:
  3. Judging by some of the tales of derring do on here i suspect he won't be standing by the bar in Ye Olde Fiery Furnace public house all by his oncey savvy though will he??? :cyclopsani:
  4. Ord_Sgt

    Ord_Sgt RIP

    Indeed it's likely to be quite a crowded bar :headbang:
  5. My sentiments exactly, hell won't be so bad; all your mates are bound to be there.
  6. i don't think 'crowded' quite covers the degree of 'sperm packed into a 10 year old wank-sock' crushedness that its likely to be encountered whilst trying to get a babycham at that particular hostelry!!! :plotting:
  7. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Perhaps he was just a troubled soul who just wanted a little companionship from a comrade.

    Hang on, on second thought he does sound like a tw%t.
  8. I think you've got it wrong...

    22 Yr Cpl (Rtd) 'Pulls' serving soldier in pub = 1-0

    22 Yr Cpl (Rtd) Bores you with his life story = 2-0

    22 Yr Cpl (Rtd) Pretends to ignore bloke he 'pulled' in pub = 3-0

    22 Yr Cpl (Rtd) Strips your car down and generally messes you about = 4-0

    22 Yr Cpl (Rtd) Gets rude awakening at early o'clock = 4-1

    Even if you award yourself double marks for flooring him without making physical contact he's still ahead and that makes you his bitch.

    Next time try setting the guard box alight and bang his missus over the bonnet of his car that you've just backed up to the door of said guard box. That should just about balance the tables... just!

    Good luck in your pursuit of perfection! I'd help you out but I've got this bad back see... would have made at least full Colonel... it got political and I just didn't need the pressure...
  9. Soldier W,

    Thankyou for your words of wisdom, but surely the ability to draw blood from a complete Cnut without physical contact is deserving of at least 5 points.

    One point i would care to comment on was he did not "Pull Me", i ended up with a ugly munter that evening and wear he badge of shame for thinking i could get away with it without my mate seeing the dog in question.........
  10. Granted, a few extra marks for the claret but...

    Denying it is one thing but trying to cover up with the NAAFI staple of "I pulled a munter" just to prove your uber-hetroness is beneath contempt. This 22yr full screw clearly didn't make it because of his fondness for touching young soldiers' bottoms but he was a good soldier so his regiment looked after him. Now he's out he's chosen a second career that gives him the opportunity to meet game young lads in uniform.

    If I were you I'd quit while I were ahead, or at least not too far behind that you can't leave with at least a modicum of dignity.

    I think I speak on behalf of the whole ARRSE community when I say we feel for your sorry violated hoop.
  11. on a seperate note, along the mgs line,(bear opsec in mind when answering).

    why are there so many different types of guard,barrier pumping jobs?
    heres my list
    mod plod
    mod plod walt (police commuity support officer looking thing)
    rmp/raf plod
    guard force made up off troops that are dicked for job.
    pads wife(issuing passes)

    now surely the cost of all these different types must vary, so why not just have one type, id vote for mpgs as it gives ex soldiers a chance to stay in the job and it also frees up troops to run around and police swiss tonys world affair policy.
  12. I don't know if it's changed recently but the only time I ever stagged on a barrier was during basic training at Chichester - nowhere else!! so I think you're confusing RMP with RAFP who are just glorified security guards :nod:
  13. Im MPGS at a RAF station and we have that kind of thing going on. We're run by the rafp who do the square root of jack shit and keep looking for things to do to justify their jobs here but just get in our way. We've got civvy women working in the guardroom.

    It annoys the feck out of us and we just want them to do one and let us get on with the job we're supposed to be doing :shakefist:

    Anyways, can be all bad, I only work five and a half months out of the year for full screw pay :thumright:
  14. That's because you lot can't be trusted with complicated things like checking ID and car passes at the same time.
  15. That's a bit harsh isn't it?

    Don't forget that they are also breathing AND blinking at the same time :D