Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Hector_Chavez_V, Dec 7, 2011.

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  1. Had a curry last night with a mate whilst we had a catch up.

    He is a brickie who doing up an old farm house for himself in the middle of nowhere and I asked him how he was getting on with the cold as he is living in a caravan till its done, 'ok' says he, 'but the wind is playing havoc with my nipples'. I studied his face for signs of mirth but he then followed it up by saying 'I got some cream from Boots but they are still red raw, I was a bit embarrassed asking the girl at the counter for it' whilst cupping his hands to his sore tits. I executed a swift changing of subject and all was well until he mentioned that he had seen his ex partner with her new bloke on a night out, after enquiring as to how she was he adopted a far away look and just muttered 'I couldnt speak to her, I was on the verge of tears', Fuck me thought I, and so began an emotional half hour over chicken bhunas and chips as he professed his undying love for her and various other statements of sentimental shite, all this coming from a man who is harder than a coffin nail.

    I know this 'sharing of feelings' and 'taking care to look good' has been steadily creeping in for the last decade but I'm convinced there are just a few of us left. I am quite straightforward getting ready for a night out. I shower, slap a bit of cold water on face after, teeth brush, run a bit of wax through my scruffy surfers mop, grab cash, phone, keys and out I go, a process that takes little more than half an hour. I own some nice suits, a few shirts, jeans and a couple of pairs of decent shoes and have been known to apply a bit of moisturiser if I was out on a job or site all day.

    I know a lad with a landscaping business, well I say business, its him and a van and he sorts out most of the Cheshire pricks gardens and grounds. He also has a nose of such epic proportions it make his eyes look like they are joined together. The lad is ugly in every sense of the word but he is dripping with fanny, he has Robin Askwith style affairs with lonely old slags and peoples daughters and is not without a new bird every night he goes out. How? The cunt is obsessed with his appearance, his black hair is cut and styled weekly, he coats his skin in creams, potions and sunbeds daily, now unless he is fucking the ladies with his inordinately massive conk his metrosexuality is seemingly a winner..

    It used to be your bird you were waiting for to get ready, now you can be sat in a mates kitchen demolishing his fridges alcohol stock whilst the fucking fem preens and couffures himself in front of a full length mirror upstairs, I am fucking forever placating waiting taxi drivers and asking them to 'hang on one more minute you paki cunt, fucknuts upstairs is still playing with his hair..!!'.

    So in essence, we are fucked, those of us that thunder along quite happily and who are blissfully un-arrsed if we go bald, get jowls, turn the socks you have on inside out to use for a second day or look generally in disarray day to day will be overwhelmed by facemask wearing, hair spiking, emotion sharing quims who seem to be bagging all the choicer talent.

    Got any super metrosexual pals? How metrosexual are you? (and be fucking honest!)
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  2. None were I come from it's still like living in the stone age people still turn heads when they see a darkie
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  3. Hair wax and moisturiser and you have the nerve to call other blokes fem?

    Pot-kettle you know the rest.
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  4. Same as where i come from. But im not metrosexual in the slightest (i think even owning a pink item of clothing is fucking gay) and i agree with all of the above. I also have a very metrosexual mate who pouts and flirts with himself in mirrors, crys if you touch his hair and locked himself away for days when he heard that Westlife split up (hes not gay but might as fucking well be). Not the best looking guy in the world either but again seems to have women and young girls dripping off him in clubs. Cunt
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  5. I offer my previous-worn pants and socks to the dog to sniff, and if he tries to take them off and chew them I put on fresh ones. And I do better than average for clunge.

    These pansy-boys are pulling because of the gusset-moistening confidence all this shite they go in for gives them. I on the other hand am gusset-moisteningly confident because I know I don't need any of it.
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  6. Bollocks :) I'm man personified..(with considerably more hair than you)
  7. You big fucking hermer. By the way, I think you meant to say "turn the socks you have on inside out to use for a second week". Ponce.
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  8. I'm with you on the getting ready. Occasionally if it's a special night out, I'll even have a shave and possibly put some after shave on.

    I used to work in a warehouse and get covered in slate and concrete dust in a normal day. Of an evening I would use an exfoliating cream and moisturiser on my face. This was only because I'd end up looking blacker than 5A's aresehole after a day working there. Now I no longer work in that type of enviroment I just wash my face normally.

    What I find a pain in the arse now, is staring blankly at all the "mens grooming products" in a supermarket. When all I want is anti-sweat spray, or shaving foam. You can't see the wood for the trees.
  9. Fuck off, you try keeping hair like this in order!!

    Attached Files:

  10. £28.00 for my moisturiser, I could have crushed a grape!
  11. The fact you know the fucking price makes me think your a homo!
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  12. I use styling putty on my hair (although it is kept shorter than a yellow tree frogs cock) I'll use skin cream if I'm in shit state but apart from that I'm not fussed.

    My mate's younger brothers and such make me piss when they are about. Every last one has a wonky mullet cut that would have cost them £80 to get done by a hom called Guy, a tight vest with a plunging neckline and all look to be on steroids. All upper body and stick thin legs. They all look like someone's got a hidden cunt cloning factory somewhere.

    Maybe I'm just a miserable cunt that doesn't like to admit its time to hang up my Stan Smiths and start buying beige clothing from Blacks or Marks and Sparks?
  13. It could have been worse. You could have wanted to wrestle an Action Man.

    You Stu Francis walt.
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