Messing With Peoples Heads...

#1
for some reason I just couldn't concentrate on things yesterday and had to clear my mind [ open's himself to abuse on this point ]

first; I went for a drive to pick up munchies and pulled up in the left-turn lane on a street..noticed a good looking woman in the car to my right.She had her hand dangling out the window and I noted that she had no wedding band or engagement ring. I gave the horn a quick tweak and she looked up and turned my way. I waved my hand and pointed to the fact that I had no rings as well, then at her hand, then a I pantomimed the hand to the ear' phone thingy' pose and mouthed the words ' call me ' and then turned left leaving her in a trance.. she waqs so taken with my action she failed to move when the light had changed and got a blast from the fellow in the car behind...

scarred her for life, I did.. no doubt..


Then; at home, for some reason I was the victim of telemarketer calls [ must be their time of the month ] after about the third I began answering the phone thusly: [ in monotone voice ] " 9450 - this call is being monitored.. .state your code name and the password for the day. "

consternation at other end ensued..

then I settled down with a tall shot of Bowmore..

ah, life is good...

still got bugger all done, though...

anyone else prone to ' street theatre' and other antics to pass the time? need something new for the repertoire..
 
#2
Your shoes need a polish, also you need to clean your mouse and keyboard - luckily I was wearing gloves and did not get skin contact with them.

BTW, the lotion it rubs on its skin is in your bathroom.

:twisted:
 
#3
During the summer I'm prone to behaving badly to tourists

Johnny Foreigner: "Excue me - can vous direct moi to Wimbledon tennis?"

G_S_B: "Certainly my little chum. Walk down here, do a right onto Kingston Road and it's about 3/4 a mile. Toodlepip!"


ANd so they wander off to Wimbledon Community tennis courts in Raynes Park. Well, if they'd asked for the All England Lawn Tennis Club....
 
#4
Fcuking bravo good stuff lol.

I am prone to use my wit at awkward times its just half the fcuking mongs dont understand it so i end up walking away defeated.

Being a retard, walking home from cinema one night a few years back me n my mates saw this gorgeous lass and her mates so for 15 mins we just walked behind her giggling and taking the piss, they turned around and suddenly we was just giving the 1000 yarder,eyes wide open, mouths going up and down, until they took a very sly detour into KFC and got on their phones it was late so most probably old bill, was funny at the time though
 
#5
callum13 said:
Being a retard, ... me n my mates saw this gorgeous lass and her mates so for 15 mins we just ... behind her giggling ... they turned around and ... we was ... mouths going up and down, until they took a very sly detour into KFC and got on their phones it was late so most probably old bill, was funny at the time though
I'd be straight on the f**king phone to the cops too, if a mlarr posse was tailing me for 15 minutes with their mouths going up and down giggling.
 
#6
Rocketeer said:
and then turned left leaving her in a trance..

scarred her for life, I did.. no doubt..
Forgot what I was going to put so ignore this mong post.


Feckin work get's in the way of humour. Gits.
 
#7
I got up to some 'street theatre' once.

There was this gorgeous looking lass walking slightly forward of me the one evening.
She clocked me and instantly starting wiggling her arrse even more as she walked, she turned around and gave me a coy little smile which I promptly returned.
Fortunately she was going the same way as me so the flirting continued for a bit.
For some reason I dont remember, I just couldnt help myself she was gorgeous and quite obviously gagging for it, the little temptress.













So I raped her :twisted:
 
#9
Arndale centre Manchester, last summer, me and the lady boss were walking out of Dixons when the security alarm went off, I screamed "god no!" and sprinted off towards the exit as the alarm screeched its head off ! Saw many twitching heads and one rosy red cheeked Ms Reni....
 
#14

Trans-sane

LE
Book Reviewer
#15
Try this one for a cheap laugh. Get a couple of mates with you on a sunny saturday arvo, stare up at some random point.

I did this while at uni up in newcastle. We stood there for 10 mins staring at the side of the most boring bloody building in sight and low and behold people started to join us staring at nothing. Another 10 mins later we had a small crowd joining us and we thinned out to the pub for the rest of the arvo (ah Hancock's what a place. Read Irony into this as you choose, it started good and turned into a dive). We spent the next hour arguing if they would a/ still be there when we went to catch a metro and b/ if any one of the mongs would have asked the question "what are we looking at?"

We rolled up to Gray's Monument and the answer to question a/ was deffo yes. About 20 of them to be exact.

Now the answer to question b/ would determine who bought the next case of wifebeater so I joined the group and after a couple of minutes ask what we were looking at. None of them had a clue. None of them had thought to ask. I DIDN'T have to get the tinnies in.

PS. It wasn't a match day otherwise you wouldn't have been able to get the toon army away from St. James' Park with a crowbar.
 
#16
I always enjoy sidling up to to a shop assistant in any national chain and say "there's a code 10 in ailse 4", get's 'em running everytime.







Still dunno what a code 10 is!
 
#18
Mr_Deputy said:
callum13 said:
Fcuking bravo good stuff lol.

I am prone to use my wit at awkward times its just half the fcuking mongs dont understand it so i end up walking away defeated.

Being a retard, walking home from cinema one night a few years back me n my mates saw this gorgeous lass and her mates so for 15 mins we just walked behind her giggling and taking the urine, they turned around and suddenly we was just giving the 1000 yarder,eyes wide open, mouths going up and down, until they took a very sly detour into KFC and got on their phones it was late so most probably old bill, was funny at the time though
which language is this in?
Translated from the original Bantu, most likely... :?
 

Guns

ADC
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#19
When they ask at the bar/coffee counter if you want a tray to help carry the 18 pints of beer, just say "No thanks I have enough to carry as it is" Dress it up as you like but it makes me giggle.
 
#20
I was stuck in a traffic jam in Wembley within sight of the stadium last summer. It was roasting hot, I was hot and bothered and the traffic wasnt moving in either direction. Windows down cos my firm dont pay for Air conditioning, andCapital radio was crap so I started to look around...no ladies about, just cars and vans full of folks with the windows down. :-(

Anyway, to my right was an office building with scaffolding on the outside and loads of workmen on the scaffolding doing workman stuff. I noticed this one guy with shades on but with MASSIVE lenses in. Mischief took over...

"Oi" I shouted at the workman with the shades but he didnt look up, although one of his workmates did. I pointed at the guy with shades indicating that I wanted to speak to him and just shouted " Give him a shout for me mate". The workman walked along the scaffolding to get his mated with the shades on , and his workmates were looking up from fixing the scaffolding wondering what or who i was.

When the workman finally tapped shades guy on the shoulder and he looked over i shouted "Oi mate you should have gone to specsavers" as loud as i could and pointed at him. I thought Id be the only one to find it funny, but his workmates started laughing their heads off and some of the workmen in traffic looked up at this guy with the massive shades and started to laugh like fcuk too. Shades guy was destroyed and i couldnt stop laughing for an age, and nor could those around me. It was one of those moments. :D

....And no, I didnt get filled in ALTHOUGH IN HINDSIGHT iM QUITE SURPRISED :D
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
crabtastic The NAAFI Bar 24
Phil306 The NAAFI Bar 11
SnapDragon Seniors 11

Similar threads

Latest Threads