Messing With Peoples Heads...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Rocketeer, Apr 23, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. for some reason I just couldn't concentrate on things yesterday and had to clear my mind [ open's himself to abuse on this point ]

    first; I went for a drive to pick up munchies and pulled up in the left-turn lane on a street..noticed a good looking woman in the car to my right.She had her hand dangling out the window and I noted that she had no wedding band or engagement ring. I gave the horn a quick tweak and she looked up and turned my way. I waved my hand and pointed to the fact that I had no rings as well, then at her hand, then a I pantomimed the hand to the ear' phone thingy' pose and mouthed the words ' call me ' and then turned left leaving her in a trance.. she waqs so taken with my action she failed to move when the light had changed and got a blast from the fellow in the car behind...

    scarred her for life, I did.. no doubt..


    Then; at home, for some reason I was the victim of telemarketer calls [ must be their time of the month ] after about the third I began answering the phone thusly: [ in monotone voice ] " 9450 - this call is being monitored.. .state your code name and the password for the day. "

    consternation at other end ensued..

    then I settled down with a tall shot of Bowmore..

    ah, life is good...

    still got bugger all done, though...

    anyone else prone to ' street theatre' and other antics to pass the time? need something new for the repertoire..
     
  2. Your shoes need a polish, also you need to clean your mouse and keyboard - luckily I was wearing gloves and did not get skin contact with them.

    BTW, the lotion it rubs on its skin is in your bathroom.

    :twisted:
     
  3. During the summer I'm prone to behaving badly to tourists

    Johnny Foreigner: "Excue me - can vous direct moi to Wimbledon tennis?"

    G_S_B: "Certainly my little chum. Walk down here, do a right onto Kingston Road and it's about 3/4 a mile. Toodlepip!"


    ANd so they wander off to Wimbledon Community tennis courts in Raynes Park. Well, if they'd asked for the All England Lawn Tennis Club....
     
  4. Fcuking bravo good stuff lol.

    I am prone to use my wit at awkward times its just half the fcuking mongs dont understand it so i end up walking away defeated.

    Being a retard, walking home from cinema one night a few years back me n my mates saw this gorgeous lass and her mates so for 15 mins we just walked behind her giggling and taking the piss, they turned around and suddenly we was just giving the 1000 yarder,eyes wide open, mouths going up and down, until they took a very sly detour into KFC and got on their phones it was late so most probably old bill, was funny at the time though
     
  5. I'd be straight on the f**king phone to the cops too, if a mlarr posse was tailing me for 15 minutes with their mouths going up and down giggling.
     
  6. Forgot what I was going to put so ignore this mong post.


    Feckin work get's in the way of humour. Gits.
     
  7. I got up to some 'street theatre' once.

    There was this gorgeous looking lass walking slightly forward of me the one evening.
    She clocked me and instantly starting wiggling her arrse even more as she walked, she turned around and gave me a coy little smile which I promptly returned.
    Fortunately she was going the same way as me so the flirting continued for a bit.
    For some reason I dont remember, I just couldnt help myself she was gorgeous and quite obviously gagging for it, the little temptress.













    So I raped her :twisted:
     

  8. :D :D :D :D amazing lol
     
  9. Arndale centre Manchester, last summer, me and the lady boss were walking out of Dixons when the security alarm went off, I screamed "god no!" and sprinted off towards the exit as the alarm screeched its head off ! Saw many twitching heads and one rosy red cheeked Ms Reni....
     
  10. Its not rape if you shout 'SUPRISE!!' first (allegedly)
     
  11. Oh it was a suprise alright.
    The knife against her throat assured her of that.
     
  12. Trans-sane

    Trans-sane LE Book Reviewer

    Try this one for a cheap laugh. Get a couple of mates with you on a sunny saturday arvo, stare up at some random point.

    I did this while at uni up in newcastle. We stood there for 10 mins staring at the side of the most boring bloody building in sight and low and behold people started to join us staring at nothing. Another 10 mins later we had a small crowd joining us and we thinned out to the pub for the rest of the arvo (ah Hancock's what a place. Read Irony into this as you choose, it started good and turned into a dive). We spent the next hour arguing if they would a/ still be there when we went to catch a metro and b/ if any one of the mongs would have asked the question "what are we looking at?"

    We rolled up to Gray's Monument and the answer to question a/ was deffo yes. About 20 of them to be exact.

    Now the answer to question b/ would determine who bought the next case of wifebeater so I joined the group and after a couple of minutes ask what we were looking at. None of them had a clue. None of them had thought to ask. I DIDN'T have to get the tinnies in.

    PS. It wasn't a match day otherwise you wouldn't have been able to get the toon army away from St. James' Park with a crowbar.