Messing with Conspiracy Theorists

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by crabtastic, Feb 1, 2007.

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  1. OK, chaps and chapesses, here's the deal:

    Things have been a little bit "routine" at work of late and, to tell the truth, I've been a bit bored. Fortunately, I have a prime opportunity for a bit of fun in the shape of a colleague who's as nutty as a fruitcake and is something of a conspiracy theorist. The list of bizarre ideas he has is long and varied, but a particular favourite of mine is that he believes that Sony is actually a cover for a cabal known as "State Oil of New York", one of the dark and nefarious organizations that runs the country and the world. He's also a political scientist who refuses to register to vote and doesn't have a driver's license because he doesn't want the government to know where he lives. (Don't ask me how he got here- our best guess is that the real guy is in a shallow grave in the Mojave desert and this tool has assumed his identity.)

    I've started the ball rolling at a fairly low level this morning by leaving a message made from newspaper cuttings in his mailbox. The message reads simply "They are watching you. Act normal." I don't want to go too big, too early but I have a few ideas up my sleeve like dead letter drops, having him followed by a dark SUV etc. Ideally, I'd like to have him travelling across the US on a Greyhound bus (should take about 5-6 days at least) to Washington DC (can't possibly fly- too many records are kept, you see) to meet with friends of mine. Think of the "Col X" scene in JFK with Donald Sutherland and you get the idea.

    Anyhow, does anyone have any good ideas for fcuking with this guy's head? In my mind this is going to be a fairly long term project, lasting months if he doesn't twig and murder me in the mean time.
     
  2. Perhaps an old mobile phone left in his drawer. With added note saying
    'leave this on at all times, I will contact you when the time is right'
     
  3. move stuff around on his desk...just one item per day! or take blurry phone camera photos of hm buying coffee,waiting for the bus,reading a paper and mail them to him anonymously!!
     
  4. 1 - Phone ringing, middle of the night, clicking noises, then - hang up, use a pre paid mobile.

    2 - Leave some form of message, in blood, on his seat at work - watch for CCTV.

    3 - have a chap approach him in the street and hand him an....
     
  5. leave him a "signed" photo of David Icke
     
  6. -Fax him messages from himself 5 years in the future

    -See if anybody at a local airport would be willing to fly a black helicopter near his house (if you can find a recreational pilot with as much time on his hands as you)
     
  7. Kill everyone he knows.
     
  8. Got his Social Security number? print it, in Barcode, onto labels and put one on the back of his coat any day he seems really wound up.
    Make some covert surveillance type photos of him, leave them where he will accidentaly find them,or a printed memo stating that the mark is to be cnsidered a serious threat and consideration is being given to terminating him. This has the added bonus that he might assault some innocent party, then the police get involved and his worst fears are realised.
    Keep us posted
     
  9. Alsacien

    Alsacien LE Moderator

    Does this guy own any firearms?

    Do you work in the State Department?
     
  10. Leave a Sony walkman on his desk with the message 'Join Us' stuck on it.

    Design an excessively cumbersome Illuminati Deception Interrogation and Observation Transmitter (IDIOT for short) which he must wear at all times. A large block of concrete in a bergen should have the desired effect.

    Extra points if you get him to wear a tin foil hat (of your own design), when he meets your 'contact'.

    Bonus points if you get him to meet in Dealey Plaza, behind the grassy knoll.
     
  11. Picking up on the IDIOT...

    Leave a printed message that he needs to request an ID 10 T for a sensitive government area.......
     
  12. Plant your clenched right fist straight in the middle of his mush at a high rate of knots, accompanied by a screaming 'F*ck off, tw*t!', then claim, 'They made me do it'.
     
  13. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    But what if he is right? :pc: :razz:
     
  14. Obviously he is a potential source of ready income..walking ATM.. any true conspiracy theorist won't carry debit/credit cards [ THEY can track you ] so he's going to have pockets flush with cash.. obviously a lead pipe/alley scenario is called for when you need some extra spending money..
    certainly you can lure him in with a ' need to speak to you secretly ' memo, just to keep him on the hook...
     
  15. How about leaving him a message to avoid anyone carrying a book? Tell him if someone approaches him carrying a book to:
    A: run for cover
    B: hide
    C: fake a seizure
    D: deny all knowedge of being normal (well as much as he can) and pretend to be a mong.

    Also recommend a disguise, beige mac, moustache and umbrella should do it. Maybe even a laptop, moby and 2L bottle of tango!!!! :plotting: