Mess pranks!

#1
Had a dineer recently and our PMC warned the very new Mr vice what pranks were planned. Is this usual?

Lots of us Subbies were disapointed in that. However the counter from said Mr Vice was bloody funny.
 

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#2
evilone said:
Had a dineer recently and our PMC warned the very new Mr vice what pranks were planned. Is this usual?

Lots of us Subbies were disapointed in that. However the counter from said Mr Vice was bloody funny.
Specific warnings are in my experience very unusual. More usual in my experience is PMC warning Subbies not to go too far and ruin evening for everyone!
 
#3
I seem to remember a similarly intrusive PMC in our mess being the butt of a fully-fledged assault from the Suabalterns on the mess night in retaliation. On the shout "SUBBIES..... ATTACK!" he was leapt on and wrestled to the ground. Unfortunately, being well over 6 foot, built like a crum-half playing bear he rose to his feet with four subbies hanging off him, baying like Chewbacca and proceeded to beat black and blue, fling and crush against walls all of his assailants.

After a couple of seconds pause, during which he awaited another attack from his panting attackers, warily circling him like a bad guys in an 80s kung fu movie, the one-pippers were sent in a sacrificial wave to cover the withdrawal of the remainder to the bar.

BUT.... if the PMCs a weed then collectively you can have 'im. Extras amuse the Jocks and make you strong like lion.

Fight The Power
 
#4
Talcum power in the napkins is a good one.
or
Tie all the knives, forks, spoons to the chair with fishing line - when chair is pulled back - clatter clatter - spot the target or targets!!
or
Superglue the wine glass/goblet to the table - but stand by for a bill from the QM!!
or
Any more out there...?
 
#5
Mobile phone sellotaped under Mr Vice chair and rung during opptune moment of meal.

Get dental corp to drill a hole down the stem of a port glass. The hole is that small it only leaks when picked up from the table.
 
#6
Well the story I heard in this particular instance was that the only beggar who hadn't been told what was going on was madam PMC herself. Evilone will correct me if I'm wrong but it was the subbies themselves who told Mr Vice what was going to happen.

Funniest part of the night though was an individual (let's call him one-evil to protect his identity) who seemed to have a flatulence attack at the most inopportune moments :lol: Mr vice trying to get the flatulence remote control to work at the same time as remember what toast he was supposed to be proposing was a joy to behold.
 
#7
I seem to remember a similarly intrusive PMC in our mess being the butt of a fully-fledged assault from the Suabalterns on the mess night in retaliation. On the shout "SUBBIES..... ATTACK!" he was leapt on and wrestled to the ground. Unfortunately, being well over 6 foot, built like a crum-half playing bear he rose to his feet with four subbies hanging off him, baying like Chewbacca and proceeded to beat black and blue, fling and crush against walls all of his assailants.

After a couple of seconds pause, during which he awaited another attack from his panting attackers, warily circling him like a bad guys in an 80s kung fu movie, the one-pippers were sent in a sacrificial wave to cover the withdrawal of the remainder to the bar.

BUT.... if the PMCs a weed then collectively you can have 'im. Extras amuse the Jocks and make you strong like lion.
PMSL!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:
took me so long to stop laughing after reading that!!!!! :lol:
brillient :lol:
:roll:
 
#9
^well serves him right anyway. If he had returned his phone calls he would have found your phone (errm, I mean your friend's phone) taped to the chair leg :D

Hon Col thought it was funny and I was pmsl at the fines - mind you when I were a lad it was cases of champagne, not bottles of port and we were fined plenty!!!
 
#10
One of my mates had anaesthetic gel put on his port glass. He was OK doing the "The Queen" toast but when it came to "Heads of State of those here represented" he got into difficulties. Very good!! Again, gel can be obtained from the Dental Corps guys.
 
#11
The one i got done with was quite well thought out...a note left under my place mat detailed numerous tasks i had to undertake or else a horrible fate would be mine. This effectively gave Mr Vice (Me) some rope with which to hang ones self. Luckily extras did not prevail but a good night was had by me and those watching me f*cking about trying to avoid the horror that was to be bestowed upon me (which, incidently, was a mere fabrication).
long live the screwing of Mr Vice...this is one tradition we must keep!!!
 
#12
Clingfilm stretched over the top of a port glass with the excess cut away works a treat, and is far less damaging than the dentist's drill.

I recently attended a livers-in dine in for a batch of fresh faced one pippers. The funniest part of the evening was undoubtedly the "pet food or not" round. 10 items of food, some bought from a butchers (allegedly fit for human consumption), and the remainder came from various tins of pet food (dog treats, cats milk and the like). By and large the pet food was far more palatable than the stuff supposedly eaten by humans as delicassies in that part of Germany. But let us not forget that the Teutonic reputation for brutality is well founded. Their operas last for three or four days, and they have no word for "fluffy"!
 
#13
Back_at_RD said:
But let us not forget that the Teutonic reputation for brutality is well founded. Their operas last for three or four days, and they have no word for "fluffy"!

English German
fluffy= flaumig
fluffy= flockig
fluffy= luftig
fluffy= flauschig
fluffy= fluffig



How many do you need?
 
#14
On arrival at my new unit, I was as ever the keen subaltern, eager to impress while getting firmly esconced into mess life. After the weekly black tie do, a number of pranks started between our mess and the sergeants mess (who were dining out five old and bold) which was started by a then future Adjt. From this info, all you old sweats out their know that the officers mess was therefore on a hiding to nowhere (but we were too pissed to care!). To placate the sgts mess (who were now demanding damages in port) I was sent down to their mess with two bottles of the finest to apologise (like a lamb to the slaughter unbeknown to me, too new at the time!!!). On arrival I was shown into the mess escorted by a couple of the older Lts. As I walked into the most frightrning seen of my life (their bar) I was confronted by THE ENTIRE SGTS MESS who were minging and vocal about the new urcin arriving followed by the other two escorts being bundled out the door, me being grabbed by the ankles and tipped upside down by two gorrilas while having the port whipped from my hands, having my dinner jacket torn from my body, being bundled out the fire exit in a tunnel of death and finally the RSM coming out the fire exit with a yard of ale after me inviting me back and I quote
"You'll do for me sir"
Different way to meet the Battalion personalities don't you think!
 
#15
As said discussed Mr Vice, I can reliably inform the forum that PMC said nothing at all, Evilone had been yanking my chain for 2 weeks about mischief that was planned. so it didn't take a genius to look for all the old chestnuts of fishing gut and talcom powder etc. Having said that, salt round the wine and port glass did leave a nasty taste. The major flaw in their plan was that upon removing the innards from the bell they unwittingly left me with the tools to bodge a replacement in the form of the metal top off my lighter and the fishing gut that had tied my fork to the chair!

The remote controlled fart machine was a laugh and certainly PUT THE WIND up evilone, the ringleader on that night, the fine was well worth it. However having robbed my counterparts of their fun I have since been informed that it was just not cricket and that i should have walked into the prank.

Well what can I say, being new I'm unaware of such protocol and apologise most sincerely, they will get me sooner or later but theres no promises that I won't foil their efforts again unwittingly. Hard work being new and not knowing the score, I try to the best of my ability, and hopefully with some help from friends I will be the officer that people expect from me. :cry: :? :(
 
#16
Here's a good one. Fill party poppers with talcum powder and strap them to the underside of the table with a length of string back to youself, you can then initiate the powder IED at a suitable time later in the dinner when the unsuspecting target believes he or she is safe. Works a treat! Alternatively drilling a hole in the bottom of the port glass is also worth a go but make sure the dentist isn't doing your teeth the next day!
 
E

error_unknown

Guest
#17
Porn taped to the table under the CO's mat - or rather the CO's wifes mat due to misreading the seating plan-she saw the funny side - in fact she spent a good while looking at all sides!!
 
#18
bomblet said:
Here's a good one. Fill party poppers with talcum powder and strap them to the underside of the table with a length of string back to youself, you can then initiate the powder IED at a suitable time later in the dinner when the unsuspecting target believes he or she is safe. Works a treat! Alternatively drilling a hole in the bottom of the port glass is also worth a go but make sure the dentist isn't doing your teeth the next day!
Hmmmmm

I seem to remember a rather large scale version of this involving a thunderflash and a bucket of flour that involved in one near fatality, structural damage to a rather nice German Mess and a practical demontration of the explosive properties of finely milled airborne solids when ignited...........
 
#19
LostBoss said:
bomblet said:
Here's a good one. Fill party poppers with talcum powder and strap them to the underside of the table with a length of string back to youself, you can then initiate the powder IED at a suitable time later in the dinner when the unsuspecting target believes he or she is safe. Works a treat! Alternatively drilling a hole in the bottom of the port glass is also worth a go but make sure the dentist isn't doing your teeth the next day!
Hmmmmm

I seem to remember a rather large scale version of this involving a thunderflash and a bucket of flour that involved in one near fatality, structural damage to a rather nice German Mess and a practical demontration of the explosive properties of finely milled airborne solids when ignited...........
English German
fluffy= flaumig
fluffy= flockig
fluffy= luftig
fluffy= flauschig
fluffy= fluffig

Well bless my soul, Like the chap wuo has just had Orthopaedic insoles fitted, I stand corrected! I was driving more at the Blackadder Goes Forth quote, obviously, but thanks for the info firestarter; a day without learning is a day wasted and all that.
 
#20
Rather relies on being in an RAF/AAC Mess but try nailing a one man life raft to underside of table near Mr Vice (They're quite slim, he/she probably won't notice). Run string from rip cord under table to pranksters seat. On given signal those sat near Mr Vice lift glasses, rip cord is pulled, liferaft inflates, table falls over. V. funny - just make sure you're not still holding the rip cord when PMC starts looking for a head to put on a spike.

Alternative. Before dinner replce PMC and Mr Vice's gavel/bell with field telephones with D10 connecting them running down the table. I have been subject to this one. Best response is just to continue as usual and telephone Mr Vice at the appropraite moment. Also V.funny and non-damaging!
 

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