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Merry Fucking Christmas

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Ciggie, Dec 10, 2011.

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  1. I'll be going back to spend the xmas week with my ex and the kids in her flat. A condition she has put , which at this time of year, is, in my opinion, fucking stupid is NO ALCOHOL. Well, fair enough, but I have loads of mates in the town who will also be congregating from various parts of the globe, intent upon a damned good razzle session. Sure enough, I want to make the kids happy, and I want to be guaranteed of a dentists' job from the ex ( gargle and swallow), but I want to go out, do some music and get shitefaced with my pals too......how on Earth am I going to make this fit together....tips from the knowledgeable, please.
     
  2. Get some tinsel and strangle yourself with it. You could even jump off the top of the Christmas tree to make doubley sure.
     
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  3. Subtle as always!
     
  4. Christmas is for puffs and hats. I'm on ops all year round, even when in the boozer.
     
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  5. null the pain by dissolving 90 aspirin in a glass of water - salicylic acid will ensure everyone has a very happy xmas -
     
  6. It appears you must be an Ex for good reasons. Take one of your empty pint glasses from a session with you so called mates, smash it on the bar and drive it into your neck. Fally's option is way too humane and I think he's going soft!
     
  7. Borrow a baby, sit on a crowded bus and rant about immigrants coming over here and stealing our jobs (ensure you use lots of profanity). Make sure somebody is recording it for subsequent uploading to the world at large and simply wait for the knock on the door. That way you will ensure a merry Christmas with the opportunity to make lots of new friends in the prison showers and you may even receive one or two surprise presents!
     
  8. "christmas is for puffs and hats!" if i wasnt a gopping hat cunt id use that!
     
  9. Operation sink lips round pint

    hmmmm catchy, is there a osm for

    There was three kings into the east,
    Three kings both great and high,
    And they hae sworn a solemn oath
    John Barleycorn should die.
     
  10. Throw yourself in front of a train, on Christmas Eve, at about 1630 hrs.
     
  11. Delete your account. It'll certainly improve my Christmas.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  12. And this fantasy in which you have:
    1. A former female partner who's primary desire is to supply you with festive blow-jobs
    2. Children to deliver xmas happiness to
    3. Loads of mates traversing the globe especially to be by your side for booze fuelled high jinks
    Does it occur just every now and then or is it a full time wild but unachievable obsession?

    Just wondering.
     
  13. A couple of boxes on liqueur chocolates? Suck on those
     
  14. sirbhp

    sirbhp LE Book Reviewer

    sounds like you have an alcohol problem mate , listen to the ex and if you cant give it up for a few days over chrimbo try rehab .
     
  15. It makes me wonder why she has banned alcohol, does it make you more obnoxious than usual?
     
    • Like Like x 1