Merry Christmas!

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by Lancelot, Dec 18, 2003.

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  1. From: Mess President
    To : All Members of the Mess
    Date : 1 NOV 03
    RE: Mess X'Mass Dinner

    I am happy to inform you that the Mess X'mas Dinner will take place
    on 23 DEC 03, all to be seated by 1800 hrs.
    There will be a cash bar open and plenty of drinks served. We'll
    have a small band playing traditional carols....feel free to sing
    along. And don't be surprised if our CO turns up dressed as Santa
    Claus!
    Merry X'mas to you and your family.

    Mess President.
    ..........................

    From: Mess President
    To: All Mess Members
    Date: 2 NOV 03
    RE: Mess X'mas Dinner

    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
    members. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday for them
    which often coincides with X'Mas, though unfortunately not this year.
    From now on we've decided to call it our "Holiday Dinner" so as to
    not offend anyone. This also applies for other members who are not
    Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
    There will now be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas Carols
    will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
    Happy Now?
    Happy "Holidays" to you and your family.

    Mess President.
    ..............................

    From: Mess President
    To: All Mess Members
    Date: 3 NOV 03
    RE: Holiday Dinner

    Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
    requestiing a non-drinking table.........you didn't sign your name.
    I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a
    table that reads "AA Only" you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am
    I supposed to handle this? Anybody?
    So now, just to keep everyone as happy as possible, we will provide
    a discreet table for our alcoholic members who do not wish to drink.
    Looking forward to a REEEEALY great HOLIDAY dinner!

    Mess President.
    ...............................

    From: Mess President
    To: All Mess Members
    Date: 4 NOV03
    RE: Holiday Dinner

    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that 20 DEC begins the
    Muslim Holy Month of Ramadam, which forbids eating and drink during
    daylight hours.
    If it is still light at 1800 hrs, perhaps the Mess can hold off
    serving the meal until it gets dark. Do you think that would be
    suitable?
    Meanwhile, due to other complaints, i've arranged for members of
    Weight Watchers to sit further from the sweets servery and pregnant
    women will get the table closest to the restrooms.
    We will also have booster seats for all you "short people". Low fat
    food will be available for those fat pigs who are on a diet,
    HOWEVER, (sadly) we cannot control the salt used in the food and we
    suggest those people with high blood pressure perform a
    little "taste test" first or bring extra Beta Blockers. There will
    be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics as the Mess cannot
    supply "No sugar' desserts. So Sorry!
    Did I miss anything this time???? WELL?? DID I??

    Mess President

    ........................

    From: Mess President
    To. All Mess Members
    Date: 5 NOV03
    RE: Holiday Dinner

    Bloody Vegetarians, I've had it with you people!! We're going to
    serve meat at this dinner whether you bloody well like it or not, so
    I'm arranging it so you can sit at a table furtherest from the
    kitchen "Room of Death" (as you so quaintly put it).
    You'll get your bloody salad - Yes, including your bloody pesticide
    free cucumbers and your organic tomatoes! BUT, you know, tomatoes
    have feeling too, They scream when you slice them, they scream in
    the night too. I've heard them scream. I can hear them screaming
    RIGHT NOW!
    I hope all of you people have a ROTTEN HOLIDAY!
    Drive Drunk and get caught, eat shit and die. The bloody lot of
    you!!! GOT IT NOW HAVE YOU???? UNDERSTAND NOW DO YOU????
    HO BLOODY HO!!!! I'm coming dressed to this dinner in fancy dress,
    I'm going to come as a bloody mass murderer with an AK47!!!!

    The President from HELL!!!!!!!!!
    .....................................

    From: Admin Officer
    To: All Mess Members
    Date: 6 NOV 03
    RE: Mess President and Holiday Dinner

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing the Mess President a
    speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your Get Well cards to
    him. In the meantime, the CO has decided to cancel the Holiday
    Dinner and give everyone the afternoon off on 23DEC03 with full pay.

    Admin Officer.
     
  2. Nice one ! ROFLMAO ! :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  3. Lot of civil servants in your unit are there NS?
     
  4. Sorry that should have been addressed to Sandyarrse.
     
  5. i am a little cofused after being in the drinks cabinet all night . is this true or is some one just having a rag- like we have at school sometimes after a double slippering for missing gym

    Pah they all should be put against a wall and shot with real bullets like we used when i was in the cadets, that will show them.
    Them and the French and the americans , i love americans bu tthey all should be shot
     
  6. Constantly. Re-read your comment above (Quote: they all should be put against a wall and shot with real bullets like we used when i was in the cadets. Unquote), they maybe look for the delete key?