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Mental Health

So I weren't too sure as to which forum to post this under so here we are.

This thread is just a bit of my story in the Army and after, basically how my mental health bollocksed my career up,

All of my life I had wanted to join the Army. My Uncle (Doddzy) served a decent career in 4RIFLES (2003-2012) & always had ally stories to tell when he came back from deployment, by all accounts he was a good soldier, I wanted to follow in his footsteps.

I started at ITC in May 2017, by July/August I had battles with my inner demons. I reached out to the medical team and my corporals (who served with my Uncle so were a great help).
I spent a week on the biff chit, speaking to god knows how many people. Having piss tests looking for chemical inbalances, blood tests etc. I was eventually diagnosed (and I believe incorrectly) with - Depression, Anxiety, De-personalisation, Bipolar. I was told i'd be medically downgraded and eventually medically discharged.
This completely shattered everything i'd worked for. By all accounts I was becoming a good soldier and was following my uncles footsteps. I had a meeting with the head of healthcare at ITC who told me 'if I DAOR, he will make sure the diagnosis' are taken off my medical record to ensure it doesn't mess around with any future employment'. I then started the DAOR process following his advice. After many meetings with many different bodies, I was eventually discharged through DAOR in september time.
In December that same year I tried to take my own life, probably a half arsed attempt because i'm still here thankfully, in hindsight it gave me a boot *********** to reach out again.

I was formally diagnosed with Severe Anxiety and Depression by the NHS following this and recently have been having further assessments due to episodes of paranoia and mania.

I now work as a Prison Officer and absolutely love the job, it doesn't come close to the fulfilment I got from my short time in the Army but it's a good job nonetheless.

I have twice been referred for 'veterans' councilling / group meetings etc but I have turned them down as I couldn't sit there with actual veterans such as my uncle who suffers PTSD because of what he had been through. I'd see it as being dis-respectful because by no means am I a veteran, i'm a crowbag at best. My GP and councillors say I suffer with some form of PTSD linked with how my brain developed within the Army and in short I can't switch off. Which is no good when theres not much to tune that energy in to, due to this my mind goes into overdrive, hence the mania and paranoia. It has taken me so long to ever talk about it because I always felt like I had failed, ITC made a big sing and dance about 'talking about mental health', I did, and I feel as though I was punished and pushed out for it. I never once said anything that could put myself or others in danger therefore I've no idea how they came to the conclusion I wasn't fit for duty.

Really I just wanted to tell my experience and see if anyone had been through something similar? I now have a son and have a good career in the Prison Service, I am still battling with my demons, now more than ever in fact, but having my son completely changed my perspective on things as I now have a reason to be here. Sorry to have gone on a bit but i'm on a night shift and haven't got anything better to be doing.
 
So I weren't too sure as to which forum to post this under so here we are.

This thread is just a bit of my story in the Army and after, basically how my mental health bollocksed my career up,

All of my life I had wanted to join the Army. My Uncle (Doddzy) served a decent career in 4RIFLES (2003-2012) & always had ally stories to tell when he came back from deployment, by all accounts he was a good soldier, I wanted to follow in his footsteps.

I started at ITC in May 2017, by July/August I had battles with my inner demons. I reached out to the medical team and my corporals (who served with my Uncle so were a great help).
I spent a week on the biff chit, speaking to god knows how many people. Having piss tests looking for chemical inbalances, blood tests etc. I was eventually diagnosed (and I believe incorrectly) with - Depression, Anxiety, De-personalisation, Bipolar. I was told i'd be medically downgraded and eventually medically discharged.
This completely shattered everything i'd worked for. By all accounts I was becoming a good soldier and was following my uncles footsteps. I had a meeting with the head of healthcare at ITC who told me 'if I DAOR, he will make sure the diagnosis' are taken off my medical record to ensure it doesn't mess around with any future employment'. I then started the DAOR process following his advice. After many meetings with many different bodies, I was eventually discharged through DAOR in september time.
In December that same year I tried to take my own life, probably a half arsed attempt because i'm still here thankfully, in hindsight it gave me a boot *********** to reach out again.

I was formally diagnosed with Severe Anxiety and Depression by the NHS following this and recently have been having further assessments due to episodes of paranoia and mania.

I now work as a Prison Officer and absolutely love the job, it doesn't come close to the fulfilment I got from my short time in the Army but it's a good job nonetheless.

I have twice been referred for 'veterans' councilling / group meetings etc but I have turned them down as I couldn't sit there with actual veterans such as my uncle who suffers PTSD because of what he had been through. I'd see it as being dis-respectful because by no means am I a veteran, i'm a crowbag at best. My GP and councillors say I suffer with some form of PTSD linked with how my brain developed within the Army and in short I can't switch off. Which is no good when theres not much to tune that energy in to, due to this my mind goes into overdrive, hence the mania and paranoia. It has taken me so long to ever talk about it because I always felt like I had failed, ITC made a big sing and dance about 'talking about mental health', I did, and I feel as though I was punished and pushed out for it. I never once said anything that could put myself or others in danger therefore I've no idea how they came to the conclusion I wasn't fit for duty.

Really I just wanted to tell my experience and see if anyone had been through something similar? I now have a son and have a good career in the Prison Service, I am still battling with my demons, now more than ever in fact, but having my son completely changed my perspective on things as I now have a reason to be here. Sorry to have gone on a bit but i'm on a night shift and haven't got anything better to be doing.
Sounds like you have it sorted from a hard road.
Good luck!
 
@undervalued - who is a PO and might be able to advise further.
 

Richie1305

Swinger
I'm getting there, a lot of good blokes have it worse off than me.
We are all affected in different ways mate so your struggle is just as hard as any others pal. Time served means nothing, its what you experienced so you are a veteran same as the rest of us mate. Hope things work out for you mate and keep us posted on your progress. if you need any advice there are a lot of very experienced guys on here so ask away and I'm sure someone here will point you in the right direction.

Good luck with it all pal
 

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