Men: How to Ejaculate like a Laser Beam.

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by TURRETMUPPET, May 29, 2007.

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  1. I was enlightened the other Night......was on the pop down Manchester and was making headway with fit blonde with short hair...very cute indeed.when she was drinking her short i noticed her thumb nail was like a Talon.i mean it was approx 1.5 to 2 inches in lenght. i asked her what the story was and did she use it for gutting fish etc.....normal drink induced conversation and she said she would show me later.......the evening passed and to cut a long story short we ended up in a serious bout of Belly Boxing just as i felt my ejaculation build and my face began contorting she leapt off me grabbed my aching lenght and engaged in some Hand to Gland i arched to release my load she then shouted watch this and pushed her thumb nail into my shaft right on the spermatic cord.....i was going thru orgasm and nothing had let the barrel as even thou i coiuld feel with each heartbeat the pump was pushing away in my sac,then at the critical moment she removed her Talon like nail from my erection and F@*k me my cum shot out in a straight laser like beam hitting my forehead lacing my hair going up the headboard and up the wall i swear it was like a white laser beam had been fired .i felt like buck rogers it was mad never had that must have been building up and up and combined on release...she smiled and licked her thinking of proposing now

    you...sir...obviously have a good grasp of anatomy - hooped. mk
  2. Sounds a lot easier than my technique....

    ......I normally find I have to flick my legs over my head if I want to cover my own face with manfat.
  3. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    I rarely find the desire to cover myself in it, much preferring to donate it to whichever partner I have managed to subdue and bind up.
  4. If she was halfway decent she would of caught that with her open mouth, so Im not impressed :wink:
  5. I don't want my penis to fire like a LAser, hence my testicles not being a device for Amplifying the simulated emission of Radiation.

    If I want to fire straight and hard I close my eyes, think about someone very foxy in heels and expensive undies tuckign into my asshole and pumping fcuk out of my stem.

    I'm happy with being able to chuck from beaver to tit height without installing little radioactive signs to my speedos.
  6. Could`nt prevent Facial as she said to look at it and was`nt expecting to have lot fire out in on continuios beam.btu was fantastic........reminded me of first time i swallowed a mouth full of sea water to be honest.brought back my youth
  7. Bit of research in need to find out what to do.. then get the missus to brace for a full powered injection of my finest baby paste!
  8. I remember shitting like a laser beam for 3 days after a rancid kebab once.

    it was like frozen rope........
  9. once it leaves me I dont care where it goes

    what she does with it is her concern

    all i want to do is fart and kip
  10. Be careful of blowback, or 'cumback', it can inflate your nads and even cause rupturing/explosions. Honest. would I lie to you?

    PS the Welsh version is 'cum-by' and can often be heard being shouted by shepherds at their dogs.
  11. Exactly, had to let my woman no, last night, once I give it to her I do not want it back. Bloody woman climbed off me and dropped a load on my chest. Still I had my revenge. Used her sock to clean up with. Laughed like fook this morning when she moaned about having damp socks to put on.
  12. f**kin hell turretmuppet, was this while you were waiting to be asked to a lesbian 3some?

    Methinks we have a (sexed up) walter mitty on our hands lol!!!!
  13. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Quite right too. It's the process of getting rid of it that does it for me. After it's left, I couldn't care less. I'm only concerned about whether I'm going to hurt myself on the way down into my deep slumber.
  14. Looks like Chimpy is back then!!
  15. i do get around and involved in some mad sexual scenarios.i do act as and talk as a Sex God but that is to disguise my weaknesses.....want my bi mates email