So based on what I've learned on this site, you spent your hours wanking in Sanger's? abusing the local populace then big timing it to birds when you went on leave?
Not the British Army's finest hour was it..
I suspect you have , I am having a near death experience with the tedium you induce.
You really need to up your game if you want to wind people up.
Here's a tip. They need to remain awake to be wound up. Remember that and you may have more success