Memorable stuff from your formative years

Yeah. I agree.

I go to a Turkish barber in Bordon. Decent haircut. Ears trimmed. Neck done with a new razor blade dipped in disinfectant. Nose trimmed. Rampant eyebrows trimmed. Big cotton bud dipped in meths and set alight to finish off your lugholes (rank smell). Hot towels. £12. Not bad for dahn sarf.

I know he is desperate to trim my beard but I always do it first with a 0.5mm cut.

I don't want Johnny Turk anywhere near my neck with a cutthroat razor, shouting "This is for Gallipoli Johnny English" and going all stabby and slashy.
Aaah, yes ... as Antipodean Youth learned at their GrandFather’s side ...

The Man from Ironbark [A.B. Patterson]

It was the man from Ironbark who struck the Sydney town,
He wandered over street and park, he wandered up and down.
He loitered here, he loitered there, till he was like to drop,
Until at last in sheer despair he sought a barber's shop.
''Ere! shave my beard and whiskers off, I'll be a man of mark,
I'll go and do the Sydney toff up home in Ironbark.'

The barber man was small and flash, as barbers mostly are,
He wore a strike-your-fancy sash, he smoked a huge cigar:
He was a humorist of note and keen at repartee,
He laid the odds and kept a 'tote', whatever that may be,
And when he saw our friend arrive, he whispered 'Here's a lark!
Just watch me catch him all alive, this man from Ironbark.'

There were some gilded youths that sat along the barber's wall,
Their eyes were dull, their heads were flat, they had no brains at all;
To them the barber passed the wink, his dexter eyelid shut,
'I'll make this bloomin' yokel think his bloomin' throat is cut.'
And as he soaped and rubbed it in he made a rude remark:
'I s'pose the flats is pretty green up there in Ironbark.'

A grunt was all reply he got; he shaved the bushman's chin,
Then made the water boiling hot and dipped the razor in.
He raised his hand, his brow grew black, he paused awhile to gloat,
Then slashed the red-hot razor-back across his victim's throat;
Upon the newly shaven skin it made a livid mark—
No doubt it fairly took him in—the man from Ironbark.

He fetched a wild up-country yell might wake the dead to hear,
And though his throat, he knew full well, was cut from ear to ear,
He struggled gamely to his feet, and faced the murd'rous foe:
'You've done for me! you dog, I'm beat! one hit before I go!
I only wish I had a knife, you blessed murdering shark!
But you'll remember all your life, the man from Ironbark.'

He lifted up his hairy paw, with one tremendous clout
He landed on the barber's jaw, and knocked the barber out.
He set to work with tooth and nail, he made the place a wreck;
He grabbed the nearest gilded youth, and tried to break his neck.
And all the while his throat he held to save his vital spark,
And 'Murder! Bloody Murder!' yelled the man from Ironbark.

A peeler man who heard the din came in to see the show;
He tried to run the bushman in, but he refused to go.
And when at last the barber spoke, and said, ''Twas all in fun—
'Twas just a little harmless joke, a trifle overdone.'
'A joke!' he cried, 'By George, that's fine; a lively sort of lark;
I'd like to catch that murdering swine some night in Ironbark.'

And now while round the shearing floor the list'ning shearers gape,
He tells the story o'er and o'er, and brags of his escape.
'Them barber chaps what keeps a tote, By George, I've had enough,
One tried to cut my bloomin' throat, but thank the Lord it's tough.'
And whether he's believed or no, there's one thing to remark,
That flowing beards are all the go way up in Ironbark.
 
From Wiki:
'Beyond Our Ken featured characters similar to those later featured in Round the Horne, for instance Betty Marsden's Fanny Haddock (which parodied Fanny Cradock). It featured Pertwee's Frankie Howerd impersonation, Hankie Flowered, and Hugh Paddick's working-class pop singer Ricky Livid – the name being a mickey-take on contemporary pop singers' stage names such as Tommy Steele and Marty Wilde. Another favourite was Kenneth Williams' country character, Arthur Fallowfield, who was based on Dorset farmer Ralph Wightman, a regular contributor to the BBC radio programme Any Questions? Fallowfield's lines were full of innuendo and double entendre – on one occasion Horne introduced him as the man who put the sex in Sussex. Fallowfield's reply to any question began: "Well, I think the answer lies in the soil."

Williams and Paddick also played two camp men-about-town, Rodney and Charles, in many ways (although not as extreme) precursors of Julian and Sandy in Round The Horne.'



There was a compilation of Michael Parkinson's interviews with Peter Ustinov which was hilarious. His life was interesting to say the least and he served in the Army in WW2 as well... this makes a very interesting read Pte 6411623 Peter Ustinov - Royal Sussex

 

Choux Bun

Old-Salt
During the early 80's in Oman, a trip into the Muttrah Souk could often pay dividends. Stop off at the money changers stall, give him 500 Baizas (about 50p) and take 5 coins from the assorted coin box, very lucrative especially when you selected several 50p, DM5,- or DM2,- coins in exchange.
 
I can recall on a school trip to Germany some of us getting a rather stern warning from the polizei in front of teacher, apparently using 5p pieces in vending machines was frowned upon

not by us obviously who were cleaning the vending machines out of beer and chocolate and saving a fortune.

I missed the capture and lecture as I was elsewhere at the time with a stash of 5ps, and a rapidly emptying vending machine
Bloody well done old chap! Makes you proud to be British!
 
There was a compilation of Michael Parkinson's interviews with Peter Ustinov which was hilarious. His life was interesting to say the least and he served in the Army in WW2 as well... this makes a very interesting read Pte 6411623 Peter Ustinov - Royal Sussex

Was he not batman to David Niven? I seem to recall the two of them discussing it at some point but I can't be bothered to google it.

Addendum, did a quikc search and yes he was
 
Was he not batman to David Niven? I seem to recall the two of them discussing it at some point but I can't be bothered to google it.

Addendum, did a quikc search and yes he was
If Ustinov was R Sussex, and Niven was something else - Recce Corps was on his wartime CV - I'm intrigued to know how that came about.

I wouldn't doubt it if I heard both tell the same tale, but Niven (whilst a great raconteur, and hugely funny) was not always careful with the facts, bless him.
 

Chef

LE
Was he not batman to David Niven? I seem to recall the two of them discussing it at some point but I can't be bothered to google it.

Addendum, did a quikc search and yes he was
They also appeared in 'The way ahead' a wartime film of training and beyond in the army. Which was an expanded version of 'The new lot' which has been shown a few times on Talking Pictures freeview channel 81.
 
During the early 80's in Oman, a trip into the Muttrah Souk could often pay dividends. Stop off at the money changers stall, give him 500 Baizas (about 50p) and take 5 coins from the assorted coin box, very lucrative especially when you selected several 50p, DM5,- or DM2,- coins in exchange.

Bloody hell, the things that take you back.

The souk in Muttrah - many years ago I spent sh!tloads of cash there bringing back gaudy gold and other presents and other tat for relatives. I'll never forget the distinctive smell of the spices and rancid market traders who clearly hadn't seen a shower or a bath in months.

Thanks for that CB, a great memory!!!
 
If Ustinov was R Sussex, and Niven was something else - Recce Corps was on his wartime CV - I'm intrigued to know how that came about.

I wouldn't doubt it if I heard both tell the same tale, but Niven (whilst a great raconteur, and hugely funny) was not always careful with the facts, bless him.
I think it was the period they were working on the film, so regardless of their parent units if they were both detached to the same duty it would have been plausible
 
I think it was the period they were working on the film, so regardless of their parent units if they were both detached to the same duty it would have been plausible

Just did a quick search of Niven's two memoirs. He mentions Ustinov (as writer) and batman a few times in The Moon's A Balloon but never in connection with each other. His batman seems to have been called McEwan.

Possibly a post war "embellishment" of a good dit.
 

BratMedic

LE
Book Reviewer
When I was in training (Junior Bleeders) the unwritten rule was that once the room floor had been polished and bumpered, it wasn't to be walked on, you had to glide down the centre of the room on a bit of US blanket - floor wasn't scratched and remained shiny for the daily morning inspection.
The 'centre' of the room (in my case, a wooden spider at Queen Elizabeth barracks, Church Crookham) was called the 'End'.Every one out of the room, last bloke bumperclothed his way out backwards.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
Wandering in the loft today trying to work out what to throw out of things I might miss later when I came across my first crash helmet.

skid lid.jpg


It was second hand but bought and worn long before we were told we had to.
Since then I have had two full helmets which also abide somewhere up there.
 

Chef

LE
Wandering in the loft today trying to work out what to throw out of things I might miss later when I came across my first crash helmet.

View attachment 566879

It was second hand but bought and worn long before we were told we had to.
Since then I have had two full helmets which also abide somewhere up there.

Our neighbour's wife used to tool around on a Raleigh motorised bicycle with one similar to this:
A VINTAGE 1950'S AVIA KIT WHITE LEATHER MOTORCYCLE HELMET WI...
 
Wandering in the loft today trying to work out what to throw out of things I might miss later when I came across my first crash helmet.

View attachment 566879

It was second hand but bought and worn long before we were told we had to.
Since then I have had two full helmets which also abide somewhere up there.
There is my old bell jet somewhere in an attic at my brothers farm.
The last time I handled it must be 30 years ago and even then I was struck by it’s incredible weight in comparison to then modern full face lids.
 
Our neighbour's wife used to tool around on a Raleigh motorised bicycle with one similar to this:
A VINTAGE 1950'S AVIA KIT WHITE LEATHER MOTORCYCLE HELMET WI...'S AVIA KIT WHITE LEATHER MOTORCYCLE HELMET WI...
I think I had one a bit like that that came with my Maicoletta, I got a decent 3/4 helmet after the first time I rode it.
 

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