Meet my new wife.

#2
I'd have to strangle her for that God-awful accent.
 
#6
Someone did say we need a "Preppers/Survivalists You Would".

Something about Survival Lilly does it for me. Might be the Austrian accent. Or the Librarian in a Porn Film glasses

 
#13
Went away on a job, one of the regulars said don't worry we'll find you a woman.

I was horrified

"I've already got one, why on earth would I want another"
Been in that situation myself. All I'll say is FFS check for an Adam's apple. And watch The Crying Game if you haven't seen it already. Oh, and you're not gay if you're, err giving rather than receiving. And when you get back don't try to tell your wife that there's no biological difference between the inside of a man's mouth and the inside of a woman's mouth, not if you ever want a cooked dinner again. And dogs have no understanding of contempt, no matter how he looks at you. And civil wedding licences aren't valid in the UK if they're written entirely in Thai, no matter how pi$$ed you were when you signed it. And if he, err I mean she turns up on your doorstep in Plymouth with the entire extended family, just call the Immigration Enforcement Hotline (in confidence). And the fekkin' neighbours can mind their own business. And look on the bright side, an@l warts might be curable some day and you can tell the wife they're piles.

That's all I have to say.
 

Auld-Yin

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#16
#19
Been in that situation myself. All I'll say is FFS check for an Adam's apple. And watch The Crying Game if you haven't seen it already. Oh, and you're not gay if you're, err giving rather than receiving. And when you get back don't try to tell your wife that there's no biological difference between the inside of a man's mouth and the inside of a woman's mouth, not if you ever want a cooked dinner again. And dogs have no understanding of contempt, no matter how he looks at you. And civil wedding licences aren't valid in the UK if they're written entirely in Thai, no matter how pi$$ed you were when you signed it. And if he, err I mean she turns up on your doorstep in Plymouth with the entire extended family, just call the Immigration Enforcement Hotline (in confidence). And the fekkin' neighbours can mind their own business. And look on the bright side, an@l warts might be curable some day and you can tell the wife they're piles.

That's all I have to say.
Brilliant! I really enjoyed this story, remember if youre quietly making an escape and as you get out of bed and slip into the shoes by the side of the bed, then realise she wears the same size as yourself..........
 

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