Medical Products useful for squaddies

Time for a good tale to bring in the weekend me thinks. Tell us or forever be cursed with one finger type syndrome. :)

hmmmmm good tale for the weekend hmmmmmmmmmm......poo stories poo stories hmmmmmm....lemme think oh!

Out on a ward with the facilitator/matron from hell (i think thats where they breed them to be honest) in a medical ward placement to "learn some real life nursing you slack little c****". I kid you not they were her first words to us. She rode my botty like i had a permanent ky tube inserted and was no less hideous to the others. There was not a moment she was not breathing down our necks (oral hygiene or even regular showering were not strong points with her either) finding fault with everything we did and if we did it correctly trashing it and making us do it again etc etc. So we spent the time trying to ignore that and have a grand old time with the patients vomiting and bleeding and throwing food (did i mention it was a dementia ward dumping ground as well?)

aaaaaaanyways this fairly normal old duck is trundled in and within hours starts to have the most vile smelling and copious squits attack i have ever seen. If you rolled her in bed you were in danger of getting a lovely parting gift of a squirt right down your front. The quacks gave her everything they could to bung her up and then they had to move her to another bed. Well! After several bedpans and commodes and sheet changes full of poop we got her on her feet to be able to move her to the other bed. In walks Atila the Hen and starts gobbing off at us for being slow and why hadn't we moved her an hour ago. I (stupidly) attempted to explain. She cut me off saying "in my day we didnt talk back to superiors and we didnt waste time like you you little F******". The old dear said "i don't feel well". I knew what that meant and went to get the commode. Atila fair brushed me aside saying in one of those OTT ward voices "NOW NOW DEARY YOU WILL BE OK I'LL PUT YOU IN THE BED". The old dear said "I can't". Atila "YES YOU WILL". Old dear then proceeds to open her bowels not only on herself but all down Atila and over the floor. Laugh I almost swamped myself trying to hold in the laughter. The poo flowed for a good minute with Atila's jaw down near her saggy boobs and then the smell hit her. My god it was pungent, brought a tear to your eye and breakfast to the back of your throat, it went everywhere. The patient in the bed opposite starting vomiting. Atila's stomach lurched and she bolted out the door to the pan room. Did not make it though. Atila then came back to give us a bollocking and make us clean up.

Worth it though to see her in such a state. :twisted:

Then of course we found out the squits attack was contagious......

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