Medical Mares


your hand bone's connected to your willy bone......


Everyone everywhere has been to the med centre (maybe mine), but if anyone has any memorable stories, let us know.....


Oh the heres 2 brufen report sick in the morning cure all type thing???


I was doing a med cover at one of our many DZ's and a geezer landed and shouted MEDIC.  When a colleague of mine ran over to him, he realised he was the OC of the Med Sqn (Doctor). Noticing he had an obvious broken leg, he produced the Morphine Autojet and whacked it in his leg. 5 or so minutes passed when the young medic asked 'is it any better?'  To which the reply was: ' No but my map case can't feel a thig!!'

True - i was there


sorry - THING
i once trasferred a patient from the GMC at detmold to BMH rintlen, to get a female body spray can removed from his ass.
he had spent the weekend with a lady of the night, and things got a bit saucy in the bedroom. He claimed in the GMC that he only felt a slight twinge around his anus (AS ******* IF) and it was alright afterwards.
On his admission to hospital he had to be given a GA to get this thing out. It turned out to be an IMPULSE body spray can. SOME ******* TWINGE :eek:)
A Cracker from one of my duties

A rockape gets hit in the leg whilst playing football and he goes to his local med centre.
There he is examined by the Med Cen Manager a SGT and he gives him 2 aspirin and fobs him off.

3 hours later and in agony, this rockape reports to the Med cen again and sees a different medic whos now on duty.

The medic is very concerned as the poor fellow is all grey & sweaty, and his leg is the size of a WRACS ass.

Gets Px by us and the poor bugger is told he has a broken leg. Shite loads of Analgesia and drugs l8r he feels a bit better and is on his way to hosp. (flying).

That Med Sgt is a chinook ( a Big CHOPPER)
(i hope u read this. u know who u are)


I await the boring dolcic tones of the horrible little man this space

New Q

Orrible little man here ? seen more patients then youve seen hot dinners. Sadly not seen any mares because everyone I work with is so professional (except QA's)

New Q

QARANC horrible people bit like the BORG grey mafia next strongest force after the Masons oops cant say thet word not in our Corps or you might get rapid promotion ????????
I thought we were meant to be having a laugh and whinging in General.

please dont turn this into an "im a better Medic than U" discussion.

Coz SKYGOD knows for a FACT that I'm a better medic than all of you. 8)

so ner ner nana ner :p
How about the CMT (sorry MA in those days) who whilst in Cyprus gave Algipan to some one for sun burn because it says on the box that it gives 'Heat relief'.
Apparently its true but then again apparently so's the one about 5 different lots of harry Monk in the Chicken Korma.



I would love to know more about the bust leg thing. Is there any chance of heaving a few details my way?

It does go to show 1 thing though: RAF Regt hard as nails to crack on with a broken leg OR too dim to have noticed!!

Per Ardua
Basic night hostage rescue scenario ( no NVG)

Hostage" I've been shot!"
A11: "Get the medic!!"
Hostage:" I am the medic!!!"

True story: you both know who you are :wink:
I was a medic on a RAF station with a USMC det. Called to the USMC block one night to find the victim of one of their endless internal feuds - with a full Coke bottle (top on) stuck up his arrse. It required a GA and surgical removal. :oops:

In Germany some years ago I remember an RTA attended by a civvy (dependant) nurse in an ambulance from the local MRS. She examined the driver, decided he was dead and left the scene. The German notarzt arrived straight after, found the driver's pulse, extricated him and he survived.