Mediacal Advice...me ricker is giving me some serious gip...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by dazk55, Jan 30, 2007.

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  1. dazk55

    dazk55 Old-Salt

    could be an age thing (nearly 42) or maybe the fact that I am driving a desk more than I've ever had to do in the past but......

    Why have I always got an itchy ricker ???

    Morning, get up, itchy ricker................... throughout the day at work, try to walk it off without anyone noticing (fcuking pointless I think !) and then sat watching the TV...itchy ricker. Sometimes get a bit of blood on the old comfy bum, but I put that down to spicy food and Kronenbourg extra cold..........................

    And NO, before anyone suggests it, I dont get, nor do I seek nor want any stench trench action.

    Is it the start of the Dukes....................?

    Help anyone, please.
     
  2. Stop getting shagged up the hoop!!
     
  3. milsum

    milsum Crow

    I think you're well on your way to a colostomy bag there fella. It's either that or piles. Get a nice young lass to rub some cream on it. Failing that learn to wipe your bum properly. A dirty ring is an itchy ring.
     
  4. Cancer.



    Goodbye. Let me know if there's an afterlife.
     
  5. Lee_B

    Lee_B Clanker

    get down to quacks and prepare for some fingering, hope your doc ain't got fat fingers like mine did, ouch :neutral:
     
  6. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Toroidal Prolapse.

    Bend over in front of mirror. If your poopit looks like a large brown doughnut and is three to four inches lower than it normally is, somebody has used the old one, two, rohipnol on you. Probably your best mate.
     
  7. CC_TA

    CC_TA LE

    :twisted: Moody - you is a wrongen! :)

    CC_TA
     
  8. nurse_ratched

    nurse_ratched Old-Salt

    Yep - threadworms or nobbies
     
  9. Stained_Eligius

    Stained_Eligius War Hero

    I'm not a proctologist by any means but I reckon it has something to do with losing the ability to crimp as well as we did in our youth. Inefficient crimping leaves the tired sphincter feebly holding onto a dob of dung which it would have laughed at 10 years ago. This dob then slowly turns into fine chocolate through cheek-action whilst walking etc.

    I contend that it is this which is causing your current problem. I would up the wipe-rate.
     
  10. milsum

    milsum Crow

    Can you get warts on your anus?
    I think it's that.
     
  11. Lee_B

    Lee_B Clanker

    chronic anal fissure (tear) is what I had caused by a gigantic mud monster passing through my anus :thumright:
     
  12. Exactly the same symptoms i had before being diagnosed with piles. Get used to inserting your own butt plugs - anusol suppositories! Good luck.
     
  13. Had something similar a while back. Went to the docs, fcuking gorgeous young thing with lovely long slender fingers (named Doctor Tom Fletcher, only joking). Anyways, she asks me to do the feotal position on the bed and proceeds to do me up the gary glitter. Fcuk me, nearly shot my muck there and then!

    Outcome, internal piles, a Fissure (which then turned to a fistula, a whole different story for another time).
     
  14. most likely worms though