Med Advice required,,,urgently

#1
Could anybody on ARRSE please give me some urgent advice,,The problem concerns a 'friend' of mine who has a serious medical problem,this 'little' problem also extends into the marital happiness of my 'friend'.
This terrible problem which is playing havoc with his well being has plagued my 'friend' for a number of years now,unfortunately my 'friend' and his wife have now reached the end of their tether and so my friends I turn to yourselves for the answer.My 'friend has visited his GP on several occasions in order to resolve his ongoing problem,however only on one occasion did he receive any form of support in the form of these little blue diamond shaped pills.Thinking that these little blue pills would solve his 'little' problem he immediately swallowed the lot (4) in one go.For a prolonged period lasting some 2 1/2 days his problem seemed to have gone away,,,,however another 'little' problem arose inasmuch as my 'friends' wife started to complain with regards to sore and aching parts of her anatomy so my 'friend' had to desist from this so called cure for his 'little' problem.Therefore can anybody please help my 'friend' in finding an alternative answer to his 'little problem.

Vial Stats......

Age.....Old
Smokes...A lot
Drinks...12 units per day
Weight...Fat
Fitness....Mmmmmm.
 
#2
1. Constant frenzied masturbation
2. Sheep
3. Small children
4. Corpses
4. ask Zero_Over if you can borrow 'Maddie'
 
#3
Without reading the post my first suggestion is cutting your cock off.
 
#4
Does he realise depression is a side effect of those little blue sweets? That sounds like the cause.

I can just picture an old bloke severely depressed with a major hard on.


Give him another Haribo.
 
#6
Does he realise depression is a side effect of those little blue sweets? That sounds like the cause.

I can just picture an old bloke severely depressed with a major hard on.


Give him another Haribo.
Who's been on the Bupivacaine?
 
#7
Without reading the post my first suggestion is cutting your cock off.
Thank you Doctor I shall pass your advice on to my 'friend',,If you will just give me your addy and 'he' will call on you to thank you personally...........
 
#8
Try buying a convertible car, some Werthers Originals, and go cruising at approx 1530hrs everyday.
 
#10
I'll be busy doing his wife I'm afraid, as he is incapable of doing so.
 
#14
Cutting your penis off is a bit drastic, tbh. You'll find that the entire organ stump withdraws into the scrotum and it's a bugger to find when you need a slash in a hurry. Bad news when you're halfway through a Harvester 'combo to share' and a testicle suddenly swells up.
 
#15
Vial Stats......
Vial Stats......


Age.....Old
Smokes...A lot
Drinks...12 units per day
Weight...Fat
Fitness....Mmmmmm.

Doctor Brown would like to reassure you that your 'little problems' are not worth worrying about. The likely prognosis (based on the above info) is that you will shortly die of natural causes.

I hope this answer was helpful to you.
 
#16
It always hurts a little the first time. Real men take it without the anaesthetic.
Especially if they're both Australian and in need of a psychiatrist.
 
#18
Tell your 'mate' cut down on the fags and booze, get on the fucking treadmill the fat idle bastard, which'll help on the stamina front. And if 'his' missus is starting to get sore 'down there', tell her to get bent cos you're, sorry he, is gonna kick her back doors in, the malingering bitch
 
#19
I tell you, they moan when they don't get any, but woe betide any one who freight trains them. Whingeing bitches
 

mercurydancer

LE
Book Reviewer
#20
I assume that you have tried the usual things of running up and down stairs, listening to George Michael and Elton John music?

Cutting he affected member off is not the solution. You must get a small copper funnel and pour chlorine (ordinary household thick bleach will do) down the japs's eye. You must protect your testes from this chemical intrusion so putting a large rubber band around them will protect them amply. You will know if they are adequately protected if the testes and scrotum goes black and starts to rot.

If you wanna know the real stuff, ask a medic.
 

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