Meat Pie Thai!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mugatu, Sep 7, 2012.

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  1. Bored, I booked and fucked an escort last night! Trawling the local grot sites I found what I was looking for, a busty chink with fat nips! I called the number,


    Mug: "Hello, ***?"

    "Yes dawing!"

    Mug: "Are the pics. actually of you?"

    "Yes dawing!"

    Mug: "Spot on! 8.30?"

    "Yes dawing, I tess roo I arress!"

    10mg of Cialis and a few pints later I buzz her flat, when I'm eventually let in I knock on her door and eagerly await the tits within! Alas, when it opens I am confronted, not by the busty, oriental, goddess who I'd been fantasising about with a lob on whilst watching the Paralympic women's shot-putters; but a short, grimy, wiry, Thai, weasel whom I can only compare to a post-fight Willie Pep, with a pair of old, brown, leather sparing mitts dangling where those bountiful Chinese DD's should have been! Now I should of had the neck to fuck her off right there and save myself some cash but beer being what it is I went in and let it maul my cowering manhood for an hour or so! Out of malice I should of spaffed in her eyes for the fucking lies she told to get this sad cunt into her clutches but for the life of me I couldn't fire one off! Not out of sympathy for her tragic predicament but because she fucking honked like a meat and potato pie! Now I love pie like the next Yorkshireman but there is a time and a place for them and it is never when your buried nose deep in a £100 per hr. cunt!

    Bafflingly, on this Island of plentiful toiletries and abundant showers, she is not the first woman I have been with who stank like a rancid pukka pie! I have had a butchers on Google for this vile and baffling condition but found nothing; the only viable conclusion I can draw is that these creatures are just pie gobbling, sweaty, slags with the personal hygiene of a shit fly!

    The very worst (excluding the banal piss, shit blood and vomit) clunge diving experience I've had was finding a residue so thick and tacky it was like chewing a toffee made of fish oil, but even that didn't put me off my stroke but this pie thing had done me in, I can take it no more!

    So this morning, hung-over and beleaguered by self loathing, I took the webley and my dog into the woods and wept, intent on my own demise! Unfortunately I did not have the wherewithal to do it so here I am, back on arrse and sharing my shame with you fine and deviant gentlemen, hoping to hear of similar and, I'm certain, far more perverse and disgusting acts of sad depravity that will make the events of last night nought but a distant memory!

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  2. I bet her tit wanks are like smashing two rubber water bottles on you knob!

  3. My favourite part was at the end, when he stopped typing.
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  4. I thought I was off the brasses but after 3 nights in the Lancaster I was climbing the walls, got one to come to my hotel last week, got her card from a phone box on Edgeware Road, no hassle, no dramas and we had a good hour and a bit of a giggle to be honest, She obviously wasnt the bird on the card but she was a pretty little thing with an ace arse, 200 sovs though so it might sting a bit if your in London just on the lash!
  5. This is reading like the opening chapter of an ARRSE mills and boon novel.
  6. Albert_Turner, who is the bird in your signature? PLEASE tell me she does porn (or that she's your daughter/neice/grand daughter
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  7. Schaden

    Schaden LE Book Reviewer

    We should have a thread - Thai Bar Girls!!
  8. or Fifty Shades of Grot.
  9. She does indeed.

    Her name is Patricia and you can see her clout here:

    Patricia » Hegre « Free Nude Pictures @ Bravo Erotica

  10. first 59 encounter with thai bargirls

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  11. I thought phone box carding was illegal. Silly me! The Met's too busy on more important crimes and violations. I can remember when stepping into a phone box it wasn't possible to see any part of the street or pavement for the forest of cards held in place with Blue Tac and local merchants were complaining about sweeping them into the gutter for the council to dispose of.
  12. I used to nick the cards out of the phone boxes in Kings Cross and put em on my pit space. I have never needed to buy blu tac either. Some ppl here really need to get out a bit more often... me included.