Me again

#1
Guys, my ptsd is playing up again. Not doing too well here really. Last night nearly got arrested in the pub, only had a couple of pints, seriously, two pints, because I got so angry with someone, I didn't even know them, they just wound me up, kept saying really loudly 'I'm in the SAS' that sort of shit and I lost my temper with him. Fortunately someone else I know there stopped me from doing any serious damage. 8O

I have anger issues at the best of times and I rarely go out any more in case it boils over. Last night was an exception, I hadn't left the house for days and so went to my local just to see a few other people. Stupid idea, I should've stayed at home.

I've had the last week of no sleep, flashbacks and nightmares. Don't dare go and see my kids this weekend because I'm not in any fit state.

No right to ask really, I don't contribute much here other than to complain about my ptsd on occasions, but I could really do with some support here.

Thanks.
 
#3
Thanks Bugly. If the other person hadn't have been there, I don't know what would have happened, I really don't.

It's one thing drinking at home where you can't do any damage to anyone else but last night was something else. I should stop drinking of course but I'm not sure what the alternative is?
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
#4
mephisto said:
Thanks Bugly. If the other person hadn't have been there, I don't know what would have happened, I really don't.

It's one thing drinking at home where you can't do any damage to anyone else but last night was something else. I should stop drinking of course but I'm not sure what the alternative is?
Apologies for a civvy-response but is there any chance that (if UK based) you could go to your GP and ask to be referred to a counsellor? It might sound a bit 'softie, touchie, feelie' but there are some good ones out there, available on the NHS, and just having someone to talk to about your experience and the effect it's having on you might help. They can't stop the feelings, but they can help you to deal with them.

Failing that, there is Combat Stress, and also the Samaritans - they aren't just there for when things get to the end of the line.

Good luck.
 
#5
Alright mate, sory to hear your feeling so down.
Have you tried going to a happier place (sound toss I know) with your kids.
See them this weekend, but take them somewhere nice and well happy. Somewhere where you wont come across people that could potentially wind you up and the pop is not involved.
You could try the zoo/sea life centre or any sort of place like that.Somewhere where you can wind down, relax and still enjoy your kids company.
If im spouting balls im sorry.
Chin up mate, all the best.
 
#6
Grownup_Rafbrat said:
Apologies for a civvy-response but is there any chance that (if UK based) you could go to your GP and ask to be referred to a counsellor? It might sound a bit 'softie, touchie, feelie' but there are some good ones out there, available on the NHS, and just having someone to talk to about your experience and the effect it's having on you might help. They can't stop the feelings, but they can help you to deal with them.

Failing that, there is Combat Stress, and also the Samaritans - they aren't just there for when things get to the end of the line.

Good luck.
Don't apologise, nice of you to reply. Combat Stress, I've already done them (into the ground if truth be told), the Samaritans have proved to be useless. GP has referred me to local PTSD clinic, they have no experience in military-related complex-ptsd.
 

Bugly

War Hero
#7
mephisto said:
I should stop drinking of course but I'm not sure what the alternative is?
No easy answer to that, I'm afraid.

You're not on your own and help is out there, when you're ready seek it out.
 
#8
suits_U said:
Alright mate, sory to hear your feeling so down.
Have you tried going to a happier place (sound toss I know) with your kids.
See them this weekend, but take them somewhere nice and well happy. Somewhere where you wont come across people that could potentially wind you up and the pop is not involved.
You could try the zoo/sea life centre or any sort of place like that.Somewhere where you can wind down, relax and still enjoy your kids company.
If im spouting balls im sorry.
Chin up mate, all the best.
No, you're not spouting balls but I probably am. I wouldn't risk taking them out right now, drinking too much and way too labile. I don't want them to see me like this, and I don't want to put them at any risk.

I'm such an idiot, I know other people who have the same illness and they get over it. I've managed to keep a relatively good relationship with my ex-partner and I don't want to cock that up by messing up with the kids.
 

Bugly

War Hero
#9
mephisto said:
Don't apologise, nice of you to reply. Combat Stress, I've already done them (into the ground if truth be told), the Samaritans have proved to be useless. GP has referred me to local PTSD clinic, they have no experience in military-related complex-ptsd.
OK mate, you've got the T shirt as well I guess :D

Is there a local MIND ? not usually going to be up to speed on Mil PTSD but I found sitting with the other fruitcakes could be OK, just a thought.
 
#10
No tee-shirt, just a great big depression about it all. People often think there are simple answers but, truth be told, there aren't any. :( Not that I've found anyway.
 
#11
mephisto said:
I'm such an idiot, I know other people who have the same illness and they get over it. I've managed to keep a relatively good relationship with my ex-partner and I don't want to c*** that up by messing up with the kids.
You're not an idiot, most of us just learn to cope a bit better, some of the time. You've got your head screwed on your above post shows that.
 
#12
Mephisto

Perhaps you could ask your GP to refer you to a psychologist for psychodynamic therapy? In essence the psychologist asks an open question and then listens. I was rather dubious when she was staring at me like a stuffed owl but it worked.

Good luck
 
#13
mephisto said:
No tee-shirt, just a great big depression about it all. People often think there are simple answers but, truth be told, there aren't any. :( Not that I've found anyway.
No simple answers. Can be a long hard slog. Not what you want to hear but it's the truth. You can make things better, in time.
 
#14
Youd be surprised what your kids can inspire you to do mate.
If you dont want them to see you the way you are, then do something about it, before its too late.
Obviously its easier said than done but with the right mindset im sure you could do it.
Try and cut the drink mate, otherwise that may be another problem on top of your PTSD.
Try and keep occupied, go somewhere nice and peaceful but enough to keep your mind occupied, you could always go on your own, or with a good friend.
Sounds bone but try museums or even the Sea Life centre again (if one is close). Ive heard somewhere that aquariums are actually very theraputic.
Basically Id advise you to do whatever it takes to stop yourself falling down that spiral your pivoting on the edge of mate.
Good luck.
What area are you in? Maybe someone on here knows better and might be local to you.
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
#15
mephisto said:
Don't apologise, nice of you to reply. Combat Stress, I've already done them (into the ground if truth be told), the Samaritans have proved to be useless. GP has referred me to local PTSD clinic, they have no experience in military-related complex-ptsd.
As I've got older, I've got bolshier. A relative of mine needed help, and the first referral by the GP to refer him led down a dead end. I went back to the GP, and insisted, politely but firmly, that there must be experts somewhere in the county to whom the person could be referred.

At the second attempt we found a psychiatrist who was able to work with the relative and help them.

It's corny, but if at first you don't succeed ..... try another way around! There must be NHS psychiatrists / psychologists to whom you can be referred, and who will accept that ex-service people need to go to the top of any waiting lists.
 
#16
Grownup_Rafbrat said:
mephisto said:
Don't apologise, nice of you to reply. Combat Stress, I've already done them (into the ground if truth be told), the Samaritans have proved to be useless. GP has referred me to local PTSD clinic, they have no experience in military-related complex-ptsd.
As I've got older, I've got bolshier. A relative of mine needed help, and the first referral by the GP to refer him led down a dead end. I went back to the GP, and insisted, politely but firmly, that there must be experts somewhere in the county to whom the person could be referred.

At the second attempt we found a psychiatrist who was able to work with the relative and help them.

It's corny, but if at first you don't succeed ..... try another way around! There must be NHS psychiatrists / psychologists to whom you can be referred, and who will accept that ex-service people need to go to the top of any waiting lists.
I've been dealing with this for YEARS, had every referral going. Nothing has ever helped. Been ok for a few months, then back to square one again. I've accepted any help I've ever been offered. Nothing has worked. So I guess it's down to me. I think that's the conclusion I came to last time I posted here too.

:(
 
#17
mephisto said:
I'm such an idiot, I know other people who have the same illness and they get over it. I've managed to keep a relatively good relationship with my ex-partner and I don't want to c*** that up by messing up with the kids.
Sounds like your not such an idiot mate, you keep the real things secure and solid in your life.

If you need to go out always try to take a knowledgeable mate with you and keep out of earshot of obvious Walts

I hope you get through it and I am sure you will
 

Grownup_Rafbrat

LE
Book Reviewer
#18
mephisto said:
I've been dealing with this for YEARS, had every referral going. Nothing has ever helped. Been ok for a few months, then back to square one again. I've accepted any help I've ever been offered. Nothing has worked. So I guess it's down to me. I think that's the conclusion I came to last time I posted here too.

:(
I view mental illness the same as diabetes or rheumatism or arthritis. It NEVER goes away, it has peaks and levels, and you learn to live with it, and eventually, to manage the bad episodes.

What you're doing well is that you recognise that you're going down a spiral, and want to get out of it. Persevere every time - it's worth it to see your children grow into happy humans, and to take the small pleasures there are in life. Whether it's Sea Life, a walk in a garden, or whatever does it for you, find it, and keep doing it.

It doesn't matter how many referrals you need, or how many different types of help you try, or how often you need them. To quote Winston Churchill, a man troubled by depression all his adult life 'just keep bu99ering on'.
 

oldbaldy

LE
Moderator
#19
Do you know any ex-squaddies you can go & have a beer with. Not to talk about your experiences but someone who knows where you are coming from.
Or have you thought about joining a club, society or some other social group with no conection with the services to give you something else to think about. I realise that may cause problems but the longer you put off interaction the worse it can become.
By no means an expert, just trying to give you some hope & ideas.

PS. I find hill walking a great relaxant & meet some grand lad & lassies in walking/climbing pubs.

Editted 'cause I'm an idiot.
 
#20
Looking at people posts, I think the general consensus here is for you to keep active mate, in whatever way you can. quite simply to avoid sinking further into a rut.
There are some good thoughts on here, and Im sure you will get through this.
Stay safe mate.
 

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