Math Question

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Rocketeer, Sep 11, 2008.

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  1. Skin cells last only about three to four that rate you shed about 30,000 to 40,000 cells per minute and a total of 8.8 pounds [ 4 kg] per year..

    How long would it take to shed Jane Goody?

    answer equation in BEDMAS format, please.
  2. Do we have to show calculations in the margin too ???
  3. about 9 to 15 centuries, that is of course if she stops eating all together and doesnt die of diabetes or a heart attack in that time frame
  4. there is of course the added complication that although she is shedding at the rate of 4Kg/year she is also regenerating same skin cells by porking, at the rate that she stuffs her face that means she will actually gain at an exponential rate....

  5. Please don't forget the alledged cancer, that will hopefully kill the cnut quickest[/size]
  6. Just a small quibble MATHS is correct English math is an Americanism that has arrived on the back of the influx of rubbish tv programs from the states.
  7. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    At a rate of 30,000 to 40,000 cells per minute, and ensuring that they are not replaced (by continuously burning the skin with a blowtorch), we can theorise that it would take approximately 2 calendar months.
  8. True, and "programs" is another (except in computer-write, for some reason that escapes me).
  9. 4kg a year would mean it would take about 25-40 years, depending on how often she re-supped with Burger King.

    The psychological scars however would last much longer.

    Now if it's 25 years, (lowest end of the estimation), she is also going to be desperately stretching out her 15 minutes of fame over this time. (Probably by stretching out her sagging flaps so she look like she is trying to do an impersonation of Prince Charles, but hey, whatever gets you on the front page of the Scum)

    This allows for less than a minute of fame for every year of her decaying presence, about 36 seconds if the hamsters in my head are running their wheel at the correct speed.

    As we can do nothing about her Burger intake, short of firebombing every Burger King and MacDonalds within the city limits, the only other thing we can do to starve this behemoth of her necessities is to target the other one - fame.

    So by my calculations, it means that if we can give her less than 36 seconds of thought a year, she will dissipate into a cloven hoofed nonentity vaguely referred to as the Bermuda triangle of Burgers.

    The problem with this is that I type like Helen Keller's thalidomide baby and have inadvertantly given her more than the 36 seconds of attention she needs to survive.

    Only one thing for it, Ronald MacDonald is gonna BURN.
  10. Yea hopefully her eating from the inside out, hopefully speeding up the dying process and ridding us all of this oxygen theieving drain to society.

    Just hope Amy Majestic Crackhouse goes the same way but with how rake like she is it shouldnt be long unlessa drug deaer gets their quicker.
    Infact you could work that one out on you hands
  11. You haven't taken into account the fact that she says she isn't "fick skinned" and that comments like those above really hurt her feelings :D
  12. Its not cancer, its the pox. Everyone knows that she is trying to cover the fact that her fanny is as rotten as a Netto Beef joint in summer and she is pretending its cancer to sell another book.
  13. Righty then, a reasonable estimate of the weight of said subject would be about 12 stone, thats 76.2kg.

    76.2 / 4 = 19.05

    so we know it's 19.05 years.

    to find out the .05 in days, we time 365 (days in a year) by 0.05, which gives us 18.25.

    So, if she started shedding now, it would take 19 years, 18 days and 6 hours.

    All of the above relies on the fact that she weighs 12 stone however.
  14. How long would it take to fcuk her to death? i.e. if you started (under the influence of mistress Stella) to shag her, how long would it take before she would pop her clogs and what would the cause of death be?
  15. Why would you want to do that even under the infuence of Mistress Stella