Maternity Ward

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Civvy-Ginge, Jun 2, 2011.

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  1. A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
    "I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies
    "O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife "No, no boyfriend either."
    "Do you have a partner then?"
    "No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
    After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"
    "Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."
    "Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
    "Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
    "Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
    "Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
    At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,
    "Well thank fuck for that !"
    "What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
    "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to bark!"
  2. phil245

    phil245 LE Book Reviewer

    A woman gives birth to a baby and her family arrive at the maternity ward to see the new arrival. The midwife meets them in the corridor and tells them that the baby has been born without ears and that the mother is very upset, The midwife asks them not to mention the babys missing ears. Her parents walk in to the room, look at the baby and say "what a beautiful baby, has'nt he got beautiful hands, we'll have to look after his hands he might be a great piano player" Her sister says " has'nt he got beautiful feet, we'll have to look after his feet, He might be a great football player". Her brother says " Has'nt he got beautiful eyes, we'll have to look after his eyes, Because he will never be able to wear glasses".