Masturbation Tax- New Rules.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by intergeri, Aug 7, 2009.

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  1. New tax to be introduced:

    Important new masturbation tax rules

    Due to new regulations proposed at EC Headquarters in Brussels, an embargo on masturbation is being introduced in your area. As from today masturbation will be standardised to a maximum duration of thirty seconds twice a week.

    The new regulations will also include stiff new tax bands (Pay as you pull levy). Under strict new guidelines the following will be outlawed:

    Left handed stimulation

    Animals (except sheep)


    Hollowed out cucumbers

    The use of rubber gloves

    Vibrating Love Eggs

    KY Jelly

    Rebates will be available for people with exceptionally ugly partners (Male or Female), although a
    Standard charge will be made for anyone living in Wales. The tax bands shown below show the rate of
    Tax for which you will be eligible for . All Hermaphrodites pay tax band 'D' rates.
    Payment should be made in weekly intervals and taken along with your semen sample to your local tax
    Office (airtight containers available on request).
    All cheques should be made payable to: H.M. Inspector of Taxes.
    N.B. failure to comply with the charges described or late payments of said charges could result in
    enforced Penis clamping.

    Please fill in your details and send them back to the address shown within the next 14 days

    CHANGE OF CIRCUMSTANCES - You must notify your local tax office of any changes to your Penis.
    e.g. (Reduction, enlargement, accidents, sex change operations etc) as this could affect the amount of
    Tax you pay. Please also note that the use of Penis enlargers is strictly prohibited without a licence*
    WARNING: To give false or to withhold information could render you liable to penis clamping.

    Penis length in inches (erect) Cost per week
    BAND A 0.5** N/A
    BAND B 1 £1
    BAND C 1.5 -5 £3
    BAND D 5.5-7.9 £6
    BAND E 8.0 - 12 £9

    * Penis enlarger licence £179 per year

    NAME: ..............................................


    LENGTH OF PENIS (ERECT) ......................
    CIRCUMFERENCE OF TESTICLES..................

    I ENCLOSE PAYMENT OF £.........................(Made payable to H.M. Inspector of Taxes)
    Fill out all the above details, print out and send to:
    Mr. Dick Flaccid, H.M. Inspector of taxes, London WC1 RT5

    ** You must be fcuking joking
  2. Don't you ever get tired of the copy/paste routine?
  3. And what the fcuk else am I supposed to do with a funny email? Tell you what send me your email address and I'll forward it directly to you, would that be better?

    Attached Files:

  4. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    'Rebates will be available for people with exceptionally ugly partners (Male or Female)'

    looks like sarah brown and harriet harpersons husband are going to get fcukoff big cheques in the post then...
  5. Is that what everyone else does yeah? Lecture everyone not just me :lol:
  6. Chuckle at it and print it. Then stuff the print out in your mouth and choke on it.
  7. "Hollowed out cucumbers "

    Baby dick much.
  8. Tell you what how about I chuckle at it, print it, then nail it to your forehead? Then take a pic and post it on here, then at least it wouldn't be a copy and paste. There you go problem solved.
  9. I know what happened to Maddie Mcann
  10. How about write it on a piece of paper, and recite it as you step off a f ucking multi storey car park, you utterly dull witless beige boring f ucking cretinous waste of f ucking oxygen.

    Here's a thing, ITS NOT FUNNY. if that's the type of f ucking shite that tickles your funny bone, then I suggest you book a f ucking one way flight to Switzerland this week, and I'm not suggesting you go and buy toblerones either.
  11. Gosh, I really do have to teach you how to spell sweary mary words. Report to my bedroom immediately. :wink:
  12. Yeah, toblerones are fucking shit you should buy a cuckoo clock instead.
  13. Calm down it's not a real tax, you'll be fine. Mellow out............ now breathe.
  14. He must be so proud that everyone knows he needs you to stick up for him and "permed"? WTF is that about? And if in doubt call a woman a hoor, very imaginative :roll:
  15. It's true what most people on here say about you, intergeri; you're about as much use as Chubb/Nathan/whatever-the-creature-is-calling-itself today.

    So do us a favour...............