Masturbation Tax- New Rules.

#1
New tax to be introduced:

Important new masturbation tax rules



Due to new regulations proposed at EC Headquarters in Brussels, an embargo on masturbation is being introduced in your area. As from today masturbation will be standardised to a maximum duration of thirty seconds twice a week.

The new regulations will also include stiff new tax bands (Pay as you pull levy). Under strict new guidelines the following will be outlawed:

Left handed stimulation

Animals (except sheep)

Socks

Hollowed out cucumbers

The use of rubber gloves

Vibrating Love Eggs

KY Jelly





Rebates will be available for people with exceptionally ugly partners (Male or Female), although a
Standard charge will be made for anyone living in Wales. The tax bands shown below show the rate of
Tax for which you will be eligible for . All Hermaphrodites pay tax band 'D' rates.
Payment should be made in weekly intervals and taken along with your semen sample to your local tax
Office (airtight containers available on request).
All cheques should be made payable to: H.M. Inspector of Taxes.
N.B. failure to comply with the charges described or late payments of said charges could result in
enforced Penis clamping.

Please fill in your details and send them back to the address shown within the next 14 days

CHANGE OF CIRCUMSTANCES - You must notify your local tax office of any changes to your Penis.
e.g. (Reduction, enlargement, accidents, sex change operations etc) as this could affect the amount of
Tax you pay. Please also note that the use of Penis enlargers is strictly prohibited without a licence*
WARNING: To give false or to withhold information could render you liable to penis clamping.


Penis length in inches (erect) Cost per week
BAND A 0.5** N/A
BAND B 1 £1
BAND C 1.5 -5 £3
BAND D 5.5-7.9 £6
BAND E 8.0 - 12 £9

* Penis enlarger licence £179 per year


NAME: ..............................................

ADDRESS:............................................................................................

SEMEN SAMPLE ENCLOSED: YES/NO
LENGTH OF PENIS (ERECT) ......................
CIRCUMFERENCE OF TESTICLES..................
CIRCUMCISED: YES/NO

I ENCLOSE PAYMENT OF £.........................(Made payable to H.M. Inspector of Taxes)
Fill out all the above details, print out and send to:
Mr. Dick Flaccid, H.M. Inspector of taxes, London WC1 RT5

** You must be fcuking joking
 
#3
And what the fcuk else am I supposed to do with a funny email? Tell you what send me your email address and I'll forward it directly to you, would that be better?
 

Attachments

maguire

LE
Book Reviewer
#4
'Rebates will be available for people with exceptionally ugly partners (Male or Female)'

looks like sarah brown and harriet harpersons husband are going to get fcukoff big cheques in the post then...
 
#8
Stanley1975 said:
intergeri said:
And what the fcuk else am I supposed to do with a funny email?
Chuckle at it and print it. Then stuff the print out in your mouth and choke on it.
Tell you what how about I chuckle at it, print it, then nail it to your forehead? Then take a pic and post it on here, then at least it wouldn't be a copy and paste. There you go problem solved.
 
#10
intergeri said:
And what the fcuk else am I supposed to do with a funny email? Tell you what send me your email address and I'll forward it directly to you, would that be better?
How about write it on a piece of paper, and recite it as you step off a f ucking multi storey car park, you utterly dull witless beige boring f ucking cretinous waste of f ucking oxygen.

Here's a thing, ITS NOT FUNNY. if that's the type of f ucking shite that tickles your funny bone, then I suggest you book a f ucking one way flight to Switzerland this week, and I'm not suggesting you go and buy toblerones either.
 
#11
shortfuse said:
intergeri said:
And what the fcuk else am I supposed to do with a funny email? Tell you what send me your email address and I'll forward it directly to you, would that be better?
How about write it on a piece of paper, and recite it as you step off a f ucking multi storey car park, you utterly dull witless beige boring f ucking cretinous waste of f ucking oxygen.

Here's a thing, ITS NOT FUNNY. if that's the type of f ucking shite that tickles your funny bone, then I suggest you book a f ucking one way flight to Switzerland this week, and I'm not suggesting you go and buy toblerones either.
Gosh, I really do have to teach you how to spell sweary mary words. Report to my bedroom immediately. :wink:
 
#12
shortfuse said:
intergeri said:
And what the fcuk else am I supposed to do with a funny email? Tell you what send me your email address and I'll forward it directly to you, would that be better?
How about write it on a piece of paper, and recite it as you step off a f ucking multi storey car park, you utterly dull witless beige boring f ucking cretinous waste of f ucking oxygen.

Here's a thing, ITS NOT FUNNY. if that's the type of f ucking shite that tickles your funny bone, then I suggest you book a f ucking one way flight to Switzerland this week, and I'm not suggesting you go and buy toblerones either.
Yeah, toblerones are fucking shit you should buy a cuckoo clock instead.
 
#13
shortfuse said:
intergeri said:
And what the fcuk else am I supposed to do with a funny email? Tell you what send me your email address and I'll forward it directly to you, would that be better?
How about write it on a piece of paper, and recite it as you step off a f ucking multi storey car park, you utterly dull witless beige boring f ucking cretinous waste of f ucking oxygen.

Here's a thing, ITS NOT FUNNY. if that's the type of f ucking shite that tickles your funny bone, then I suggest you book a f ucking one way flight to Switzerland this week, and I'm not suggesting you go and buy toblerones either.
Calm down it's not a real tax, you'll be fine. Mellow out............ now breathe.
 
#14
jarrod248 said:
intergeri said:
shortfuse said:
intergeri said:
And what the fcuk else am I supposed to do with a funny email? Tell you what send me your email address and I'll forward it directly to you, would that be better?
How about write it on a piece of paper, and recite it as you step off a f ucking multi storey car park, you utterly dull witless beige boring f ucking cretinous waste of f ucking oxygen.

Here's a thing, ITS NOT FUNNY. if that's the type of f ucking shite that tickles your funny bone, then I suggest you book a f ucking one way flight to Switzerland this week, and I'm not suggesting you go and buy toblerones either.
Calm down it's not a real tax, you'll be fine. Mellow out............ now breathe.
Leave him alone and follow his instructions you ginger nasty permed hoor.
He must be so proud that everyone knows he needs you to stick up for him and "permed"? WTF is that about? And if in doubt call a woman a hoor, very imaginative :roll:
 
C

cloudbuster

Guest
#15
It's true what most people on here say about you, intergeri; you're about as much use as Chubb/Nathan/whatever-the-creature-is-calling-itself today.

So do us a favour...............
 
#16
jarrod248 said:
intergeri said:
jarrod248 said:
intergeri said:
shortfuse said:
intergeri said:
And what the fcuk else am I supposed to do with a funny email? Tell you what send me your email address and I'll forward it directly to you, would that be better?
How about write it on a piece of paper, and recite it as you step off a f ucking multi storey car park, you utterly dull witless beige boring f ucking cretinous waste of f ucking oxygen.

Here's a thing, ITS NOT FUNNY. if that's the type of f ucking shite that tickles your funny bone, then I suggest you book a f ucking one way flight to Switzerland this week, and I'm not suggesting you go and buy toblerones either.
Calm down it's not a real tax, you'll be fine. Mellow out............ now breathe.
Leave him alone and follow his instructions you ginger nasty permed hoor.
Waffle, whine, moan, cut and paste, whine whinge, moan :roll:
Most interesting dear now go and set yourself on fire.
When it would bring you so much delight?
Small piece of advice for you Jarrot, a sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.
 
#17
cloudbuster said:
It's true what most people on here say about you, intergeri; you're about as much use as Chubb/Nathan/whatever-the-creature-is-calling-itself today.

So do us a favour...............
Think I need to point something out here, THIS IS THE INTERNET, not only that IT'S A SITE ON THE INTERNET. We don't have to socialise (thank f*ck) and if everyone loved everyone else on here it would be a f*cking sham.

When I get bored I come on here and wind people up, no harm in that you're all adults, well you're all meant to be. When I want to be a member of the real world I spend time with people I actually give a rats arrse about. In a nut shell, get a life and thicken up your skin, it's becoming way too easy to get under yours.
 
C

cloudbuster

Guest
#18
Like shooting fish in a barrel.
intergeri said:
Think I need to point something out here, THIS IS THE INTERNET, not only that IT'S A SITE ON THE INTERNET. We don't have to socialise (thank f*ck) and if everyone loved everyone else on here it would be a f*cking sham.
I think most of us have cottoned-on to that, but thanks for bringing it up.

intergeri said:
When I get bored I come on here and wind people up, no harm in that you're all adults, well you're all meant to be. When I want to be a member of the real world I spend time with people I actually give a rats arrse about. In a nut shell, get a life and thicken up your skin, it's becoming way too easy to get under yours.
So you enjoy winding up others, but can't seem to cope when you're the victim.
 
#19
cloudbuster said:
Like shooting fish in a barrel.
intergeri said:
Think I need to point something out here, THIS IS THE INTERNET, not only that IT'S A SITE ON THE INTERNET. We don't have to socialise (thank f*ck) and if everyone loved everyone else on here it would be a f*cking sham.
I think most of us have cottoned-on to that, but thanks for bringing it up.

intergeri said:
When I get bored I come on here and wind people up, no harm in that you're all adults, well you're all meant to be. When I want to be a member of the real world I spend time with people I actually give a rats arrse about. In a nut shell, get a life and thicken up your skin, it's becoming way too easy to get under yours.
So you enjoy winding up others, but can't seem to cope when you're the victim.

Whatever you sad fcuk :roll:
 

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