MASTURBATION POEM You don't need to use a condom You don't need a dental dam You don't need to say "I Love You" or "Here's Fifty quid, Ma'am." Don't need to spring for dinner, Or wear all that sexy stuff All you need's a set of fingers and a wanker or a muff 'Cause everybody's doing' it, all across the land Masturbators Of The World, Give Yourselves A Hand! It's natural, and organic It's easy and it's fun If you don't know how to do, it ask me how it's done! You don't need a special license You don't need a special skill Just slip your grip between your hips and get a special thrill! 'Cause everybody's doing' it, and it really does feel gland, Masturbators of The World, Give Yourselves a Hand!