Masturbation drills

#1
I noticed this in today's Grauniad

"My father-in-law is masturbating in my house
He uses my laptop to view internet pornography and I want it to stop

My wife's father, aged 68, moved in with us recently. He's nice, but seems to be addicted to internet porn. I know that he pleasures himself on our sofa using our laptops when we are out or upstairs – a lot. How do I stop him?"

So how do you intervene to save the old chap from further shame? Do you pull his plug out? Or do you let him carry on and put a throw over the sofa?
 
#3
It's only a matter of time until the wife becomes pregnant by sitting on the couch naked

Sent from my brick using poo stained fingers
 
#5
So you're happy to admit to reading the Guardian?
I read all the papers, while thrapping in the toilet. God invented the Porcelain Crotch Moped Wank Chariot for a reason. This chap's mistake was to use the couch in the living room. Bad drills.
 
#6
Have they thought about passwording their computers?

Then he'd have to use his own.
 
#7
The Guardian, as any fule kno, is the Paper of Choice for Wankers, so I see no problem there.

The toilet has its own 'Moral Lesson Simulator' in it. Pull the light switch and it all goes dark - a reminder of the permanent darkness that will smite wankers everywhere.
 
#8
Sounds like Father in Laws an ARRSEr to me. :)
The Grauniad letter writer is obviously jealous as fcuk the old feller is getting more sex than him.
Good on the old thrapper.
 
#11
Well it seems a shed would be a perfect solution.

I hope that hasn't caused anyone to soil their slippers prematurely.
 
#12
"My father-in-law is masturbating in my house
He uses my laptop to view internet pornography and I want it to stop

My wife's father, aged 68, moved in with us recently. He's nice, but seems to be addicted to internet porn. I know that he pleasures himself on our sofa using our laptops when we are out or upstairs – a lot. How do I stop him?"
Last night in the pub...

Author; "The missus found my copy of Anal Farmyard 3 on the laptop and all the keys stuck down this morning. I've blamed her Dad and told her ill try and get some help for the old cunt"

Authors Mate: Good Drills
 
#13
I noticed this in today's Grauniad

"My father-in-law is masturbating in my house
He uses my laptop to view internet pornography and I want it to stop

My wife's father, aged 68, moved in with us recently. He's nice, but seems to be addicted to internet porn. I know that he pleasures himself on our sofa using our laptops when we are out or upstairs – a lot. How do I stop him?"

So how do you intervene to save the old chap from further shame? Do you pull his plug out? Or do you let him carry on and put a throw over the sofa?
How does he know?
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#14
It's only a matter of time before they find the father in law hanging from a wardrobe door wearing his daughter in laws panties. I only wish I went out like that...
 
#16
Daft question, how does she know the old guy is throttling the bishop, is he careless and spatters the screen or douse the sofa fabric???
 
#18
Elizabeth: Good night, John Boy.
John-Boy: Good night, Elizabeth. Good night, Daddy.
John: Good night, Son. Good night, Mary Ellen.
Mary Ellen: Good night, Daddy. Good night, Mama.
Olivia: Good night, Mary Ellen. Good night, Jim Bob.
Jim Bob: Good night, Mama. Good night, Erin.
Erin: Good night, Jim Bob. Good night, Ben.
Ben: Good night, Erin. Good night, everybody.
Zeb: Thwap, thwap, thwap
Olivia: Goddammit Grandpa, I'm canceling you subscription to national geographic
 
#20
Daft question, how does she know the old guy is throttling the bishop, is he careless and spatters the screen or douse the sofa fabric???
I have visions of the 'manilow' family from road trip...
 

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