Masturbation Advice

Disco Dave

Considering taking the afternoon off for a serious "treat yourself", baby oil involved ****. What's your top wanking tips?
You need good material so i suggest you look at this one first.

Or this one....

Or even

All @

But i think you like this sort of porn!
Dont do it, makkz yo bind, dmmit, cant se the keeboord.
DON'T..... it is ALL very true I telt Ye..... the School Matron said that one would 'fall to bits, go deaf' hair fall out and need to go to "Specsavers...!"

Well, my old ex-comrades and ex-comradesses, serving squaddies, crab-air and matelots.... not sure about the ladies what happens, but it has all come to pass.... so there...!!

"What ye pull, so shall it cum......!"
Lock the door (if lockable). Help's alleviate a whole world of p1ss-taking the rest of the tour
Lady Sonia... She ain't got no class.....just like whose Josie..!
Hang from the top of an open door using the backs of your knees allowing you do effortlessly ejaculate into your own open mouth.

When you've finished stuff yourself into a jiffy bag and post yourself to Syria with the words 'please cut my ******* head off' in thick marker on your forehead.
I managed to get a day off work, sorry, working from home last Friday. Decided that as I hadn't had the opportunity for a while I would "try" and whack off a few throughout the day.

XNXX search punishment, Bella Donna taking a baseball bat, 2ft of big roll wrapped around my bell end, **** 1.

Did a bit of work, had a cup of tea and was ready for another ****, XNXX again, new vids, far too many "mom and son" pornos (is this really normal?) but I found a decent babysitter one. Again Bogroll wrapped around the helmet.

I won't bore you with any more details but friction caused a sore on my helmet which, if the wife went down on would need explaining.

Obviously the reason I was wanking so much was the wife hasn't been down on me since before the wedding, so **** away and don't worry about the friction burns.

Or else have an affair.
Don't use alcohol gel as a lubricant! A "ahem" mate of mine tried that in a sangar in Iraq. It apparently felt like his knob was on fire!

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