MasterChef

#1
Seem`s like the contestants put a bit too much of themselves in the food and watchful viewers have complained about all the sweat,blood and tears in each dish.
 
#3
Sweat, blood and tears i can deal with. It's the other bodily fluids that make me gag......
 
#5
They were responsible for Lisa Faulkener coming back on the telly a lot more. She's ******* lush, saw her at some cooking live show at Tatton Park last year & she's tidier in the flesh. I'd be up that like a rat up a drainpipe.

The colonial presenter is shagging her, she's got no standards so I might be in with a shout.
 
#7
"Chef's note: Heat up a lightly oiled frying pan/skillet. remove from heat and ejaculate directly into pan, return to heat and fry the semen without stirring."

Excellent, I have been doing it right all along.
 
#8
"Chef's note: Heat up a lightly oiled frying pan/skillet. remove from heat and ejaculate directly into pan, return to heat and fry the semen without stirring."

Excellent, I have been doing it right all along.
Jesus, that will smell like an SF sangar circa 1986, heaters going full whack & some ****** spanks off onto it at end of his STAG
 
#9
They were responsible for Lisa Faulkener coming back on the telly a lot more. She's ******* lush, saw her at some cooking live show at Tatton Park last year & she's tidier in the flesh. I'd be up that like a rat up a drainpipe.

The colonial presenter is shagging her, she's got no standards so I might be in with a shout.
Her womb is barren and she has mental issues therefore I'd like to hump her until I ejaculated.

Obviously I'd withdraw prior to releasing my seed so I could flavour a pot of stew.
 
#12
Probably an urban myth but I heard that a member of the Army Catering Corps, duty chef in the Officer's Mess at 7 Signal Regiment, was caught taking one off the wrist into the breakfast milk.
When he appeared on orders in response to the question, "Have you anything to say?"
Replied, "Yes." "I would like 52 previous offences to be taken into consideration."
 

Wordsmith

LE
Book Reviewer
#16
I had a mate that worked for a major hotel chain. Being rude when you asked for room service was a pretty well guaranteed way of having your food tampered with on the way up. For example potatoes tended to get licked before the meal was delivered to the room. Or nose pickings would get added to the soup.

So there is some truth behind the urban myths.

Wordsmith
 
#17
#18
I know a bloke who was a commis chef in a rather posh hotel over here in NI,just outside Bangor,that gets a lot of wedding receptions there.One of the chefs used to use his 'own blend' of salty water to boil the veg in...
 
#19
#20
A fellow chef fucked a large piece of liver whilst on exercise many moons ago, but I wasn't told whether he'd seasoned it fully prior to cooking and serving.
 

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