Masterchef - The Professionals

I had a reality check a few months back. I have a Jamie Oliver cookbook. One page was about how to joint a chicken. (Normally I just roast the chicken or buy thighs/breasts as required). So I figured I would give it a try.

Despite having clear instructions, I made an unholy fornicate up of it and the end result looked nothing like Jamie's demo. I suspect even the basic prep stuff is not as easy as it looks unless you've been properly taught.

Wordsmith

It just takes practice........ no matter how badly you do it at first, you've still got a load of meat.
I've found that it's easier to de- skin the chicken first, then it's easier to see the different muscles.
Cut off the parson's nose, slit along the underside, then waggle your fingers, you should be able to remove it in one piece till you reach the wings.
 
Cut off the parson's nose, slit along the underside, then waggle your fingers, you should be able to remove it in one piece till you reach the wings.
Are we still on cookery, or has this thread taken a typical ARRSE detour? :smile:
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
I had a reality check a few months back. I have a Jamie Oliver cookbook. One page was about how to joint a chicken. (Normally I just roast the chicken or buy thighs/breasts as required). So I figured I would give it a try.

Despite having clear instructions, I made an unholy fornicate up of it and the end result looked nothing like Jamie's demo. I suspect even the basic prep stuff is not as easy as it looks unless you've been properly taught.

Wordsmith
Watch a video on the subject, makes it easier than trying to read a book on it as it talks you through the exercise.
 

CplFoodspoiler

War Hero
Book Reviewer
This. No wonder he always has a shit eating grin on his face - he is almost permanently on the box nowadays. Never has so little talent been rewarded so much. Describing him as an annoying twat doesn’t do this bellend justice.
With apologies to @Joker62 for slight thread drift!
If only this had been started in the NAAfI..... the substitution of my heartfelt and colourful language wouldn't have been reduced to asterisks. C*** that he is.
 
Come on Joker, apply for masterchef, it would be great to see you on there.
 
Come on Joker, apply for masterchef, it would be great to see you on there.
Can you imagine it.

Monica being told to feck off.
Wallace being given a slap
And the head chef type being told to wind his fecking neck in and stop being a ponce!

It'll make brilliant TV.
 
I've been watching all three series (normal, cewleb and pro) for years.

When it comes to the pro competition, there's no doubt that the ones who've had a classic progressional training are at a massive advantage over some of the jumped up tirts who started in a kebab shop and then got promoted to something other than bottle washer.

Shame Georgie got kicked out this week. She was rather easy on the eye!
 
I like watching food stuff on telly, even if I will then go and make some brown stuff as usual.

I'm a bit more sympathetic to the 'professionals' in that first skills test. Marcus or Monica will clearly spend a bit of time practicing their version and making sure they can do it within the time frame. Then Joe Bloggs steps in, gets told 'Make this, you've got 15 minutes, go' and that's it. No wonder some of them get a bit flustered and balls things up.
 

Oyibo

LE
If we'd been given the encouragement (and the funds), you'd have got that kind of stuff if the cookhouse was full of chefs with civvy quals, but as we didn't get the first 2 and there weren't many of the third, it didn't happen (unless you were in the Officers Mess :mrgreen: )
On one tour in NI (when the QM wasn't trying to win an MBE for saving money) we had a brilliant chef in Woodburn. He was only a corporal but he and his men turned out some brilliant food for a company + sized group. Unfortunately the CO found out and transferred him to the officers' mess in North Howard Street Mill.

Apologies for the thread drift
 
I like watching food stuff on telly, even if I will then go and make some brown stuff as usual.

I'm a bit more sympathetic to the 'professionals' in that first skills test. Marcus or Monica will clearly spend a bit of time practicing their version and making sure they can do it within the time frame. Then Joe Bloggs steps in, gets told 'Make this, you've got 15 minutes, go' and that's it. No wonder some of them get a bit flustered and balls things up.
Firstly, these are supposedly professional chefs. So, whether Marcus and Monica jazz up classical dishes to make them a bit more interesting for the viewers is neither here nor there.
The contestants are meant to be professional chefs, and you'd think that they'd have the common sense to gen up on things that they might be expected to know.
 
Firstly, these are supposedly professional chefs. So, whether Marcus and Monica jazz up classical dishes to make them a bit more interesting for the viewers is neither here nor there.
The contestants are meant to be professional chefs, and you'd think that they'd have the common sense to gen up on things that they might be expected to know.
I get that and it's still amusing to watch the look on Marcus's face as the contestant does something stupid and he's clearly trying not to say anything.

I'm just saying that some of the stuff might be something they've done at college several years ago and being asked to do it without a chance to prep and under time pressure on TV. Makes it a bit more understandable why some of them screw it up.
 
I like watching food stuff on telly, even if I will then go and make some brown stuff as usual.

I'm a bit more sympathetic to the 'professionals' in that first skills test. Marcus or Monica will clearly spend a bit of time practicing their version and making sure they can do it within the time frame. Then Joe Bloggs steps in, gets told 'Make this, you've got 15 minutes, go' and that's it. No wonder some of them get a bit flustered and balls things up.

Except that Monica clearly screwed up on the crepe souffle.

Originally the time alloted was 15 minutes but when it got to the contestants, it had stretched to 20.
 
I get that and it's still amusing to watch the look on Marcus's face as the contestant does something stupid and he's clearly trying not to say anything. I reckon that that is purely for the viewer TBH mate.

I'm just saying that some of the stuff might be something they've done at college several years ago agreed and being asked to do it without a chance to prep hence why they should mug up on the basics that they need to know. Even the Army recognises the importance of getting back to basics. and under time pressure on TV. A professional should be able to handle pressure surely? Makes it a bit more understandable why some of them screw it up.
My bold
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
Watching last night, I realised that the programme is so much better without Fatty Wallace, but then, she of the great chest was on last night too as one of the critics. Did I mention that Grace has a splendid set of breasts?
1574412478612.png
 
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Watch a video on the subject, makes it easier than trying to read a book on it as it talks you through the exercise.
I've been cutting up chckens like that since I learned to cook in my early 20's. I think my mum showed me how to do it.
 
Watching last night, I realised that the programme is so much better without Fatty Wallace, but then, she of the great chest was on last night too as one of the critics. Did I mention that Grace has a splendid set of breasts?
View attachment 432019
I honestly hadn't noticed before, thank you for the informative comment. I shall be aware of their presence in future.

I'm just glad they've stopped inviting that grumpy fat **** of a critic Campion on.
 

PFGEN

GCM
Oh don't get me wrong, she's a cracking chef. She's just no fun to watch.
Sometimes watch this lot and enjoy seeing some professional obviously screwing something up and camera cut to the expression on Monica's face. At that point you know whoever it is is going to be serving up roadkill.
 
Sometimes watch this lot and enjoy seeing some professional obviously screwing something up and camera cut to the expression on Monica's face. At that point you know whoever it is is going to be serving up roadkill.
Or Marcus screwing his face up, clearly wanting to say "What the **** are you doing?".
 
I suspect even the basic prep stuff is not as easy as it looks unless you've been properly taught.
I think that’s a key point though - you would have to be utterly bonkers to apply to the programme if you hadn’t been to catering college, and therefore have at the very least a fundamental grounding in the classics. This should really be obvious from one thing, the fact that Waering & Galetti (plus of course Roux Jr beforehand) all came up through La Gavroche

indeed, it’s worth mentioning that MPW and Gordon Ramsey, despite being prima-donnas, both came through la Gavroche & the classics- and have clearly seen proper graft to get to where they are. worth a watch:

 
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