Master Strokes & Epic Fails

I have given advice in the past, particularly to Newly Weds on the subject of DIY as a resident...ahem expert on the subject as can be evidenced in the thread below.

Thread 'Marriage Advice (Guidance) for Newly Weds from those who have been there....' https://www.arrse.co.uk/community/t...y-weds-from-those-who-have-been-there.294049/

However this post is specifically aimed at 'Painting & Decorating' which can be a nightmare for the gullible and less experienced personnel such as I.

This is your opportunity to share your wisdom based on your experiences with a brush and a tin of paint, both good and bad.

What have been your 'Master Strokes & Epic Fails' ? What are the 'Do's & Don'ts?

Here's a few tips to get you started.

"Do's"
1. Use Frog Tape to mask off all areas to be painted. Green for cured paintwork, Yellow for freshly painted areas, Orange for carpets around skirting boards. It might take you an hour or two, but it saves time later trying to remove paint from surfaces that weren't meant to be painted.;-)

2. Store brushes, rollers, and paint trays overnight in plastic bags. This keeps them from drying out and saves you having to wash everything out at the end of the day.

3. Use plenty of floor coverings, especially when using gloss or vinyl silk paint. Waxy or glossy paper is better than newspaper, (old porn mags) for example.

4. Try if at all possible not to step into the paint tray behind you, sending both paint and roller into orbit, boldly going where it shouldn't.

"Dont's"
1. Never say to SWMBO, "Do you think that needs a second coat?

2. Never ask SWMBO what she thinks of your handiwork"

3. Never ask SWMBO what she thinks, full stop. There just isn't time.

4. Never utter words of profanity loudly. It will bring about the rapid response interrogation to enquire what it is you have done. Some things are definitely best kept to yourself.

5. Do not leave wet paint brushes in the bathroom sink and forget about them. Life is too short.

So there you are, good advice, free of charge.

I welcome additional tips, or any suggestions that you may have based on your infinite knowledge.


Screenshot_20210811-102619_Chrome.jpg
 
Don't

Put the 10L tin of paint you just bought from B&Q on the back seat without securing it, before you drive home*.


*Unless you want to redecorate the car in a white Jackson Pollock style.
 
Don't buy cheap shyte from B+Q. Their products are just as wQnk as their staff
 
Get a female friend around to do it for you in exchange for a home cooked dinner, wine and a night of frolics.

(this may or may not be a useful tip for newly weds - depends on how you ‘swing’ I suppose...)
 
Look in the phone book, or get a painter you know who is working on the same site as you, ask for mates rates, sit back and relax in the knowledge that its being done by an expert, who knows what he is doing, and wont stitch you up. Top Tip:- Never attempt to do another mans job, when you haven't a clue how to do it.

PS, Coincidentally as i type this, a tree surgeon is trimming and topping off the trees on our drive. I could do it, but hes being paid to do the job, clean up, and dispose of the cuttings. ;)
 
Look in the phone book, or get a painter you know who is working on the same site as you, ask for mates rates, sit back and relax in the knowledge that its being done by an expert, who knows what he is doing, and wont stitch you up. Top Tip:- Never attempt to do another mans job, when you haven't a clue how to do it.

PS, Coincidentally as i type this, a tree surgeon is trimming and topping off the trees on our drive. I could do it, but hes being paid to do the job, clean up, and dispose of the cuttings. ;)
I'm renovating my house. All perfectly within my means and abilities. New floors, new kitchen, new downstairs toilet etc, new skirts, new doors, painting throughout, new s"£$ in the garden which I've already converted in to my own little Redoubt where I can hide with my tools and make stuff. Once its all done then I'll do the bathroom upstairs.
My thoughts? Never a-facking-gain!!!
I now hate the house, hate DIY, hate decorating, and am borderline hating the Arssehole I'm married to due to her minimal half hearted assistance. Its her fault, there was nowt wrong with it all in the first place.
If in the extremely unlikely event of a reoccurrence, I'll be paying through the arrse to get contractors in.
 
4. Try if at all possible not to step into the paint tray behind you, sending both paint and roller into orbit, boldly going where it shouldn't.

Also do not drop an open tin of dark coloured paint on the floor next to a sleeping, predominantly white furred. dog.

Top tip - if you must, at least drop emulsion paint - you can scrub and rinse the dog off before it dries... =-(
 
Also do not drop an open tin of dark coloured paint on the floor next to a sleeping, predominantly white furred. dog.

Top tip - if you must, at least drop emulsion paint - you can scrub and rinse the dog off before it dries... =-(
There are other solutions.

shaved-husky_650x400_71497277858.jpg
 
I'm renovating my house. All perfectly within my means and abilities. New floors, new kitchen, new downstairs toilet etc, new skirts, new doors, painting throughout, new s"£$ in the garden which I've already converted in to my own little Redoubt where I can hide with my tools and make stuff. Once its all done then I'll do the bathroom upstairs.
My thoughts? Never a-facking-gain!!!
I now hate the house, hate DIY, hate decorating, and am borderline hating the Arssehole I'm married to due to her minimal half hearted assistance. Its her fault, there was nowt wrong with it all in the first place.
If in the extremely unlikely event of a re-occurrence, I'll be paying through the arrse to get contractors in.
I am not advocating that all house maintenance should be done by paid experts,a few of the small inconsequential bits and pieces can be done by a non expert, small stiff, a touch of paint on the skirting, laying carpet tiles in the box room, fitting out your shed-mans room-sanctuary, that sort of thing, but as you say,the big stuff, its best left to those who know best. Over the last 33 years in our home, i reckon i have spent about £40k on major upgrades and renovations. new kitchen, windows, bathroom, boiler, carpets drive etc all the things that i haven't a scooby how to do myself...... All the electrics i do, being a sparky type ( Retired ) :)
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
I'm renovating my house. All perfectly within my means and abilities. New floors, new kitchen, new downstairs toilet etc, new skirts, new doors, painting throughout, new s"£$ in the garden which I've already converted in to my own little Redoubt where I can hide with my tools and make stuff. Once its all done then I'll do the bathroom upstairs.
My thoughts? Never a-facking-gain!!!
I now hate the house, hate DIY, hate decorating, and am borderline hating the Arssehole I'm married to due to her minimal half hearted assistance. Its her fault, there was nowt wrong with it all in the first place.
If in the extremely unlikely event of a reoccurrence, I'll be paying through the arrse to get contractors in.
To be fair, you only have yourself to blame, you let yourself be talked into it!
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
Papa golf has to be a septic, no red blooded all British bloke gezzer type chap would be so browbeaten, under the thumb, c*** struck, as to be talked int such a massive task,......allegedly! :eek:
My OH recently broached the idea of decorating the bedroom and hallway before we got the fitted wardrobes and shelving units fitted, even down to picking the colours, first thing I did was reach for the card a mate, who's a painter/decorator, gave me a couple of months before. She then voiced that it would cost a fortune to get him in, then I explained that it would cost more if she let me do it and then we had to call him in to rectify it, job done, mate got the work, happiness all round!
 
Use Frog Tape to mask off all areas to be painted. Green for cured paintwork, Yellow for freshly painted areas, Orange for carpets around skirting boards. It might take you an hour or two, but it saves time later trying to remove paint from surfaces that weren't meant to be painted.;-)

Or just take your time and learn to cut in. Eventual it becomes second nature and quicker.
 
In my defence, I agreed to bugger all. I was half way through the downstairs bog (I knocked the wall out under the stairs to make a storage cupboard)when suddenly loads of new floor shyte turned up, then paint, then I had to get the doors. Before I knew that I was awake and also very sober, I had about 6 facking huge jobs to do, while she sat on her gink “working from home “
 
Or just take your time and learn to cut in. Eventual it becomes second nature and quicker.
Feck that. That's a skill akin to loading and unloading the dishwasher correctly. Do it once and her Indoors will expect it all the time.

Plus I can always say I've run out if Frog Tape love when something needs painting and I cant be arrsed.

And the little tubs the tape comes in make handy containers for screws off door handles and stuff.
 
A few more top tips folks.

1. Never step over an open tin of paint with a stirring stick in it no matter how high you think you can lift your leg.

2. If you are in the middle of painting a door and need to go for a piss, then go. Do not say "I'll just finish this bit then I'll go" You will start rushing it and fcuk it up, and still end up pissing yourself.

3. If SWMBO asks, "Did you use a spirit level?" Make sure you can keep a straight face when you lie.

4. If it still looks wet, it probably is.

5. If something looks like it needs filling and rubbing down before painting, then it does.

6. If SWMBO says, "That looks a bit patchy" Do not try and blag it by blaming it on the light. It is patchy, sort it.

7. A handy thing to do while painting is imagine SWMBO is stood in the doorway watching you.

8. Make sure you paint the back of the bedroom door every bit as good as the entrance side of the door. Because that's the bit she'll be looking at while you are trying to get your leg over.

You are welcome. More to come I'm sure.
 

Troy

LE
Or just take your time and learn to cut in. Eventual it becomes second nature and quicker.
I agree. And to help out any Arrsers who want to learn how to do this I shall share this link to a video that helped me out enormously:


Other tips are; Do NOT get cheap paint from the likes of Wilko. You will be disappointed with the results and are likely to need three coats. Instead, get a trade quality paint and ask them to shake it on their machine before you take it home.

Overdo it with the floor covering/protection and dustsheets. Even to the point of draping doors with polythene or dustsheets.

A sensible order of working is; Ceilings first, then walls, then skirtings and architraves.

Better to remove light switches and power sockets and let them hang free so you can paint behind them, rather than try to paint around them. If they have loose debris inside them, vac the dust and debris out of harm's way.

Minimise potential disturbances by making a round of phone calls before people call you. Let them know you are painting and would rather not be interrupted.
 

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