Mary had a little.........

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by The Perisher, Dec 2, 2012.

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  1. Mary had a little lamb,
    She took it to the shops.
    It strayed into the Butchers,
    And he cut it up for chops.

    Mary had a little bike,
    She rode it back to front.
    And every time the wheel went round,
    A spoke went up her $%^&.

    Mary had a little lamb,
    It`s fleece was white as snow.
    She took it down a coalmine,
    Now look at the damn thing.

    Mary had a little lamb,
    She also had a bear.
    I`ve often seen her little lamb,
    But I`ve never seen her bare.

    What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in Cardiff??

    A leisure centre.

    A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says.....

    "This is the Pig I sleep with when you have a headache"

    Farmers wife. " I think you will find that`s a sheep".

    Farmer. "I was talking to the sheep".

    Bought to you by ...............

    .
    .
    .
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    .
    .

    .
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    .
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    .
    .
    .
    Thoroughly Refreshing.
    Thwaites.
    Wainwright.
    Exquisitely Lovely Golden Ale (4.1% ABV)

    HIC HIC.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  2. a single sheep tied to a lamp-post in Cardiff is a blind date, I dunno!
     
  3. I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he'd had, he started counting and fell asleep.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  4. ...they lived under a pylon,
    she gave it 50,000 volts
    and turned its wool to nylon.
     
  5. Mary had a little lamb
    Her father shot it dead
    She carries it to school each day
    Between two hunks of bread
     
  6. Doesn't actually work in the written form does it ?
     
  7. Mary had a little lamb
    Then she had some more
    Then she had some pudding too
    The greedy, fat little sticky fingered lard arse
     
  8. Mary had a little lamb,
    the doctors were astounded.
    Everywhere that Mary went,
    gynaecologists surrounded.
     
  9. Mary had a little frog
    She kept it in a bucket
    Every time the frog jumped out
    the dog it tried to.... pick it up and put it back!
     
  10. Mary had a little lamb
    it always was a gruntin'
    Eventually Mary got pissed off
    So she kicked its fucking cunt in.
     
  11. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Mary had a little skirt
    It had a slit right up the side
    Everytime that she sat down
    You could see her thighs.

    Mary had another skirt
    With a slit right up the front.
    She doesn't wear it very often.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  12. There was a young lady of nod
    who wanted a baby from god
    It wasn't the almighty who went up her nightly
    it was the vicar the dirty old sod
     
  13. Mary knew a piss-wet drunk

    His posts were dull and chronic

    He went by the name of Robbeaus

    The crippled alcoholic.
     
    • Like Like x 5
  14. Cold_Collation

    Cold_Collation LE Book Reviewer

    I'm calling Half Man, Half Biscuit on this one! :-D

    Mary had a little lamb
    Its fleece was black as charcoal
    And every time it jumped the fence
    Sparks flew out its arsehole