Mars v Venus

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by msr, May 23, 2008.

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  1. msr

    msr LE

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

    I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

    “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”

    We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out! a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
    “WHAT?”

    I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
    “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

    Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.

    Alright girls. Repost this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, repost it.

    Men, repost this because you have balls
     
  2. One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

    I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

    “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”

    We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out! a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
    “WHAT?”

    I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
    “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

    Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.

    Alright girls. Repost this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, repost it.

    Men, repost this because you have balls :D
     
  3. Wonders if MSR offered his bounty to his girlfriend after day 27 on the couch
     
  4. msr

    msr LE

    TS,

    Sadly I have neither gf nor bounty :(

    msr
     
  5. Noah told me this one ...... when he was a lad.
     
  6. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    If I send this to the missus, it'll be ANOTHER 3 months before I get a look-in!!!

    Made me giggle, and yes, I do have the balls, swollen to the size of large melons from lack of activity, and I'd rather they shrunk from the right action.
     
  7. One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

    Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

    I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

    “You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

    So I punched her in the back of the neck and done her up the wrong un.
     
  8. I don't have an answer, but I do have an explanation:
     

    Attached Files:

  9. man speak and what they really mean!

    What's wrong? = What bloody meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? Would sex help?

    I'm hungry = I'm hungry and I want sex

    I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy but I still want sex

    I'm tired = I'm tired but if sex is on the cards?

    Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = £50!! what did it look like before anyway! but if I put her in a good mood!

    I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! I need a wank and the match is on soon!


    Female speak and what they really mean!

    We need to talk = I need to complain!!!

    Sure... go ahead =DO and you are a dead man!

    I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling!!

    We need = I want!!

    It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now and that was mine!!

    Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

    I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

    You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

    You're certainly attentive tonight = God is sex all you ever think about?

    I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period

    I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

    I heard a noise!!! = I noticed you were almost asleep

    Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

    How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

    I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

    You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

    Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

    Yes = No!

    No = No!!

    Maybe = No!!!

    I'm sorry = You'll be sorry!!!
     
  10. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
     
  11. Trans-sane

    Trans-sane LE Book Reviewer

    Charl, I WISH it was that simple hun. Or have you aloud for the totaly confusing window dressing and "encryption" women use in coversation?

    Instructions for dealing with that would be greatly appreciated.
     
  12. You pussy whipped fag
     
  13. His and Hers Road Trip

    HERS
    1. Pulls off at wrong exit.
    2. Opens window.
    3. Asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer.
    4. Arrives at destination presently.

    HIS
    1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's a short cut.
    2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
    3. Drives an extra five miles just in case.
    4. Finally rolls down window.
    5. Scans landscape for familiar points.
    6. Pulls up to a desolate village shop
    7. Gets three big bags of butchery by-products (pork scratchings), a large container of cola because it comes in a 'limited edition' England football flask and a microwavable hamburger.
    8. Asks mute local behind counter how to get back onto the main road.
    9. Gets back into car.
    10. Farts, after he closes the door and finds it hysterically funny!
    11. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away.
    12. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because the pimply 17-year-old cashier said it was.
    13. Almost hits a deer.
    14. Curses the night.
    15. Curses you.
    16. Curses the large cola.
    17. Stops by the side of the road.
    18 Takes a pish.
    19. Still taking a pish.
    20. Almost done..................I think?
    21. Returns to car.
    22. Drives and fiddles with radio at the same time.
    23. Yells at you for suggesting the map again.
    24. Admits he didn't want to go to your sister's anyway.
    25. He hates your sister, ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.
    26. He had to look up pernicious.
    27. Couldn't find a dictionary.
    28. Finally found a dictionary.
    29. Couldn't spell pernicious.
    30. Seethes at the memory of it all.
    31…….and of course is still lost!!
     
  14. A shopping trip...
     

    Attached Files: