It may seem easy to get a "bit on the side", but it is highly recommended that you don't.
A certain C/Sgt in a southern based Armd Inf Bn is now a Cpl because he was conducting an affair with another man's wife. Now he has to walk around the barracks with everyone knowing why he is now only a corporal. Imagine how that would a) feel and b) hurt your pay.
Now think again about how having an affair can ruin your life in the army. Not so much fun anymore is it?
The Values and Standards leaflet wasn't just printed to give a staff officer something to do one wet tuesday afternoon.
I shall now follow the drill for dismounting my high horse.
I agree in principle and it is obviously not morally correct however I do believe the values and standards paper was put together to give that said staff officer some thing to do on a wet Tuesday afternoon.
However the Values and Standards stuff is not all rubbish; if we seek to uphold and defend all that is best in our way of life then we should at least attempt to be examplars of that way of life. Here, however lies the nub of the problem, just how far should the Army be swayed by the vagaries of modern life with all its passing fads and to what extent should it espouse the core values of what we consider to be the "pillars" of a stable society?
Just thought I'd post a comment from the Other Side (gender and now civilian).....
The opportunities for affairs could be more frequent, I guess, because of ops away from home. Do people in happy marriages have affairs? And while you chaps are happy to avail yourself of passing cats, do you worry about 'er indoors doing the same?
But I also think the many of the male of the species in the military (not all) have a (how can I say this nicely) less evolved attitude to their womenfolk, more compartmentalised, less emotionelly involved, more functional.
An Australian Wife Of told me a few years ago that their Army had conducted a survey where they found that military men tended to be eldest sons; unlike their civilian counterparts they tended to marry eldest daughters (two power positions in the family don't mix) because they wanted a woman who could cope....the trouble started when they got home... (especially from tours away)
The last two military marriages I went to, both vicars alluded to the higher than average divorce rate in the military.....
The Man in Uniform is an increasingly unattractive proposition, perhaps you should hang onto what you've got and appreciate it whilst it's there...
The Army is trying to mirror society too much already. Especially with all this PC crap. Politicians should understand that it is not some sort of public company and that special cases exist in the military. I believe we should promote traditional values. I am fully aware that society is a lot different from the good ol days and todays morals are different from a few years back. But we must remember in the Army we are here to protect democracy not practice it.
Does the concept of you exercising your democratic right to fcuk around in your marriage extend to the woman you took an oath before God to forsake all others? Or is that a little inconvenient?
It's not a question of Standards and Values/ civilian or military, it's a question of your own personal morality and emotional maturity - one of the earliest lessons children have to learn is that they have to control their instinct for immediate gratification .
My first rather flippant post made reference to the fact that my other half did play away from home whilst we were apart. Although she did tell me almost immediately afterwards the trust had been lost so separation ensued.
Taking an oath in front of God (although you can get away with out doing that these days) is a pretty important issue, the fact is that there are periods of long separation within Army marriages often not helped by poorly planned training years following such periods of separation. These can cause problems in even the strongest of marriages and yes even in happy marriages.
I dont advocate infidelity, through bitter experience it angers me immensely but with the opportunity being there with soldiers miles from home thinking they will get away with it and the misses back home missing the company and attention they are easy pray for the unscrupulous. These are just some of the reasons why the forces have such a high divorce rate.
Plus the fact that as the misses gets older the Ronhills really should go.
Yes, it's a swine isn't it. My ex and I were faithful to each other whilst we were married (I divorced him for other reasons) but the time spent apart has got to be a significant factor. I remember my old Comdt at RMAS telling me that they stopped year long unaccompanied tours because of the divorce that ensued (and that would have been in the late fifties).
I'm sat here thinking what the answer is, and I can't honestly think of one. Op commitments continue to grow, recruitment and retainment continue to fall....
(and please, don't any bright spark come back with "wives know what they're letting themselves in for" doodoo)
Adultery happens with civpop at probably nearly the same rate as in the military, and the results are the same (an ex police boyfriend told me the divorce rate in CID was running at 97% - no wonder I didn't marry him..)
You ask a serious question with the risk of banter being returned by the forum.
I believe that there is no answer I am afraid. ??? Blokes will be be blokes and whether in front of God or the Divorce Courts lust knows no bounds.
Honestly speaking....alcohol, boredom and separation are ingredients that should be avoided. A wife that always experiments in the bedroom and never grows tired of sex (for some reason blokes always seem to have more libido than girls and thats before kids and nappies are taken into account!) will help!
One thing is for sure though Prod and that is however much hurt, guilt, money and venereal disease is involved....blokes will continue to follow their trouser snake given half a chance!
Probably not the answer you were looking for, but the best attempt of being honest!
"Honestly speaking....alcohol, boredom and separation are ingredients that should be avoided. "
S'funny. I didn't realise quite how naive I was until I was on an Op tour with the above three ingredients thrown in. As a singly girlie (with Moose status temporarily suspended) I was seen as fair game by a few blokes, some of whom were 'happily married' but needing some TLC...........
Before you ask - I'm on the side of God and Oaths.
Needless to say I was heartened by the bloke (on the same tour) who stated that 'I have the most wonderful wife in the world and the two most wonderful children - I wouldnt do anything that would risk losing them'.
My point? Yes - there are a few that stray away from home but NOT the majority by any stretch. Many have the attitude of the bloke above.
Call me old fashioned..............I just wish that those who do stray would stop for a moment and consider the potential harm that a 'minutes madness' can do in the long term..........
And I do wish the other person (it takes two to tango) would stop for a moment and take stock of the situation. They often have nothing to lose personally but should perhaps stop to think of those being hurt back home.
Uh Oh. Carry on like this and people will realise I am not really Jezebel!!!
There is a get real angle here, busting someone for poking someone else's wife is a gross overreaction to a domestic dispute, you dont sack a company director for poking someone else! mind you you dont bust/sack many officers for the same offence and some that I know are a little above rabbitts in that sticky subject, it creates problems with unit cohesion granted, but then it does in civvie street as well, someone has to leave........or both bite their tongues and stick it out......seen that before and both gained my respect for being grown up about it.
Come into this century, I would love to be put in that C/SGT's position, and I am sure I could have found a brief to get me off of that one......as people have done before and will continue to do so, especially ex RMAS!, and a shed load of compo after too!
Jez I think theres still a little naivety there, a lot of soldiers not just a few seem to have played away in some way or another especially on the seedier tours like Belize etc some are just better at hiding it than others.
Best plan like Sniper_Bird said dont get married.
Or pretend you're married apparently it works for pulling. You never seem to run out of offer when your seeing someone.
Hmmh.....some good thoughts here....as to marriage....please can someone tell honestly what the difference is between living with someone and marriage?
Just a thought. I am enjoying being married...I hasten to add that I am no saint....and before being married I lived with a few girls. I believe that there ain't alot of of difference?
What do you think..... ???
And Prodigal (or was it Snips) of course you are going to get chatted up stupid......that is natural....flirting etc etc. Wouldn't you be hurt if you spent ages in the bath tarting yourself up and not one bloke approached you? Now if said bloke is drunk, lecherous and you don't enjoy being chatted up by him (oh, and he is married)....then an old fashioned girlie one liner 'like what part of the word 'NO' don't you understand should do the trick.
But maybe.....and it is a longshot.....just maybe you might enjoy the attention of the married man chatting you up and flirting with you (especially if the single fellars are all pissed testerone full dullards ).
Remember 'When Harry Met Sally' is only a film.....friends don't have to sleep together! You never know, you may end up being the best of friends?
Wish I had time to spend ages in the bath tarting myself up...
I don't mind being chatted up, but I think what a waste of time if I can't/won't do anything about it! It just irritates me slightly. And girls, is it just me, but can someone explain where all the decent (in all meanings of the word) single guys are?!! I have offers spilling out of my filofax, but once you've eliminated the married/bitterandtwisteddivorced/stra-a-ange/seriallyunfaithful, then there's not an awful lot left...